“Yeah, she’ll be back in the states in a couple of weeks.”Blake leaned back in his chair and picked up his drink, taking a sip before casually asking,“So, are you and Jesse ever going to work things out?”
Direct question. Good question. And one she didn’t have an answer for.“I hope so, but I don’t know. He feels betrayed and I don’t blame him.”
“He’s pretty mad.”
“I know. He won’t talk to me now. Maybe in time.”
“I hope so. I don’t want to mess things up with you guys.”
“Blake, none of this is your fault.”
“That’s what Jesse said, but I still feel like I’m causing a lot of trouble.”
“You’re not.”She leaned forward.“I…I don’t even know how to say this…but…”
He looked at her expectantly.
She pushed forward.“I’m sorry. About all of this. About you losing your mom. She seemed like such a great woman when I met her. And losing your dad, too.”She reached out and almost touched his hand. Almost.“I thought I was doing the right thing giving you up for adoption. I thought I was giving you the best life I could.”
Blake stared at her hand, just inches from his, then looked up.“Emily said that your dad was kind of a jerk. Mean. Didn’t think you ever did anything right. And that you didn’t have your mom’s support either.”
She nodded.
“And you weren’t that much older than I am when you had me. I can’t imagine having a kid.”
She knew all the excuses she’d had when she made the decision. But it didn’t make it any easier.
“Are you sorry that you gave me away?”
And there it was. The big question. The one she had no answer for. She swallowed, and in a surge of courage, she covered his hand with her own.“I don’t have a good answer for that. I did what I thought was right at the time. I had nothing to offer you. Well, except for love. I did love you so. But I wanted what was right for you, not what I wanted. I wanted you to have a normal life with parents who loved you and could provide for you and give you things I never could.”
She paused, watching the emotions flicker across his face. She so wanted to reach out and touch his face. Hug him. Hold him.
“But I’ve missed you every single minute of every single day. I’ve had this huge hole in my heart that nothing could fill.”
“My mom was really great. You did choose good.”
“I’m glad to hear that.”
“She was the best mom ever.”
And as much as she loved hearing him say that, it stung a bit, in a ridiculous kind of way.
Blake bit his lower lip.“But…but I’m glad I came here and found you and Jesse.”
“I am, too. So very glad.”
She took her hand away from his as Emily brought their meals. They sat and talked, each asking the other questions about their lives. The whole meal passed as though they were in some kind of surreal alternate universe, like watching a movie of someone else’s life.
They walked out into the sunshine after a three-hour lunch that she wished could last even longer. The Jenkins twins hurried up to them. Well, as fast as Jillian could walk with her cane. Heather had heard the town talk that Jillian had twisted her ankle. At least she could tell them apart for a while.
“Heather, dear. So good to see you.”Jackie said.“I see you’re here with Jesse’s friend.”
Heather looked from Blake to Jackie. Jesse’sfriend?
“Jesse and I ran into them near the marina the other day,”Blake explained and shrugged slightly.
She sent him a questioning look, and he nodded as if he understood her question. She turned to the twins.“This is Blake, my…son.”
