He smiled at my surprise. “Yeah. Just a little. The thing is, these men are completely dissimilar. One is a complete novice hiker. Shiny new boots and backpack, didn’t know how to light a fire or read a trail map. The other is an experienced ranger who’s been trained to handle all kinds of terrain. One disappeared from the campground, and the other was last seen at his apartment in Camden on Sundaynight.”
Si leaned back in the kid-sized chair, his legs stretched out ridiculously long in front of him and his hands laced together on his stomach. My fingers itched to paint him this way, even though I hadn’t had the urge to paint allweek.
Si’s face was tilted up to the fluorescent lights on the ceiling, his forehead creased like he couldn't calm his mind, even here, and as mixed up as my emotions about him were, I wished he could find a way to forget his troubles, eventemporarily.
God.I was such anidiot.
It was like watching the half-naked cheerleader in some old-school horror flick skipping out into the dark to investigate a wounded kitten, all obvious sympathy and zero sense of self-preservation, when you justknewshe was gonna end up skewered by the pointy end of someone's hook-hand.
Except in this case,Iwasthe cheerleader. Tra lala.
But I couldn't ignore someone who was so clearly in distress and pretending not to be. And Jamie's words from the other night drifted across my brain, about how Si retreated into his calm persona when he was upset, pretended he didn't need help when hedid.
“You want a pumpkin bar?” I offered, dumping my brushes on the counter and moving to my desk. “I got a couple this morning and didn't eat them. Or an apple, if you'drather.”
“I’ll take the pumpkin bar. Thanks,” he said, taking the white paper bag from my hand when I offeredit.
I nodded and propped myself against the desk, like watching him eat was my new favoriteentertainment.
The hook was coming. I could feelit.
“With everything going on, Dare hasn’t had a chance to touch the giant weed-circle or the chimes. Might end up waiting until next spring at this rate, sometime before they start construction on the new visitor’s center,” Si said around a big bite of Cal’s latest fall treat. He paused and looked at the rest of the frosted square in his hand. “Holy shit this isgood.”
I smiled. “Is it? It lookedgood.”
“You didn’t tryit?”
I shook my head. “Wasn’t hungry.” If I was being truthful, my appetite had been shit fordays.
“Here. Have a bite.” He held the bar out casually enough, but then his eyes fixed on my mouth and heswallowed.
And suddenly it was like the past six days had never happened. It was Saturday again, and I’d just dropped to my knees in the woods. I hadn’t overheard him talking to Dare, I hadn’t spent nearly a week with my stomach in knots of confused hurt. His eyes were locked on me, flashing with heat, and I leaned forward to take a bite right from hishand.
His breath hitched, his pupilsdilated.
I wanted to kiss him sobadly.
My pulse sped and I cursed myself for being an idiot, for falling for his charm once again. The push-pull of feelings between us was like an electromagnetic force, and I couldn’t imagine he didn’t feel it too on some level, even if he was choosing to ignore it. Even if pretending it didn't exist was the smart, simple thing todo.
You are such an idiot,Everett.
“Did you hear what I said before?” Si said. “They didn’t move the chimes. I… I thought you’d be glad aboutthat.”
“What? Oh. Yeah, no, I am,” I lied. “The weeds can go, but I liked thechimes.”
An awkward silence fell, maybe the first one I could remember between us. I wanted him to come closer to me, oddly. I hadn’t realized just how badly I needed a hug until I had his arms in my field ofvision.
The trouble with opening myself up to Silas was that I couldn’t control the outcome. I couldn’t say yes to the belly-flips and the easy attraction, the comfort and laughter, and shut off the part that would worry and ache and get so pissed off I wanted to scream. I couldn't shut off the part that was really crushed my freak-out had ruined things for us, and wanted that look in his eyes to mean maybe they weren't ruinedpermanently.
It was scary ashell.
“So, how’s Hen?” Si asked easily, not recognizing that I was in the middle of a transformative moment just then. “Did I miss any more clandestine Romeo and Julietscenes?”
I took a deep breath and glancedup.
“Silas, what are we doinghere?”
He licked a crumb of pumpkin bar off his lip and swallowed, watching me warily. “Talking?”
