“To split us apart,” I said bleakly. “Because Nilanjana is obsessed with you. Can’t you see that, Samrat?”
“Of course, I can see that,” he snapped. “I’ve always found her creepy. But I didn’t think she’d ever go to this extent to destroy us.”
“To destroyme,” I corrected firmly. “Your life went on smoothly, Samrat, apart from a little heartache over my betrayal. But my life was ripped apart, all because of those two sadistic motherfuckers.”
“Smoothly?Is that what you call the joyless existence I’ve led for the past eight years?” he asked, his voice rising in frustration. “I agree you have the higher moral ground, and that you suffered way more than I ever did. But you’re lost to me forever, Meher. You were lost to me eight years ago when I didn’t know the truth, and you’re still lost to me even after I do, because I know it’snot possible to forgive a mistake like mine. At least you have the vindication of being right. But I have nothing!”
My lips quivered as I held back tears. I wanted to hate this man. And maybe some part of me did hate him, but I could not deny that he was just as ravaged as I was. And that he had lost as much as I had.
“Is there anything we can do about it? About them?”
“We can’t prove it, can we? She threw out all the old staff when I went away on probation and hired new ones. So there’s nobody who can prove she did it,” he said bitterly.
I sank into the softness of the sofa with a groan.
“I hate that woman! I hate Sanjay, too. But I absolutely loathe Nilanjana! She’s a snake,” I said viciously.
“I agree,” he said, running a hand over his weary face. “Get to bed, Meher. It’s getting late.”
“I can’t sleep,” I wailed. “All I can think about is why the hell did I drink that fucking hot chocolate?”
“You could sleep here if you like,” he said softly.
“Will you sing me a lullaby?” I asked snidely.
“It might drown out your snores,” he retorted, and held out a hand for me to take.
When I took it hesitantly, he pulled me upright and led me to the bed.
“Just sleep. Nothing else,” he promised, and I got under the covers because I really didn’t want to be alone right now.
Samrat got in as well and spooned me under the covers. He ran his fingers through my hair gently, the gesture soothing all the rage out of me for now.
“Tell me about your friend,” I mumbled sleepily. “The one who died.”
“Mani?” he asked in surprise.
I nodded.
“Captain Mani Pillai was my second-in-command, but he was also my best friend. We’d been deployed together for years. Mani, Rumi, Sid, and I. We were going to retire together when we couldn’t hold up a gun anymore or when the enemy had blown far too many holes in us.”
“Tell me about them. What were they like?”
“Mani was an asshole, just like me. Our first CO told us we were like peas in a pod. Sid was an old soul who loved qawwalis, but couldn’t sing to save his life. Rumi could throw a shoe across fifty yards without missing his target, mainly because he had practised throwing it at Sid’s giant head for years.”
“You love them,” I commented.
“Like the brothers of my soul. Even more than I loved Bhai Sa,” he said hoarsely, before he buried his face in my neck.
CHAPTER 18
SAMRAT
“What happened to Mani?” asked Meher again.
“It was my fault,” I admitted. “Letting people down seems to be my superpower. I let you down. I let Bhai Sa down by neglecting him for years. And I let Mani down in the worst way.”
Meher ran her fingers along my forearm gently.
