“That’s not true. I care about you Silas. So damnmuch.”
“But?” I added, voicing the unspoken end of his statement. “But?”
Ev sucked in a harsh breath and turned to face me, his eyes bright with anger. “You say you get that grief’s not linear. You say you understand why I have hang-ups. But then you push and you push and youpush.”
“Because you’re pulling away!” I ran a hand through my hair and tried to calm myself. I hadn’t intended to have this conversation now, or maybeever,if I could avoid it, and I was really afraid I was fucking it up. “You are one of the strongest people I know, Everett Maior. Showing up in this town with nothing but your cat, to take care of a man you thought hated you, limping along the fucking highway in the dark, scared out of your mind that you’d seen a ghost in the road, but stillmoving. Not giving up.” I shook my head, willing him to understand. “It wasn’t destiny that put you there, Ev. It was choice.Yourchoice. Your choice not to stay back in Boston, your choice not to sit in your car and wait for someone else to come along and fix things. You were brave, and you were strong, and you keptwalking.”
He shook his head. “This is all… pointless. What does this have to do withanythingthat happenedtoday?”
I ran a hand over my mouth and let my head fall back on the seat. “If you really don’t know, then maybe I’ve been wrong about a connection between us from thebeginning.”
“What exactly do you want me to do, Silas? Hmm? How does a person prove they’re trying?” He cast his eyes to the roof of thetruck.
“By talking to me! Like, okay, here’s an example.” I took a deep breath. “Tell me aboutAdrian.”
His mouth fell open. “What? How thehellwould thathelp?”
“Because you don’t talk about him,” I whispered, reaching across the console to touch his cheek. He was burning hot. “Because he’s important to you, a part of you, and I want to know that part. And I don’twantto have to push, Everett. I wish you wanted toshare.”
Everett held my gaze for a long minute. “Fine,” he said. “What do you want toknow?”
I smiled, just a little. “Adrian was a finance guy,right?”
Evnodded.
“How’d youmeet?”
“At a party.” His voice was low, hesitant. “There was nothing dramatic. No instant connection. He was a friend of a friend. We, uh, knew each other for a while before we felt a spark. He encouraged me a lot with this art show I was putting together and then we just… started dating.” He shrugged. “It was more like a peaceful river. Less like a crashing waterfall.” His mouth twisted up in a wrysmile.
“How did you know you were in love withhim?”
“Really?” He made a noise of discomfort. “God, I don’t know. He was good at things I wasn’t good at, I guess. We smoothed each other out.” He huffed. “Why would you want to know this? Doesn’t it make you feel weird or jealous orsomething?”
“Should it?” I asked, honestly curious. Because hearing this stuff didn’t make me feel bad in the slightest. It was when herefusedto share that I wanted to smash something. “Dude, I don’t know. I’ve never had a… boyfriend or whatever before. Am I supposed to be jealous of every person you ever dated or ever loved?” I opened my eyes in horror. “Wait, areyousupposed to be jealous of every guyIever dated? Like, go around giving them all the evileye?”
He laughed once and some of the tension left him. “I can see myself being jealous. But your men are safe from me. I mean, there have been so many, I’d have to, like, quit my job and devote myself to it, which would be bad since Janice Turner mentionedagainthis week how badly she wants me to keepit.”
I grinned, absurdly excited that he’d admitted that he could be jealous. “I think she likes you because you keep bringing food to the staff meetings. She’s like Daphne — feed her a couple times and she’ll be your friend forlife.”
He slapped my arm lightly. “Are you calling my cateasy?”
“Easier thanyou,” I said. I reached for the door handle and pushed it open. “Let’s goin.”
Ev climbed down from his side and met me in front of the car, sliding his hand intomine.
“Does this mean the conversation part of the afternoon is over?” Ev teased. “Can we please go on to the funpart?”
“And which part is that?” I asked, as if I didn’tknow.
“You know, that first night, you told me your game wassmooth,” he reminded me as we clomped up the porch stairs to the kitchen door, our arms around each other’swaists.
“Are you saying I haven’t proved how smooth my game isalready?”
“I’m just saying you can always try to prove it again.” He gave me a brilliant smile. “Don’t rest on your laurels,Si.”
I chuckled and pulled him against me. I wrapped my arms around his waist, letting the warmth and ease of being with him replace some of my doubts and fears, at leasttemporarily.
“I’ll try not to,” I promised. I pushed open the door and led him into thekitchen.
