She nodded and took a beat to regain her composure, then asked, “Were you in Amsterdam for work?”She changed the subject but she’d never forget the compass or its meaning.
Aiden shook his head.“No.That was a vacation.”
Brooke finished off her eggs, thinking about all the experiences Aiden had over the years, how many things he’d done and seen that she didn’t know about.The truth hurt but the past had happened, and she was coming to terms with things.It helped to learn how he’d never forgotten her while he was gone.
As for his travels, though not having a home base didn’t appeal to her, she was glad he’d had the chance to see the world.“You know, I wouldn’t have tried to stop you from going,” she said in a soft voice.She’d never have asked him to stay home.She’d just wanted him in her life.
Adien set aside his empty plate and leaned over with his elbows on his knees.Looking at her with sadness in his eyes, he nodded.“Yeah, Brooke.I know that.”
She sighed and pushed away her own food.There wasn’t much left and her appetite was suddenly gone.
“I have so many regrets.I don’t know that if we’d tried the long-distance thing it would have worked.But I didn’t even try, and that’s on me.”
She nodded.Staring at his serious expression, she decided it was time to be a little brave herself.“Did you know I had feelings for you long before that night we spent together?”
He opened then closed his mouth.“I didn’t know.I just thought we were good friends.”
She let out a laugh.“Yeah, of course you did.”Leaning back in the chair, she let her mind drift to the past.“I was about seventeen when I first realized how I felt about you.You were dating Mazie Callahan at the time, do you remember?”
“Sure.We dated for, like, two months before she moved on to a guy with a motorcycle.Apparently, he was more of abadass.”
Brooke chuckled as he rolled his eyes, but she grew serious again.“I didn’t say anything, and maybe I should have.But our relationship wasn’t like that, and I couldn’t see telling you my feelings, so I kept my mouth shut.Still, I wanted you for so long, I already had those girlish dreams of happily ever after before we slept together.”
He raised his head and met her gaze.“I had no idea.”
“I know.I guess the point is, maybe I put hopes on you that weren’t fair.When you said you didn’t want to be together, you crushed my dreams, but they weremydreams.Not yours.”
He raised an eyebrow.
“I know.It’s a surprise to me, too.”The words came as a shock to her, too, but they’d spawned from an unconscious part of her that just maybe was accepting some responsibility for the debacle that had happened.
He reached out and clasped her hand.“Looking back, it really does feel like I could have done better, no matter how much I didn’t realize about your feelings.”
She nodded.“That’s true.But let me accept some of the fault.You didn’t lead me on.I assumed things were more than they were.”
He groaned.“You weren’t.I felt everything for you.I just needed to leave.”
She swallowed hard and asked the question that had been gnawing at her for years.“Why, Aiden?Why did you need to leave so badly?”
Chapter Eighteen
Why had Aidenfelt the need to leave?He’d had a job most graduating seniors would kill for, a family he loved and who loved him back.Brooke had been his best friend at the time he sent out the résumés.He’d always loved the news.Loved journalism and chose that as his second major.But he’d lived in New York, could have taken an apartment in the city, and applied for news media jobs at home.
He’d already revealed the other reason he’d wanted to leave to his father.If he was going to reach for a future with Brooke, he needed to tell her the truth.
“Given your friendship with Fallon, I’m sure you know the details of how my mother died.”He glanced at Brooke, who nodded, but the crinkles around her eyes told him she didn’t understand the correlation.But she would.
He drew a deep breath and went on.“That night, Dad was away on business.Remy was supposed to have dinner with Mom, but he had a shot with a girl he liked, so he canceled.Mom stayed home.Fallon was upstairs asleep and I was away at summer camp whenithappened.”There was no reason to rehash the murder, not out loud and not in his head.
“Oh, Aiden.The story is so tragic.Alex is such a good man and the whole idea of an angry client…” She shook her head, obviously choosing not to speak the horrors out loud, either.“But what does that have to do with your need to travel?”
He dipped his head.“Guilt.”
“What?”She reached out, touching his shoulder, and he glanced at her.“Why would you feel guilty?”
“Because if I was home… if I’d been there…” He shook his head.“And because I wasn’t, she was killed.Once I understood what had happened, as I got older, the idea of getting away from New York and the memories held more and more appeal.”
Unfortunately, he’d learned he couldn’t run from his problems and pain.
