Alli pulls up the opening scene of To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before against the blank canvas. “No reason, I figured we should celebrate with pizza that you like rather than what I wanted. High school, senior year t-minus one day. This is a big step from three years ago.” She grabs both of my hands. “You are the best person in the world. You deserve nothing but good memories this year.” Alli lets go of my hands and leans back against her pillows, and I already know what she’s about to say.
“Make new friends. Join a club. Complain about asshole teachers. Go to Friday night games. Eat the gross cafeteria food. We can plan senior pranks. Experience senior perks. Hell, maybe you’ll meet your high school sweetheart. I just can’t believe it’s happening!”
Grabbing pizzas for us on the plastic plates, I let out a chuckle, “You’re a good friend, you know that?”
Alli takes the slice and presses play on her laptop. “I know and as your certified bestie, I’m allowed to say this, you’re still insane for not liking supreme pizzas. Psycho ass.”
Chapter 4
Serena
I’m standing by the window, playing with one of my dolls, the air feels really weird, with tension that you could cut with a knife. I hear my mom’s soft whisper outside my door.
“Mommy!” I say, watching her silhouette moving towards the front door. I run towards her, tugging on her pants. “Where are you going?” she doesn’t look back.
“Mommy, please don’t go,” I beg.
My mom pauses, casting a brief glance over her shoulder. I see the fear and confusion in her eyes. “I have to, sweet girl. You’ll understand one day.”
Tears begin to fall down my cheeks. I don’t really understand what’s going on. “Can I come with you?”
I’m pulling on her pants trying to cling onto her, but my small hands didn’t do much force. Mom shakes my hands off her and her eyes… I’ll never forget the look in her eyes, it was dark and cold, no longer vibrant and filled with joy like when she would play dollhouse with me.
The door clicks shut and I feel my chest hurting, my heart crumbling into a million pieces. I feel a wave of unknown feelings ripple through my small body, abandonment, lost and alone.
I hear the car door slam shut outside and the distant engine roar to life. The house is too quiet now. I stay still by the front door, thinking she’ll come back in a few minutes. They feel like hours.
Dad comes in after some time along with Aunt Lina. He picks me up in his arms and cradles me off to bed.
“Where’s mommy?”
I see the look in his eyes. It’s not the same look when he talks about mommy. The look of love and adoration. He’s scared.
“Mommy went somewhere.”
“I want to go with her.”
We’re in my bedroom now and he gently tucks me into bed while sitting at the foot of it.
With a quiet sigh, he says, “Mommy wants to be alone. I’m so, so sorry, love.”
I bury myself in the covers, the warmth offering a small sense of security. “Will she come back?”
Dad hesitates, “I hope so, love. I really do.”
“She never came back,” I mumble in my sleep, “She…shenevercame back!” I’m jolted awake by my nightmare. The recurring nightmare that haunts me almost every week.
Gasping for air, I sit up in bed, drenched in sweat. The nightmare lingers, wrapping around me in a suffocating way. It’s a memory I wish I could erase, but it replays like a broken record.
My breaths come out in uneven bursts, and I wrap my arms around my knees, seeking protection. The room feels too silent and cruel, like always.
“God, I can’t believe she’s still keeping me awake all these years,” I mutter to myself as I rub my forehead.
I lay back down, hoping sleep will find me again. But it never does. When I have these nightmares, whether it’s a replay of my mother leaving me or the news of dad passing away, I can hardly ever fall back asleep. When I do, it takes a couple of hours at most. On those nights, I stare at the ceiling, just dreaming, thinking, practically anything to distract me from my past.
Scrolling on my phone, I notice that there’s a text message from Alli that came in around 1 a.m., after I went to bed.
Alli:hey, there’s a lake party going on at lake norman tomorrow night.
