“Not like Cam.” Drew could hear the eye-roll in Sebastian’s voice, and fought to maintain his distance. Here, in the dark, when it was just the two of them, it would be far too easy to forgive Bas. “You know me better than anyoneelse.”
“Why now?” Drew demanded. “Whynow, when you haven’t cared all summer?” But then, that was the answer, wasn’t it? The summer was over, and Parker would be leaving, crawling back under whatever rock he’d come from. Now Bas wanted to make nice before they went back home, back toreality.
“I did care. OfcourseI cared. It’s just…” Sebastian sighed into the night, his pale hand glowing in the moonlight as he ran it through his dark hair. “You don’t get what it’s like, Drew. To be the odd one out all the fucking time. To be unable to fit in with people unless my best friend is there to make sure I don’t act like anidiot.”
“I don’t?” Drew interrupted. Indignation had him turning to face Bas at last. “You think I don’t know what it’s like not to fit in? Jesus, Bas. Was this whole summer supposed to be some kind ofpunishment?”
“No!No!” Bas denied quickly. “It had nothing to do with you. It’s just… you know how we are, you and me.” His voice was soft, cajoling. “I’m invited to things because you are, and we’re a package deal. I’m so in my head all the time that I miss shit socially, and you end up fucking explaining it to me.” He sighed again. “My mom told your mom that if it weren’t for you, I’d spend all my time locked in my room with my computer like avampire.”
“So? If it weren’t for you, I’d be failing math and I wouldn’t bother owning a laptop. What does it matter if we help each other?” Drew couldn’t keep the annoyance from hisvoice.
“Maybe because I wanna know I can handle shit.” Bas sounded defeated. “I want to know that I’m a competent human, you know? Not just some fucking programmingidiotwho can’t relate to people. I don’t want toneedyou or anyone. I don’t want to imagine a future where I’m going to be tripping over some chick and you’re gonna have to ask her out for me because I can’t get my shit together.” He flopped back on the dock and flung an arm over hiseyes.
Drew’s throat got tight. He didn’t want to imagine that future either… and his realization earlier gave him a whole new insight as to why that future looked sopainful.
“So I wanted Parker to, you know, like me. Think I was cool.Whatever. To prove that I couldhumanon my own.” He made a sound halfway between a laugh and a sob. “And essentially all I did was prove that I can’t. I’m just not as good at life withoutyou.”
Drew snorted. “Looked to me like you were doing just fine. Parker’s yourbronow. You were sitting with his little court at the bonfire tonight.” Was sitting there when Parker had caught sight of Drew, standing off to one side of the beach, desperately trying not to be noticed. Was sitting there, and hadn’t said a word when Parker had called him out in front ofeveryone.
Drew, you fuckingfaggot.
“Yeah,” Bas whispered. “And that’s what proved my point. Because… that’s not the kind of person I want to be, Drew. The look on your face yesterday, and then tonight when you walkedoff…”
Drew huffed. Walking off was a bit of an understatement. It had been more like running. And he could only imagine that his face had beenpathetic.
“You were so calm. So fucking… proud. You know who you are. You don’t give a shit about Parker or… or anyone.You’rethe kind of person I want tobe.”
Bas’s hand had moved down, and the words were muffled. Drew wasn’t entirely sure that he’d heard that last part correctly. He reached over and grabbed Bas’s wrist, moving his arm off hisface.
“Sayagain?”
“You heard me,” Bas whispered. “I want to be like that. Just, waving a middle finger at every asshole who tries to bring youdown.”
Drew licked his lips. Bas’s interpretation of events was so far from reality it was comical. It was also really, really appealing. But it didn’t let Bas off thehook.
“Idon’tgive a crap what Parker thinks,” Drew confirmed. “But I care what you think. And it was really shitty that my best friend didn’t defendme.”
“I did, though,” Bas said, pushing himself up to sit next to Drew. Drew realized he was still holding Bas’s wrist and let go of it immediately. “I told him to fuck off, and that he didn’t know shit about you. I pushed him into the water.” He shrugged. “Better late thannever?”
He could almost feel Bas’s gaze on the side of his face, all hopeful and eager as Drew looked out at the moonlit water, like things could go back to normal just thateasily.
Drewswallowed.
“Thing is, Bas,” he whispered, oily nausea racing up his chest, threatening to choke his words. “Maybe… maybe Parker was right about somethings.”
The words dropped into the night, and the whole world ceased motion for half a second… or at least that’s how it seemed to Drew. His breath caught in his throat, the breeze stopped blowing, the night animal orchestra ceased playing, and the entire universe hung in suspended animation, waiting for Bas’sreaction.
His totally anticlimacticreaction.
“You mean, because you’re gay?” he said, a shrug in his tone, and Drew turned to look at him in surprise. “Dude, come on. You can’t have thought that I would care. I mean, my mom volunteers at the LGBT youth center. They’re both prettyliberal.”
“But your dad is all… man’s manwhatever.”
Bas shrugged. “Well, I mean, if it wasmehe might care.” He chuckled, as though the very idea was laughable, and Drew’s chest went tight. “But he definitely supports equality and stuff. And besides, I’m not totally like my dad just because I’m smart likehim.”
Drew nodded slowly. “So it doesn’t, like, freak you out if your best friend isgay?”
“No!” Bas said staunchly. “It doesn’t. And I swear to you, Drew, I will never let what anyone else thinks come between us. Notagain.”
