I nodded solemnly. “I know things,Ev.”
“Absolutely,” he laughed. “You know every cylinder is just a penis indisguise.”
I rolled my eyes and assessed him, from his gym shoes to the light shirt he’d thrown over his t-shirt. His body was compact and spare; sexy as hell, but not helpful when you were walking uphill. “You sure you’re up for achallenge?”
Everett gave me the same look he’d given me the first time I’d met him, the one that dared me to insinuateagainthat he wasn’t up to a task. “I’m not incapable of hiking, Si.” He slapped his thigh. “Quads ofsteel.”
I wasn’t sure which part of this I likedmore.
I grinned. “Alright then.” I hooked a thumb at the path we’d taken. “We’ve gotta head back down so we can head up.” Without thinking, I held out a hand for Ev and he tookit.
“You said your brother liked to draw, right? Did he come out here?” Ev asked a few minutes later. “The light is justincredible.”
I hesitated for a second. I didn’t mind talking about Matty. Ilovedto. But everyone in town remembered him as a tragedy, a thing we talkedaround. I couldn’t remember the last time someone wanted to know anything about the person he’d been, or even said his name without expressingpity.
Ev likely mistook my silence for reluctance. “I’m sorry. Forget I asked. Gosh, these maple trees arereally…”
“Matty painted out here all the damn time," I blurted. "He’d fill a backpack with art supplies and disappear for a whole day.” I glanced down to find Ev concentrating on the trees which to me seemed utterly unremarkable. They were pretty uniformly green, still. “Would you want to bring your stuff out here? I think Matty had a portable easel-thing, if you needone.”
His attention snapped to me and he frowned. “Thanks, but no. I told you before, I haven’t painted in a longwhile.”
“Sure, but if you wanted to do it again, youcould.”
“Just that easy, huh?” he demanded, his eyes sparking withannoyance.
“Well, no,but…”
He waved a hand through the air, cutting me off. “No, I’m sorry. That’s not… I just haven’t felt inspired in a while,” hesaid.
“Oh.”
“It’s not something I know how to call back, and that’s frustrating. But I don’t really know if I want to, either? I think it’d be a little like, I dunno, blood coming back into your foot when you’ve been sitting on it too long.” Hegrimaced.
“Painful?Scary?”
“Little of both.” He blew out a breath and changed the subject with so little finesse it almost made me smile. “Seems like a peaceful place, a great place forsolitude.”
“Maybe. But more often than not, Matty used to come up here with Molly Burke. They were thick as thieves. They, uh, died in the same car accident on their way back to school. Out on the Camden road, not too far from where you had your accident. Twelve years ago thismonth.”
"I'm sorry." He hesitated. "God, I really hate sayingthat."
"It's okay. Thanks. It was a long time ago. It getseasier."
“Do you ever feel like… I dunno.” Ev squeezed my hand tightly. I wasn’t sure he was aware he was doing it. “Like you need to bemorebecause he can’t be heretoo?”
Wow. That wasn’t a thought I’d ever articulated before, but it settled over mecomfortably.
“For myself, it’s gotten easier,” I said eventually. “I can have a shit day without feeling like an ungrateful bastard for not enjoying every extra minute I get on the planet. But it’s a little harder when I’m with my parents. Like, they don’t remember Matty as a person as much as a dream they had for the future. He was a total shit,” I said, grinning. “Used to draw naked caricatures of me with my hair up in this fabulous pompadour and sell them to kids in his class for adollar.”
Ev laughed out loud. “Well you do have fabuloushair.”
“Thank you so much fornoticing.”
He laughedagain.
“I don’t think my parents remember that stuff, though, you know? They lost this smart, sensitive kid who was going to set the world on fire, and give them a daughter-in-law and grandkids to spoil. That’s the tragedy for them. And I mean, it’s not that it’s less sad to lose that than to lose your sidekick, it’s just not the same thing I lost.” My smile faded. “I can’t relate. And I can’t mitigate that loss for them, even if I wish I could. No daughters-in-law here. No kids.” Ishrugged.
“Right, and they can’t relate to you losing your brother, either. Which is doubly hard foryou.”
