Page 105 of Betrayal and Vows

"Then Mikhail would drag you to that altar himself." Her voice is barely above a whisper. "And your father and I would be dead before sunset."

I close my eyes. There it is. The truth we've been dancing around for weeks.

"So, I have no choice."

"None of us do." She reaches out like she wants to touch my face, then stops herself. "But Lena... sometimes we can find happiness even in cages."

"Did you? With my father?"

The question hangs between us. For a moment, she looks older. Tired in a way that has nothing to do with sleep.

I don’t want to be her.

I don’t want to marry a man I don’t love. I don’t just not love Mikhail; I hate him.

He disgusts me.

My father is not like Mikhail.

I’ve seen the tenderness between them. I believe he loves her in his own way.

And she must feel something for him.

"I learned to." She stands, smoothing her skirt. "And you will too."

“I won’t.”

“I’ll be back in fifteen minutes.”

After she leaves, I lie there staring at the ceiling.

My fingers go to Anton's mother's ring. It feels like it weighs a thousand pounds.

I twist it around and around, remembering how his hands shook when he gave it to me.

I force myself to get in the shower.

I let the water beat against my skin, wishing it could wash away everything that led to this moment.

When I finally emerge, the bathroom mirror is steamed over and I can’t see my reflection.

Good.

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look at myself in the mirror again.

My mother is waiting in the room with a breakfast tray.

“I’m not hungry.”

“You’ll eat.”

“And then I’ll vomit.”

“Stop being dramatic.”

She gives me a biscuit and stares at me until I take a bite.

It feels like eating cardboard.