I did a mental check of my body, and nothing seemed strange. Nothing hurt. I didn’t feel violated in any way.
“No, he didn’t, Ma,” I said firmly, trying to allay her fears.
“You all heard her. It wasn’t rape,” exclaimed Nilanjana. “And I must say I’m not surprised. They do have a very intense history.”
“What are you talking about?” I asked hoarsely, but she turned to Samrat.
“This is exactly what I was trying to explain to you yesterday, Samrat. Meher and Sanjay have had a love/hate relationship for years, but they truly can’t stay away from each other.”
And somehow, before I could deny her ridiculous claim, the atmosphere in the room changed. It turned angry and accusing. The worry in my mother’s eyes turned to disgust. I turned to Samrat for reassurance and saw a kaleidoscope of emotions in them. Shock and pain, followed by fury. Then, as if a light went out inside him, his eyes turned blank. He took one long look at me before he walked out of the room.
I tried to go after him, but my mother held my shoulders in a vice-like grip and was going on about how I had shamed the family. My eyes followed Samrat out of the door, and that’s when I noticed the avid faces staring at us from the corridor outside the room. Nilanjana had somehow managed to turn me into a spectacle that would keep our social circle entertained for years.
For days after I returned to Matta, I tried calling him, but his phone was turned off. He didn’t respond to my emails, if he even read them. Even Nilanjana wouldn’t tell me where he was. Shaurya Bhai Sa said he’d started his special forces probation. I hoped against hope he’d reach out to me after he calmed down and thought the whole thing through. After all, I was his Meher. The love of his life. Surely, he wouldn’t discard me over a misunderstanding. For that’s what it had to be. Nobody would ever believe a moron like Sanjay over me. Right?
As it turned out, I was wrong on both counts. Samrat discarded me like a used piece of toilet paper. And everyone believed Sanjay, because he was backed by Nilanjana, the Maharani of Deorangir. According to them, I was drunk whenI knocked on Sanjay’s door late that night. And I seduced him. They painted him as a lovesick fool who had been in love with me for years. So he got off scot free, but I was tarred as a slut.
The first thing I did as soon as I got back to Matta that evening was call a doctor over for a medical examination. She was an old school friend who came over right away with a rape kit. The report saidfindings consistent with no recent penetration. I hadn’t thought to show it to my mother because we didn’t discuss such things in our extremely conservative family. Also, my friend had been very clear that the absence of signs of penetration like local trauma, semen, or DNA traces did not always mean that sex hadn’t occurred.
But now, I wiped my tears and splashed some cold water on my face before I pulled out my laptop. I had to have the soft copy of that report somewhere. I dug into my old folders, and it took a few minutes, but I found it.
I went over to Baba Sa’s study and took out a printout of the report, and then I went to my mother’s room. She was in the shower, and I realised I didn’t have it in me to speak to her tonight. I left the report on her pillow and walked out of her room with my head held high.
Tonight, at least one person in the world would know for sure that I was innocent.
The next morning, I ignored my mother’s tentative olive branch of having the chef prepare my favourite breakfast of akuri and sourdough brioche with pesto, and ate a slice of dry toast with a large espresso. We had to be at the polo club by eleven.
I put on one of my favourite dresses, a navy blue chiffon maxi dress with tiny white polka dots, and paired it with a navy blue hat and matching kitten heels. I kept my makeup minimal, but I did add a swipe of my brightest red lipstick as a fuck you to the world before I strode out of the house.
Again, I ignored Ma’s friendly overtures on the way to the club and kept my gaze fixed on the scenery outside. She obviously could not raise the topic of the rape kit in front of the driver, and I refused to give her any other chance to speak about it. I wanted her to suffer a little to make up for how much I had suffered over the past eight years.
When we pulled up outside the polo club, Ma sighed heavily and put out a hand to cover mine. She squeezed my hand tightly and bent and kissed my cheek before she straightened and pulled her silk shawl around her tightly. I still stared out of the window stonily, but a tear ran down my face. I wiped it away angrily, swearing this was the last tear I was ever going to shed in my life.
Shivina met me in the lobby of the club, and I threw my shoulders back as we walked to the VIP enclosure. Samrat still wasn’t here, although I saw Nilanjana glaring at me from his family’s box. I met her glare with a cold stare of my own and held it until she looked away first.
“Well played,” murmured Shivina as she took a glass of prosecco from a tray.
“Why isn’t he here yet?” I hissed as I tried to look around discreetly. “Do you think he’s changed his mind?”
“Samrat is a man of his word, Meher. Don’t worry,” she whispered, and I let out a loud snort of derision.
“I can tell you from experience that he isn’t,” I said dryly.
“Okay, I still don’t know the exact details of what happened to you that night,” she began tentatively, and I laughed softly.
“Join the club, babe. I don’t, either.”
She frowned at me in disbelief.
“How the hell is that possible?”
I shrugged.
“I honestly don’t know, Shivina. All I know for sure is that I did not have sex with anyone that night.”
“Were you drunk?”
“I don’t think so, because the last thing I had was a cup of hot chocolate before bed.”
