I head home and take a quick shower, then change before heading out. There’s a bottle of Rhodes Vineyards wine in the kitchen that is due to be enjoyed, so I take that with me. The rain is coming down in buckets, making it tough to see the lane that leads to Una’s place. The fairy lights are on, though, twinkling like beacons, and I can see the glow of lights inside the trailer. Una’s place is almost dark and I remember that she started treatment again this week.
Sylvia has the door open by the time I run under the awning. I hand her the wine then reach up to tip out a bit of water that’s accumulated on the canvas. It gives me something better to do than stare at her. She’s wearing a black floral sundress that swings around her knees and leaves hershoulders bare. Her hair is loose and she’s wearing a pale lipstick. She looks soft, feminine and alluring.
Is this a date?
Or is it a reward? I can’t help but think that every time Sylvia is welcoming to me – every time we have sex – it’s right after I’ve done something for her. I don’t want a relationship that’s about transactions and tallies.
I want more.
Despite my misgivings I duck inside, making sure I don’t touch her. I’m immediately struck by the fact that I am out of scale. I don’t fit in this place. I’m too tall. The top of my head almost brushes the ceiling and I feel like I’m crowding Sylvia out of her own kitchen.
Worse, she’s wearing some floral perfume. Her feet are bare and she smiles up at me frequently, her eyes dancing. She’s utterly and completely seductive.
I try to stay out of her way, but we end up brushing against each other and it’s just too much. It’s so private and secluded, so damn romantic with the rain on the roof and the fairy lights over the table, that I feel like I’m going to make a huge mistake.
Maybe both of us are.
This isn’t right.
“I have to go,” I say and it sounds rude, even to me.
Sylvia stops and turns to face me, her eyes wide and her lips parted. “I thought you wanted to start again.”
“I do. I did.” I push a hand through my hair and can only be blunt. “But this feels calculated, Sylvia. Like I did something for you, so now you’re going to seduce me in return.”
I know as soon as the words are out that I said the wrong thing because her face falls. I hate that I’ve hurt her feelings.
“That’s not what I meant,” she says.
“I know, but it’s how it feels to me. I want to be with you, but I don’t want to keep score.”
“Of course not.” She speaks gently, looking around as if she’ll find the answer in the trailer’s kitchen, then looks up at me. There are unshed tears in her eyes and I’m a dead man. If she touches me, we’ll end up in bed, regardless of my misgivings. “I don’t know how to do this, Mike. I’ve been alone for a long time.”
Since we were together before. I know that now.
She takes a breath and continues. “I can see now why you might feel that way, but I was happy tonight. I wanted to celebrate, and I wanted to do that with you.” She sighs and shakes her head. “I’m sorry I didn’t think it through. You’re right. It does look very one-for-you-and-one-for-me, but that wasn’t my intention.” She smiles just a little. “I’m so relieved and you made that possible.”
“See what I mean?”
“I do.” She frowns slightly. “Can I try again?”
She looks so defeated that I can’t just walk out.
I nod.
Sylvia takes a deep breath. “For years, I was stressed about money and balance, and keeping everything on track, and whatever the future might bring. I was used to falling short and I thought I was managing our reality pretty well, but it wears you down. This week, I was able to put down that weight. It’s a wonderful feeling, one I never expected to have. I was happy tonight and so I wanted to share this wonderful feeling.” She smiles tentatively at me. “I wanted to celebrate with you, but not because you made this happen. I wanted to be with you.”
“Maybe we should start over again,” I suggest and feel like a hero when she smiles brilliantly.
“Yes, please.”
I stand and bask in her pleasure for a moment, then duck out the door again. I push some more water out of the awning as if I’m just arriving, then knock on the door.
She opens right away, still smiling. “Hi Mike.”
“It’s like you knew I was here,” I say and she laughs.
“Maybe I have psychic abilities.”
