“What?”
“And because I did, I accepted the settlement Vince offered. I didn’t need you dragged off to trial. You’d already been through enough. That might have been my first mistake.” She stared at her fingers as she knit and unknit them on the tabletop. “But then I made things worse when I decided to open the greenhouses.”
She lifted her eyes to mine. “That was possibly mybiggestmistake. And you can blame that impulsive nature of mine, because I thought bringing our flowers in-house would show those clowns at HG a thing or two, since we were one of their largest customers at the time.” She grimaced. “It’s safe to say there were many aspects I didn’t consider. But once I’d committed to it, what else was there to do but make the best of it?” She shrugged. “Even now, I mess up all the time. I let Carlos handle the systems, and I make a decent guess about how much stock we’re going to need, but I always seem to over- or under-produce. That’s me beinghonest.” She ran a hand over her braid and joked, “You know anyone who needs a couple gross of red and pink tulips? Cause I’ve got a bunch sitting in the greenhouse and I could give you a sweet deal.”
I shook my head mutely.
“Yeah, didn’t think so. What I’m trying to say is, my lack of enthusiasm for your plan has never been about you, Constantine. It’s been aboutme. My worry. My fear. My insecurity. My wanting you to be free from all this. My inability to trust myself. My need to protect you, even though now I see I went about it all wrong.”
“I… I don’t get it,” I muttered. It was like listening to a pop song in another language—my brain kept trying in vain to make English words out of the familiar tones and rhythms.
“I know. We’ve been talking in circles for a long time, hearing what we expect to hear from each other. But let me say this again, because this is the important part: I forgave you the minute it happened, Constantine.You need to forgive yourself.”
I ran a hand over my forehead. “I… I think you might be right,” I admitted. “Damn.” I sniffed a little. “You could’ve warned me it was going to bethiskind of discussion.”
“Oh, buckle up, kiddo.” My mother shifted position, so one leg was bent underneath her. “Discussion’s not over. We need to talk about…”
I expected her to say Micah, so when she finally said, “Julian,” I swallowed my protest.
“What about Jules?”
“You’ve been staying at his place above the clinic,” she said. Not a question.
“I haven’t felt like sleeping at your house, and I have nowhere else to go.”
Her lips quirked at that, but she said nothing. “Julian and Daniel are moving in together officially next month.”
“It’s pretty unofficially official already,” I said. “I mean, the reason I’m at Julian’s is because he’s at Daniel’s house.” I peered at her more closely. “You worried about it? Think it’s too soon?”
“Nope. I’m happy for him. When it feels right, it feels right.”
I blinked. “Okay. Who are you right now?”
She laughed. “You know, when you have kids, and you get past the baby years, you think the hard part is behind you. Then suddenly, you have teens, and you think, ‘Shit. Miscalculatedthat.’ And then, I think, for some of us, when our kids become adults, it’s even harder. For better or worse, my parenting keywords have beencontrolandprotect. Now, theyhaveto berespectandsupport. It’s hard to remember. But I’m going to do better. For you, for Julian. For Theodore,God help us all.”
I laughed out loud. It was a cleansing, healing thing, and I felt at least half the anger I’d been carrying for the last few days evaporate.
“But, um, before I back a respectful distance from your personal life…”
“Oh, God. Here it comes. Look, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Micah.”
“I know.”
“I felt like I couldn’t tell you about it because you wouldn’t understand.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t have. You were right.”
I tilted my head and studied her more closely. “You look like my mother. Yousoundlike her. But the words you’re saying…”
“Enough.” She rolled her eyes. “I was very biased against Micah. He was threatening my cubs. Or something.” She waved a hand through the air. “He’s not a bad person.”
“He’s not,” I agreed. “Notbad. Just a misguided liar who needs to mind his own damn business. Literally and figuratively.” I gave her a small, meaningless smile. “I appreciate the kind words, but Micah and I… aren’t a thing right now. So that’s one less thing for you to respect and support me on.”
“Really?”
“Yes. We haven’t spoken in days.”
She frowned. “Because you told him not to call you.”
