Chapter Five
“…Trafficon the threes. There’s an accident on 93 North in the left-lane by the gas tank that’s tying up your eveningcommute…”
The monotonous tone of the radio announcer filled the interior of Drew’s Acura, and Bas leaned back in the comfortable leather passenger’s seat, closing his eyes and pretending to snore. Any drive, even the twenty-minute ride to the pub where they were meeting Gary, was more fun for Sebastian when he could pesterDrew.
He’d missed his friend over the past few months - a fact that had been driven home when Drew had shown up last night, exactly when Bas needed him - and he knew he had mostly himself to blame for the weeks of awkward avoidance. But strangely enough, now it was Drew who seemed to be avoidingconversation.
“Is that a comment on my driving?” Drew pretended to muse. “So smooth and comfortable you could fallasleep?”
Bas snickered, burrowing deeper into his overcoat. It wasseriouslycold tonight. “Right. One of these days, you’re going to want to listen to actualmusic, instead of talk radio. Listening to this shit makes me feelold.”
“I don’t know how to break it to you, but youareold,” Drew said with fake sympathy. “You own a car and a home, and as your attorney, I happen to know you pay taxes and insurance on both of thosethings.”
Sebastian grimaced. “Don’t remindme.”
“Also?” Drew continued. “That shit on your business card is not for show; you’re the real-life president of a multinational tech company, which pays you asalary.”
“Funny.”
“And,” his so-called-best-friend continued mercilessly. “You were engaged not so long ago. Engaged to bemarried. You could have had kids by now, a family of yourown.”
The words fell like an anvil, a conversational dead-end, and for a second, Bas was thankful for the monotonous radio announcer, who at least broke thesilence.
“Sorry,” Drew said, true remorse in his voice. “That was thoughtless of me, throwing that outthere.”
Bas shrugged, because it seemed the thing to do. “Amy was yoursister.”
“Doesn’t mean I can tease you about losing the woman you loved. I’m sorry.” Drew shook his head. “And that’s my quota of apologies to you for this yearandnext.”
Though he appreciated Drew’s effort to lighten the mood, there were a bunch of things in Drew’s statements that just weren’t true. And as much as Bas loathed talking about feelings - and truly, it was hard to overstate the loathing - he’d been wondering since last night whether this wasn’t a huge part of the issues he and Drew had beenhaving.
He didn’t know when they’d started keeping secrets from one another - it hadn’t been a conscious choice, at least on his part, but he knew Drew had made some assumptions about his relationship with Amy that Bas had simply let stand. And he had certainly made some assumptions about Drew’s feelings toward him that, based on what he’d said on Halloween, were a gross understatement offact.
So.
Maybe they needed to consciously work toward somehonesty.
“I don’t know if that’s true,” Bas told him. “Not about the kids, for onething.”
When Bas thought of his family, he thought of his parents, Cam, Drew… and the collection of misfit toys they’d collected over the past few months, Cain, Damon, and Cort. He thought of the weird family they’d formedafterthecrash.
He missed Amy the way he missed childhood - a vague sense of loss and happy memories, not the visceral heartbreak a man was supposed to feel when he lost a fiancée. Maybe he needed to tell Drew that,too.
Drew blew out a breath and nodded slowly. “Uh huh. Okay. Maybe you would have waited a while. Whatever. Did you want to change the radio station? Pick somemusic.”
Drew, deflecting. Bas nearlylaughed.
“I’m not sure whether I want kids at all,” he continued with a shrug. “And Amy and I never discussedit.”
Bas was well aware of what it said about him, about his relationship with Amy, that he couldn’t speak with any authority about what she would have wanted on what would have been a huge issue in their marriage. He wasn’t proud of it, and that’s why he’d never discussedit.
He was ashamed because he’d stumbled into dating her because it was easy and his mother had approved. He’d stayed because it was safe. And he’d asked Amy to marry him when he wasn’t entirely sure that he was in love with her, because he wasn’t entirely sure what love looked like or if he’d ever experience itpersonally.
And Jesus Christ,beyondshame that he hadn’t called it off before everyone got in a plane to go celebrate and died on theway.
“I think shedid,” Drew said, shaking his head slightly. “God, Bas. Younevertalked about this withher?”
Bas shook his head. “When we talked, it was mostly about the wedding. The dress, the venue, the ring. And she was really excited to help my mom with her charity work, since her business school thing didn’t workout.”
