“Congrats, Boss Lady…” Emily stands next to me, anxiously bouncing on her toes. Her nervous laughter irks my entire being right now.
“Thanks,” I murmur, selecting the RAW files to back up to the external hard drive. “Monique and Cara should be back from lunch soon. I’m sure you’ll fill them in. I’ll call everyone with a game plan when I have one.”
“Got it.” Emily slips her sleeves over her knuckles, her shoulders scrunched up to her ears. “He’s right, you know. You really should be home. My sister had a rough pregnancy too. You don’t wanna mess around with bleeding.”
“I know.” I sigh, glancing at the giant dummy checking his watch by the front door. Trevor thinks he can give me the cold shoulder for two days and storm intomystudio with demands? I don’t care how right he is, I’m the one in control of my time. I take an extra two minutes for petty’s sake, grab my things, and walk right out the door.
His silver SUV is parked front and center, and I tap my foot on the blacktop while I wait. He keeps the doors locked until he’s next to me, reaching for the handle. Once it’s open, he steps back, folding his arms to avoid touching me. The move is like gasoline to the flames. “I can open my own damn door, Trevor,” I snap. He sucks his teeth, waiting for me to buckle up, and then closes my door without a word. Everything’s the same as it has been, but it all feels wrong.
We don’t even make it a block down the street before he startsin on me. “I’m getting real sick of your attitude when all I’m trying to do is help, Willa.” I lean forward and turn up the radio to ignore him. Childish? Yes. But he fucking started it. He turns the radio back down, and I’m tempted to reach for the dial again. Tit for tat. “Oh, so now you have nothing to say?” he asks.
I crush my lips between my teeth to keep my rebuttal to myself, turning my body to the window like the view is my favorite movie.
“You heard Dr. Quentin. You’re supposed to avoid stress, Willa.”
“Okay, well you’re the one stressing me out right now,Trevor.”
“Me?” He chuckles without an ounce of humor behind it. “How am I stressing you out?”
“You’re yelling at me!”
“I’m not yelling at you; I’m yelling at the situation!”
“It’s the same damn thing! I get it, okay? You’re mad at me. Message received.” My voice cracks, and the wall of tension inside breaks, opening up the floodgates. I swipe at my face.
“I’m not—” Trevor sighs and checks over his shoulder before changing lanes. “What are you talking about? Why would I be mad at you?”
“How the hell should I know? You haven’t touched me since we left Nebraska, and after all the things you said you wanted, I’m just really fucking confused. And scared. And tired. I had the nightmare last night—twice—and couldn’t get back to sleep, but I couldn’t even talk to you about it because everything’s changed.” The words fall out of me in a jumbled mess.
“Shit. Willa?—”
“And you haven’t called me ‘Gem,’ Trevor. You like dead plants more than me, and you keep calling meWilla!” When his eyes meet mine, I wail, burying my face in my hands. It sounds so irrational, but I don’t even consider whether all of this nonsense is hormone-induced because it really doesn’t matter. Everything I said is true. We need to talk about it, as messy as it gets.
The car slows, and I feel it drift to the side of the road. My embarrassment keeps my head in my hands, and even though the music still plays, I hear the driver’s side door open and close. After a few seconds, my door opens too. My seatbelt, the only thing keeping me upright, goes slack, and my slumping body is caught by an orange, clove wall of warmth. Trevor’s arms wrap around me, his palms making slow passes over my back.
“I’m not mad at you, Willa. I’m mad at myself.”
“For what?” I sniffle. “You didn’t do anything.”
“I hurt you, Gem. You’re fucking bleeding because of me, and I didn’t think you wanted me to touch you after that.”
Gem. I never thought those three letters meant so much until now, like the sun peeking out from the storm clouds. And then I hear the rest of his sentence and pull back, confused. “You didn’t hurt me…”
“You were just fine before we…” He looks down.
“Tre, both Maya and Dr. Q said this complication isn’t anyone’s fault. It just happens.”
“Yeah, I know.” He tips his forehead to mine with a sigh, his knuckles gliding over my upper arms. “This is my own shit, and I’m sorry I pulled you into it. I got inside my head… Shut you out, thinking that’s what you wanted, when I should have just talked to you.” He flicks his worry-filled eyes to mine and back down, and my heart breaks. Whatever it is has been eating him up inside.
“Can you tell me what shit you’re talking about?”
He nods. “I will, but we need to get you home first. Please? I’ll tell you anything you want to know when we get home.”
I expect him to pull away and get behind the wheel, but he doesn’t move. His face is pulled in tight, eyes still down as if he’s trying to figure out what to say next. He looks so worried, sotired, and I want to grab it all from him and throw it out the window.This isn’t him. Taking his face in my hands, I caress his cheeks with my thumbs until he looks up at me with wet eyes. “I’m sorry for shutting you out, for the yelling. I let you downafter I told you I’d always be there for you, and I’ll never let it happen again.”
“I believe you.” When I lay a soft kiss on his lips, he clutches my arms as if he’s found a life preserver after days lost at sea. He kisses me back so earnestly; I have full confidence this was a one-time lapse in judgment. Trevor’s not this person. I know better than anyone what it’s like to get caught up in your own shit. “I’m sorry for going into work. I think I was trying to convince myself I’m still in control of this pregnancy. It was stupid…”
“I’m just glad you’re okay,” he whispers, finding my lips again. After a slow, repairing kiss, Trevor nuzzles my nose, returning my smile with a small one of his own. God, I’ve missed those dimples. I never realized how much I love his smile before now. Seeing it for the first time in days sets everything right in the world again. When he gets back behind the wheel, the first thing he reaches for is my hand. We still don’t say much, but this feels different.This feels like it should.
