Silas
Evand I walked deeper into the campground in complete silence. The path was narrow — barely wide enough for Frank’s four-wheeler, let alone the two of us side-by-side, but I didn’t let go of Ev’s hand and he didn’t ask meto.
I felt like this should be weirder than itwas.
I'd more or less just held hands in front of Frank and Myrna — no, notmore or less. That was exactly what I'd done — and the tale of it was one-hundred-percent making its way across O'Leary right now, growing with each re-telling. Sometime this weekend, my mother would hear that I'd been kneeling in the mud of Frank's driveway pledging my troth, and wouldn'tthatbe a fun conversation tonavigate?
But I hadn't considered that in the moment, and I really couldn't be bothered about it now. Ev was upset; I had the ability to take away some portion of that by making him feel less alone. And on a totally selfish level, I reallylikedthe feeling of his smaller fingers laced with mine. It made my breathing come a little faster, both from the thrill of being close to him and… pure fear at howthrilledI was to be close to him. I didn't know if I'd ever held a man’s hand unless I was holding him down to fuck him or cuffhim.
I studiously avoided looking at Ev, though I was dying to. I didn’t want him to be self-conscious about getting upset, and I didn’t want him to have to explain things to me unless he wanted to. But I was pretty sure I wanted him to, which was a newsensation.
Note to self: Google the definition ofcasual.
“So! Looks like the maple trees are starting to turn,” I remarked, my gaze darting around like I’d never seen fall foliage. I had literally no experience in pretending to be casual because I’d never had toplayat itbefore.
Ev made a noise of agreement. “The, uh… the yellow ones are maple?” He bent down to pick up a leaf by the stem and squeezed my hand for balance as he stood back up, and still neither of us commented on our hands atall.
“No, those are sycamore. The red ones over there are sugarmaple.”
Ev nodded and twirled the leaf between his fingers, seeminglyfascinated.
“I’m super outdoorsy, as you can no doubttell.”
“It was clear to me from the first time you called itorienteering, back in the diner. That’s pretty next-level,” I agreed, and hesnorted.
Suddenly we were an awkward pair of teenagers who couldn’t talk about anything that mattered, but maybe that wasokay.
“I’ll have you know, I was a Cub Scout,” hesaid.
“Me too! I was an Eagle Scout in the end. How far did you get? Wolf,tiger…”
“Ah, right. I was a, um…dragon?”
“That’s not a thing,” I said sadly, though I swear the sun shone hotter and brighter as I watched him smile mischievously. “Alas.”
“Maybe not foryou.” He looked me up and down. “I mean, you weren’t anAdvancedScout.”
“Advanced!” I whistled.“I didn’t even know therewassuch athing.”
“Well, first rule of Advanced Cub Scouts is…” Ev broke off. He gasped. “Damn. I’ve said toomuch.”
And I squeezed his hand a little tighter becausegoddamn, I could spend the whole day justlisteningto thisguy.
The path forked four ways and I directed us to the one all the way on the right, which forked again a short distance later. We took the one that wentuphill.
“This is it,” I said when we’d crested the rise. “This is the site where John Carpenter wasstaying.”
Ev frowned and shivered despite the warmth of the day, studying the clearing. Just like I’d done with my own house, I tried to imagine whathesaw when he looked at it. Likely not ten years of scout campouts and teenage parties. Not a familiar little patch of well-trodground.
“It’s really open,” he said, glancing at me, then at the blue sky visible beneath the thin branches above us. “But peaceful. A good place to think.” He stood in total silence letting the sun shine on his face and the breeze mess with his dark curls, so I stood there quietly too, memorizing the cut of his cheekbone and the tiny brown freckle in front of hisear.
He was so damnbeautiful.
It was almost too much. My brain was buzzing, and I knew if the moment spun out any longer, something stupidlyrealwould come spewing out of my mouth. I wasn't sure which of us would be more horrified if thathappened.
But Ev pulled his hand away before I could ruin anything and tilted his head like he was listening for something. “D’you hearthat?”
I frowned in concentration, but I couldn’t hear anything but thewhooshof the wind and the creak of the tree branches. “Nope.”
