I clench my fists, the words replaying in my head on a loop. I don’t know what stings more, that they think so little of me or that some part of me wonders if they’re right. The whispers die down, replaced by the clinking of dishes, and I force myself to move, my feet carrying me back to the bedroom.
Alli is still asleep, her hair spilling across the pillow in waves, her hand loosely curled where it rests against the blanket. For a moment, the sight of her calms the storm raging inside me.
But the words stay, and it feels suffocating.
I sit on the edge of the bed, my head in my hands, thoughts swirling.
I don’t belong here. Maybe they’re right.
Chapter 35
Alli
Study Brew is crowded, the hushed conversations blending with the hiss of the espresso machine. I tug at the hem of my sweater, watching Jared over the rim of my latte as he stares at his phone. The table between us feels bigger than it is, the silence stretching a little too long.
“Do you even taste your coffee, or do you just chug it?” I ask, forcing a teasing tone.
Jared glances up, startled, then smirks faintly. “Does anyone actually drink coffee for the taste?”
I roll my eyes, grateful for the familiar banter, even if it feels a little off. “Some of us do, yes. But I get it, you’re a ‘fuel over flavor’ kind of guy.”
“Gotta keep up the wide receiver energy,” he says, but the joke lands flat.
I push my cup aside, leaning forward. “Okay, what’s going on? You’ve been glued to your phone all morning. You’re not even looking at anything.”
He sighs, shoving it into his pocket. “It’s nothing, Alli. Just some team stuff, getting ready for the game.”
“Team stuff? You’ve barely touched your avocado toast and matcha latte. That’s serious,” I say lightly, hoping he’ll meet me halfway.
He shrugs, and I catch the way his jaw clenches. “Can we drop this for now?”
The words sting, but I force my face to look neutral. “This…?”
“This,” he mutters, gesturing vaguely between us. “Whatever… conversation this is supposed to be.”
“You’re always tired lately.” I say breathily, crossing my arms over my chest.
“Because I’m busy with football, classes, everything. It’s a lot.”
I bite back the retort sitting on my tongue, swallowing the words before they can escape. Pushing him now won’t fix anything. I let out a slow breath.
“I’m not trying to start something,” I say, keeping my tone even. “I just… feel like I haven’t had you lately.”
I don’t mention how things have felt off since we got back from Thanksgiving, he already knows. His eyes flick to mine, and I think I see something crack in his expression. But then he looks away, rubbing the back of his neck.
“I’m right here, Alli,” he says, but it sounds defensive, not reassuring.
“Are you?” The question slips out sharper than I intended.
He blinks, astounded, and the silence stretches again.
I let out a shaky breath, my chest tight with frustration. “Forget it,” the words come out quickly, and I can feel my heart breaking in bits and pieces.Here we go again. “I didn’t mean to—”
“No, it’s fine,” he interrupts, the bite in his voice enough to make me flinch. He grabs his latte and finishes it in one long gulp, avoiding my eyes. “I’ve got study group. I’ll catch you at the game.”
I choke back the lump in my throat, smiling through it even though it bothers me like hell. “Sure. Good luck.”
He’s already tossing his bag over his shoulder, and before I can say another word, he leans in, pressing a quick kiss to my cheek. His lips skim my skin like it’s something he does without thinking—more out of habit than anything else.
