“Oh-kay,” Drew agreed, stunned.Was this reallyhappening?
“I have a bad track record, okay? I know this. What Amy and I had was pretty much a cautionarytale.”
“One youfell into,” Drew couldn’t help butinterject.
“Yeah, exactly. Yes. Iknewyou were gonna say that,” Bas told him excitedly. “That you’d worry maybe I’m just falling intothis, withyou.”
Drew nodded. The thought had occurred to him more thanonce.
“But I’m not,” Bas said, pressing his palms together. “I’m not. And you know how Iknow?”
Drew shook his headwordlessly.
“Because it’s not easy!” Bas was triumphant. “Coming to terms with being something different than I’ve ever been… or maybe just allowing myself to realize it? Whichever it is, it’s fuckinghard.It’s making me question every feeling I’ve ever had. Every girl I kissed, every date, every time I’ve had sex. I don’t want to do that, believe me. I don’t want to think that I wasn’t…” He ran his hands through his hair in obvious frustration. “I dunno,smartorself-awareenough to figure this shit out earlier, like you did. Like Camdid.”
“Bas,” Drew interrupted. “It doesn’t go likethat.”
“I know! No, I know. I talked to Cort about this yesterdayafternoon.”
“To Cort?” Drew repeated. “Are youkidding?”
Bas smiled. “Nope. And he told me the same thing. But knowing that here,” he tapped his temple, “is not the same as believing it here.” He pointed at his chest. “And I think it’s gonna take me longer to wrap my mind aroundthatthan it is for me to get used to having aboyfriend.”
Boyfriend. Drew finallydidyield to the urge to pinch himself then, and it hurt. A lot. He tried to speak, but the only sounds he was capable of making was a brief puff of air. “A…”
“Boyfriend,” Bas supplied, and his eyes crinkled at the corners as he took in Drew’s shock. “Did you think this was gonna be some casual thing? You’ve been my best friend forever. Best friends who love each other more than anyone else and sleep together are pretty much the definition of boyfriends, aren’tthey?”
“I… guess?” Drew looked out the window, taking in the clouds, the cold sunshine on the bare tree limbs. It appeared to be a normal morning. He didn’tthinkhe was still drugged. “Out of curiosity, if I’d been transported into one of those alternate realities you were telling me about the other night, what would be thesigns?”
“There!” Bas said, pointing an accusing finger at him. “Right there.Thatis exactly what I’m talking about. Nobody would sign up to deal with that snark unless they were head over heels for you, Drew. Because you areanythingbuteasy.”
Drewsnorted.
“I’m serious! You’re going to make me crazy before we’re forty.” Bas moved to sit on the edge of the bed at Drew’s hip. “And it’s notfalling. I’m not just letting this happen. Not everagain.”
“Oh.” Overwhelmed with the words Bas was saying, with his warm andnakedchest within touching distance, this was the most intelligent thing Drew could come upwith.
Bas’s face broke into a grin. “That’s the level of intelligent argument which sways juries, ladies and gentlemen.” He notched another imaginary point, and Drew rolled hiseyes.
“But since you brought up the alternate realities,” Bassaid.
“Oh, God. Please tell me your arguments don’t involve alternate realities,” Drew pleaded, massaging his temples with both hands - bothshakinghands. “I can barely keep up with you as itis.”
“Twohours, Andrew. I sat here forhours. I have plumbed the depths of my brain,” Bas reminded him. “And you know better than anyone how deep in the weeds I can get in anhour.”
Drew blinked, because hedidknow.
“But I was thinking, I don’t know if alternate realities are a thing, but there arechoices, you know. Choices that dictate the way things work out, the paths we take. I can’t go back and change anything that happened to cause the crash.” He laughed without humor. “Cort kinda showed me that,too.”
Cort was getting a magnum of champagne, if Drew had anything to say aboutit.
“And even if I could,” Bas paused, took a deep breath, and looked Drew in the eye. “Even if I had the power to change things, I don’t know if I would. That crash brought Cort and Damon into our lives. It brought a lot of truths out into the open. And it’s giving us the chance to maybe make things better for a lot of people by taking SILAdown.”
Drew bit his bottom lip and nodded, knowing exactly how much it had cost Bas to say all of that - to give meaning to the senseless deaths of the people theyloved.
“I had a choice that summer when we were teenagers.” Bas glanced out the window and his brow furrowed. “I had another one in October. All of those things have brought us to where we are, and I guess I wouldn’t change those either, because they brought us here.” He glanced at Drew and smiled. “But I’m tired of taking the path that leads me away from you. The only right way for me from now on, is the one where you and I aretogether.”
He swallowed hard and gave a nervous chuckle. “I’m nervous as hell,” he admitted. “I have no idea how to be in a realrelationship. I have no idea how to have sex with a guy. I am a total noob at all of this. So, believe me when I tell you, I’m not falling into anything here. I’m choosing. I’m choosingyou.”
