“School’s fine.”
“Everything okay with your friends?”
“Everything’s fine with them.” I shift in my seat, starting to feel a wave of heat overcome me.
“What about–”
No bullshit. “No,” I cut her off, “you don’t get to do that.”
“Do what?”
My heart is racing against my chest. “You don’t get to act like a mother with me.”
Catherine forces an unsteady smile. “Okay… what would you like to talk about?”
I twist the bracelet on my wrist, the bracelet Tyler gave to me. “I need to know why you left and why it fucks with my headyearslater.”
Catherine’s smile fades, replaced by a flicker of pain in her eyes. “Serena, I’ve wanted to explain–”
“But you never did!” my voice loudens, a mix of hurt and anger bubbling to the surface. “You walked out on our family. On your three year old daughter.”
Catherine’s hand reaches out hesitantly, a silent plea for understanding. I recoil.
“I didn’t handle things well. I made mistakes, terrible ones, and I’m so sorry. But I needed time, space–”
“To abandon me?” my voice cracks, tears threatening to spill. “I was a child, Mom. I needed you.”
Her eyes glisten. “We had you at a young age, I wasn’t ready. Your dad and I–”
“You and dad didn’t work out. But you never gaveusa chance.” I gesture back and forth between us two. As she looks away, my grip tightens on the bracelet.
“I know I hurt you,” she breathes heavily. “But I love you and your father dearly,” her voice wavers with guilt. “I was justscared… I didn’t know what to do. It wasn’t just about him, it was about me too.”
“Right, about you, too,” I chuckle ironically, then lean forward on the table demandingly. “What about me? Was I not good enough to be your daughter?”
“It’s, uh… it’s not like that, I wasn’t ready to be a mother when I had you. Every day I regret leaving you, but I was broken. I couldn’t be the mother you needed.”
My eyes narrow, a mask of hurt and disappointment evident on my face. “This is why I was afraid. Of love, of getting close to someone. I couldn’t trust... anyone. You broke my trust before anyone else could.”
She puts her hands in prayer, holding her face and exhales. “Serena, I understand that, I do. But I’ve changed, I’m trying...”
“It’s not just about you, Mom. It’s about me. I’ve spentyearsbuilding walls, trying not to get hurt. Love was always this scary, unknown thing. I didn’t want to end up abandoned again.”
She reaches out tentatively, her hand hovering in the air, wanting to comfort me. “I’m here now, Serena. I’m not going anywhere.”
I flinch away from her reach, the walls still standing tall. “No.”
“No?”
“No. You lost the opportunity to be any ounce of a mother the day you left me.”
“Serena–”
“It’s my turn to talk now. God, I can’t believe I was so scared of love because of you! All this time I tried to conjure up why you left. Was it drugs? Money? But you left because you were scared?Scared?I was scared when I fell off my bike and had a nasty scar. I was scared when I got my first period. I was scared at my first cheer competition. I realize now that fear isn’t the same. You, leaving me, made me scared of love. It made me scared to let anyone close because I wasterrifiedthey’d leave too.”
“I know I can’t change the past, Serena. I wish I could go back and make it right.”
“Don’t,” my voice cracks so much pent-up emotions. I dig into my bag and shove a couple of dollars on the table. “We’re done.”
