The knowledge shook me to my core, and after that it took about ten seconds for me to be on the edge of coming. I grabbed my cock and stroked it once, twice, three times, and then I was coming all over my stomach, all over Julian’s stomach, gluing us together in yet anotherway.
Julian came not long after and I swear I couldfeelthe hot pulse of him filling the condom inside me, brandingme.
“I’m yours, Julian,” I panted, after he’d eased himself out of me, but before I let him leave the bed. “And you aremine.”
* * *
“So.”We stood outside in the driveway next to my car and I was attempting, somehow, to say goodbye. It was even harder than I’d imagined. “Call youtonight?”
Julian nodded. “Or text me. Let me know you got theresafe.”
“I’ll call. I’ll want to hear your voice,” I told him. “And I’ll want to saygoodnight.”
Julian’s mouth twitched up at one corner, but his eyes were unrelentingly blank. He was wearing my favorite baggy, gray sweater, and his arms were wrapped around himself like he was trying to protect himself from the wind, or maybe trying to hold himselftogether.
He was giving me calm, resigned Julian like he thought I’d buy that shit, like I couldn’t see the sadness and the fear festering just below the stoic surface, like I hadn’t already seen all the Julians and fallen for each and everyone.
“And I’ll be back in ten days. Two weeks,tops.”
Julian nodded. “Sure. Take as long as youneed.”
“But I don’twantit to take longer. I want to get back here as soon as possible. You know thatright?
“Of course I know it.” But the look on his face said somethingdifferent.
“Julian, believeme.”
“Daniel, I believe you mean it,” he insisted. But I knew believing Iintendedto come back wasn’t the same as believing I’d actually beback.
I sighed. The only way to prove it, really, was to do it. To show him that Manhattan couldn’t hold me when it lacked the one thing I truly wanted—him.
I pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “Two weeks,” I said. “And I’m texting you everyday.”
“Go months without a text from a guy, and now all of a sudden, he’s gonna be texting every day? I used to think you didn’thaveaphone.”
“That was back when there was no one I needed to talk to that I couldn’t see in person,” I reminded him. “Now Ido.”
Julian smiled at that, a genuine one, and I savoredit.
“Oh!” he said. “Hang on. I have a present foryou.”
He ran to his car and removed a shiny green bag from the trunk. “Open it tomorrowmorning.”
“Can’t I open itnow?”
“Is it Christmas now?” he retorted. “No way. Open ittomorrow.”
“Okay,” I agreed, smiling. “I left yours in the top drawer of my dresser. It’s not much. I’ll bring you back something better.” I’d gotten him a little Christmas ornament shaped like a squirrel, just in case we ever forgot the cockblocking assholes that helped bring ustogether.
“I’m sure it’s perfect and I’ll treasure whatever it is,” he said solemnly. His eyes filled with tears, but he blinked them away. “Okay, goodbyessuck. So just give me a kiss and leave fast.” He hesitated, then added, “And come homefast.”
I swallowed and did exactly as he asked, pressing my lips to his and then getting in the car without another word. It was one of the harder things I’d ever had todo.
I made it about an hour before I pulled over at a rest area, grabbed the foil bag I’d thrown on the passenger’s seat, and reached inside. I pulled out a hand-written note in Julian’s tidy block print and… a whittlingkit.
DearDaniel—
Just because you’re not good at something immediately doesn’t mean you won’tbe.
Keep trying. I believe in you. And I loveyou.
—Julian
Two weeks, I reminded myself, tracing my thumb over the wordlove. Maybeless.
