He clears his throat. “Why aren’t you sleeping? I didn’t think you were going to be up.”
“I couldn’t sleep. Well, sometimes sleep can’t find me. You?”
He shrugs. “I told you, I wanted to talk to you.”
“So, you waited until midnight to call me?”
Tyler grins. “Why do you have trouble sleeping?” he asks with a curious frown.
“I don’t know… it’s just hard sometimes to turn off my brain.”
“Have you ever thought about counting sheep?” he suggests with a playful grin.
I laugh and switch to laying on my other side. Tyler mirrors the same action. “I actually used to do that a lot.”
Tyler raises an eyebrow as he sits up against his bed frame. “Did it work for you?”
I chuckle softly. “Not really. I’d always end up getting distracted, and then I’d start thinking about random things.Counting sheep turned into planning my day or dreaming that I’m a popstar.”
Tyler chuckles. “So, instead of sleeping, you were on American Idol?”
I nod, a grin spreading across my face. “Yeah, I’m pretty delusional.”
“Not delusional, just imaginative.” Tyler smiles, and I do too.The butterflies. “It’s a good thing we didn’t have a sheep-counting competition back then. I would’ve won for sure.”
“You would’ve,” I raise my eyebrows. “What about you?”
“What about me?”
“When you can’t sleep, what do you do?” I question, my eyes drawn to him more than usual. It’s the late-night vibes, I swear.
Tyler pauses for a moment before he speaks, “Don’t make fun of me.”
“Promise.”
“I like to watch those ASMR cooking videos.”
“ASMR?” I straighten up a little, “I like watching them too! The barista vlogs are so peaceful. Do they help?”
“Yeah,” Tyler nods, “it helps me sleep and… with my anxiety.”
I prop myself up on my elbow. “Anxiety?”
Tyler hesitates for a moment, his gaze shifts to the floor before meeting mine. “Yeah,” he admits, then exhales deeply, “I’ve struggled with it for a while now.”
I don’t respond right away, giving him the chance to open up more, because Iwantto know more.
“Sometimes it feels like my mind is constantly racing, and I just can’t find a steady peace. It got worse a couple of years ago, but therapy has helped a lot.”
“I’m glad therapy helped you.”
Late night conversations that I’ve seen happen on TV don’t compare to when it actually happens. This… feels more relaxed and intimate. Intimate enough to where I think we’re becoming closer in our friendship. He’s slowly letting down his walls, and I’m still questioning mine.
Stop it, Serena. Catching feelings for someone is scary. The chances of having my heart stomped on increase if I let my walls down.
And boy, don’t I know about heartbreak. The first time was when I watched my mom turn her back on me. The second was when my dad died. The third time, I’d like to imagine itneverhappened. I don’t think I can handle a boyfriend in this mix, because what if they decide I’m not good enough like my mom? Or what if the universe decides it’s their time to leave?
Mommy issues, I’m telling you.
