The convention center is home to a small botanical garden, and I step through an ivy-covered archway that opens to a secluded koi pond. I collapse onto one of the large boulders surrounding the pond with a huff. Reaching up to scrub the tension from my face, I let out an audible groan. After a few swigs from the bottle, I close my eyes, shaking my head like it will expel everything out of it—Kayla, here, looking amazing in that dress, the song, all of it. I just want it gone.
Gravel crunches to my left, and I open my eyes to find Kayla, standing under the archway, as beautiful as ever. “Hi,” she says quietly, taking her time walking toward me.
I take another hit of liquid courage to get me through whatever comes next. She’s close enough for me to see the little floral details on her dress, close enough that it would only take a few steps for me to reach her. She’s close enough that I can hear her phone buzzing in her hand.
“So your phonedoeswork…” I hear myself say in a bitter tone. I slipped up a couple of times and texted her, just to see if we could talk. She never answered.
Kayla nods, looking down briefly before fixing her eyes back on me. “You cut your hair…” She smiles, stopping a couple feet away.
I take several seconds before answering, mulling over which cards to throw on the table.It doesn’t matter.“Really, Kayla, that’s what you go with? First time seeing each other in months, andthat’swhat you want to talk about? My hair?” I shake my head, looking away from her. “Yep, I cut my hair.” Asshole card it is, I guess. The bitterness coating the words as they slip out of my mouth doesn’t sound like me, but I can’t figure out how to sound any different right now. I’ll probably regret it in the morning, but I admit, in this moment, it feels satisfying.
She takes a deep breath before saying, “Chase, I feel sorry… I feel so bad?—”
“Good.” I glare at her before taking another drink. The burning in my throat only adds fuel to the storm brewing in my head. Oh, great,pity.She feels sorry for me, and thatisn’t any better than resentment. At least she feels bad about something.
“Good?” She knits her eyebrows together. “Youwantme to feel like this?”
No, I hate it. I love you—It doesn’t matter.My brain is swimming with so many things I could say right now, but that last thought is what hangs on and propels my anger forward.
“I told you I loved you—twiceif we’re getting technical, and you said it didn’t matter. Not that you didn’t love me back, or that you needed time, but that it didn’t fucking matter.” Heat creeps up my neck as the level of my voice increases. “Do you know what that felt like? It fucking broke me, Kayla. So excuse me if I’m not worried about you ‘feeling bad.’”
Several emotions cross her face as I stare her down. I want to see how my words have landed, want to see her feel a percentage of how I’ve felt these last couple of months.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers, looking down at the ground.
I shrug my shoulders while taking another slow sip from the bottle. “It doesn’t matter…”
She nods quietly, eyes still on the gravel, and walks back through the archway without another word.
As soon as she’s gone, I regret everything. All the resentment and angst leave my body, and I just feel empty. And drunk. I hate everything about this night. My head falls into my hand as a tear slides down my cheek. This isn’t even on the tree scale. This just fucking sucks.
I don’t know how long I sit there, but I periodically tip the lip of the bottle to my mouth, letting the spicy liquid drain down my throat just to feel something—anything.
“Chase, what the hell is wrong with you?” I hear stomping across the ground toward me, and two Hunters appear as I raisemy head. “Gimme that.” He snatches the nearly empty bottle from my hands and sets it on the ground by his feet.
“Leave me ‘lone,” I groan, swaying briefly before I steady myself on the rock with one hand.
“So you can fall backward into that pond and drown like an idiot? Naw.” He shakes his heads, and I close my eyes briefly to keep from getting more dizzy. “Here, drink this,” he says, cracking open a water bottle and shoving it at me. “What is wrong with you? You’re wasted.”
“I’mfiiine,” I slur, sloshing water out of the bottle as I try to find my mouth.
“You’re not fine, Chase. You’ve been drinking all night. I hand-delivered Kayla to you on a silver platter, and all you’ve been is an asshole.”
“She didn’t come here for me.” My bottom lip puffs out as I shake my head in disbelief.
“Shedidcome here for you, dummy. She knew you were going to be here. She wanted to see you—to talk to you, and you’ve been acting like she’s not even alive. What are youdoing?”
“She thinks I’m a cheater, man. She said she feels sorry for me. That’s all this was.” I slap a hand over my eyes, trying to force the tears back inside my body. I’m a bumbling mess.
Hunter blows out an exasperated breath. “Bruh, no. She doesn’t feel bad for you. She feels bad that any of this happened. Look…” He sits next to me and shoves his phone in my face before pressing play on a video. I move his hand back, trying to focus on the image on the screen.
Recognizing Maggie’s voice, I ask, “What is this?”
“Proof that Maggie planned it all. Kayla knows the truth.”
I half watch and fully listen, closing my eyes when the video shakes a little too much. There’s not much to see, but here it is. A full confession, right in my lap, and I have no idea what to do about it. I’m feeling a little less woozy and a lot sicker to my stomach as I realize how unbelievably idiotic I’ve been tonight.Kayla was here,right here, close enough for me to touch, and I let her walk away—I pushed her away.
Hunter sits next to me for a while, not saying much except to remind me to drink the water in my hand. Feeling sobered up enough to have a rational conversation, I turn to him. I’m sure I look as bad as I feel because the sympathy on his face is something I haven’t seen since I fell out of that tree when we were kids.
