“It’s not your time for questions, Dax. Is it? You had your chance to do the right thing all those years ago, but what did you do? Who’s the coward? Maybe we should ask some of those questions…hmmm?” My blood boils as he brings up more mistakes from my past. I clench my hand into a fist, the shadows of my magic begin to build around it, and we both have a look of shock when we see it happening. “Well, that’s just not going to do…” He flicks his fingers, and one of the soldiers comes up.Before I can do anything, he jabs a needle into my neck, and at the same time, I push myself to my feet. My bare feet are numb and trip on each other, causing me to stumble forward.
“Fuck.” I curse, trying to steady myself, but the world is tilting. Before I’m able to take another step, the ground is rushing toward my face, and I’m hitting it hard. My eyes flutter as I roll onto my back with a groan. The ghost of a man from my past towers over me as my vision flickers in and out before I’m thrust into a darkness I’m not even familiar with. There are no dreams, no magic, and I feel nothing. My body, my soul, everything is numb. Even the bond with Raelle seems gone.
This.
This is the most terrifying darkness I’ve ever felt. Any and all light is truly snuffed out, and I don’t know how to fight it. I don’t know how to get it back, and I have no reason to live without it, without her.
I’m sure it's been days that have passed, but there are no windows here to judge the passing of time. Each time I wake, there is a new pain searing through my body from the torture they have been putting me through. Each slice of the blade, each rip of myflesh makes me weaker. Each fist that lands along my body feels as though it reverberates through my head and my soul. I know they aim to break more than just my body, though. They want my mind broken, and I fear it’s beginning to work.
Ma sits at my side, not touching me but only watching. Concern is painted on her face, but she says nothing. The rippling at the edges of her form tells me it’s not real. She’s not really here. The fact that I see her at all though worries me the most. My mind is growing as weak as my body by the day.
Soren has yet to visit again, and I’m beginning to wonder if he was even real or a delusion that surfaced from being kept down in this desolate place.
I’ve not seen another familiar face since then, besides my mother. Present, but never close enough. My head hangs low, and it takes great effort to lift it this time when I wake up. My eyes sting as I peel them open; the dryness is painful, causing me to wince. I lick my swollen lips, tasting iron and salt, from the blood and sweat that has created a cover over the entirety of my broken body.
Again, I attempt to look around, but I see nothing. When my tormentors are not here, I am plunged into the deep depths of darkness, where there is nothing to see, no matter how hard I try. Whatever they are dosing me with is keeping my magic from me mostly, but when they spend too much time away, there is magic burning under my skin. Healing magic spreads slowly through me, and it's able to fix some of the pain lingering in my weary body. The new sensation vibrates there too. Still, I don’t know what it is.
Closing my eyes, I tilt my head back and think of Raelle. I've been trying to project my shifts, as I think I did when I was cursed, but I don’t know how I managed to do it before. Sometimes I wonder when I see her, if it’s just dreams or if I’ve been successfulin projection. Most of the time, I only get a glimpse. Raelle looking from a window in Loema. Trent and her walking in the garden there. Her sitting alone with tear-filled eyes near the lavender field where we held the bonding ceremony.
I push all the power I can muster into my thoughts of Raelle, and when I feel a ripple of magic and I’m seeing her as though she is standing right in front of me—I know this time.
I did it.
Her silver blonde hair glows in the moonlight. She stands on the balcony outside of our room in Loema, her eyes closed as she basks in the light of the moon. I feel a surge of power; her eyes whip open, and it’s as though she’s looking right at me. I tilt my head as I take in her beautiful features, longing to touch her warm skin. Is she slimmer than the last time I saw her? Red rims her eyes from endless tears that she’s shed. She wipes another away as she steps forward. Like she seems to know right where I am and is stepping in close to me.
“Please give me something to know you’re alive. I know in my bones that it's true, but please. Tell me I’m not imagining this.”
I hope that I’m not going mad in this dungeon, but I almost think I felt her breath brush my skin. Just in case I’m not going mad, I decide to use my mind to speak what I would, as though she is standing right in front of me.
“I’m alive, my love. Just barely, but I will hold on to anything I can until I am able to return to you.”Her eyes widen, and tears well and fall across her cheeks. She heard the words that I thought—she had to have. I feel my body weakening further, but I hold on as long as I can, needing to keep her with me as long as possible—to continue watching her and feeling her presence. It's not long before the ripple of magic courses through me and the darkness that surroundsmy body once again surrounds my mind, and as my head falls, I’m thrust into nothingness once again.
“Wake up,” a deep, familiar voice snaps as a bucket of water splashes my face and chest. I shake my head to clear the water and sleep from it. Cano stands before me, a wicked glint playing in his eyes from the fire flickering in the sconces around the room.
“Motherfucker.” My lip cracks as it pulls back into a snarl.
“Save the theatrics, brother. It's just me and you down here.” His smile widens as he steps closer, tilting his head and taking me in. They took my leathers and tunic from me at some point and strapped me to a wood chair. My bare chest is cut and bleeding in multiple locations. The ache I’ve felt over my entire body is nothing right now, though. Consumed by rage, I feel nothing else. A calmness I’ve not felt since I was graced by the vision of my mate washes over me. A different darkness seeps through my veins and into my eyes as I look at my once-best friend, which even I would fear if I were the one looking down at me. Slowly, my eyes track up his body to meet his dark gaze.
“Whatever you plan for me,brother, I suggest you get it over with soon... If you don’t end my life, I’m going to find a way to kill you.You and I both know it. This,” I jut my chin out between us, “isn’t going to work to break me. It's not going to be enough to contain me either,” I say ominously. I’ve felt power surges more and more frequently since the time I was able to project my shift and speak with Raelle. It’s those surges that’ve made me believe it was all real.
She knows I’m still alive. I haven't been able to do it again, but Cano’s men have been coming more frequently too—just to torture me. But I’m healing faster every day. I’m sure Cano is aware of that, which is likely why he is here now instead of his men. He wants to see it for himself. I'm no stupid man.
His laugh is hollow as he looks around the room. “Honestly, I’m not sure why you are being kept here, Dax. They have a plan for you. I’m just happy to be a part of the fun until we get to Raelle. Don’t doubt for a second that I was aware you wouldn't die in that blast. I aimed to kill you. I was the one kept in the dark. Raelle—she is the real one we need to control the kingdom. You were just in the way.”
A guttural growl rips from my dry throat, and I use every ounce of strength I have to push at the binds that hold me in the chair. Cano jumps back, another laugh coming from him. Then he leans in close and says, “Hmm, seems I tapped a nerve with that one. Perhaps my energy has been wasted on torturing you physically. It's time to refocus, isn't it, brother? I bet Raelle will scream so pretty as you watch me own her. Break her. I do know all the ways to make her scream… Remember, brother, I split those plump lips with my cock well before you.”
I snap forward before he sees it coming and slam my head into his nose. Blood pisses from between his fingers where he holds it. “Fucker!” His fist comes down right after I make sure he sees the raw hatred in the smile I brandish across my face. Decidingin that moment, I will figure out a way to escape this prison—I’ll do whatever it takes to spare Raelle from Cano’s grasp. I will do anything to ensurethatdoesn't happen.
Chapter twenty-two
Panic grasps me bythe throat, a tightness making it so I can’t get nearly enough air into my lungs. I frantically crawl up the bed, flinging the blankets and sheets from my sweat-soaked body, and claw at the imaginary hand that is necklaced around my airway. My chest rises and falls at the same rapid pace as my heart. Looking around, I force my breaths to slow as I realize it was just a dream.
My gaze moves around the still-dark room, everything cast in deep purples and varying shades of black. Silver light filters in through the windows from the moon shining brightly and hangs low in the night sky, and then my gaze drops to the empty side of the bed. The side that Dax should be on and the sharp edges of theknife that has been lodged in my heart twist. Searing pain entombs me for a moment. I can’t move. I can't breathe.
But I have to. I can't let my grief take control, but it's so hard when I realize what it is I'm missing this time. I force a deep breath in through my nose and out of my mouth, closing my eyes to dispel the terror from the nightmare. The moisture on my skin makes my hair stick to my neck and chest, and the cool air stirring around the room sends goosebumps along the exposed skin on my arms and legs.
I tuck my legs in close to my body and cradle my head in my hands as I realize I can't hold onto the strength I thought I had, and in the silence of the night, alone in my bed, I break.
It’s a different dream each time, but the tears that follow are the same miserable ones. They never fail to come after I wake from the nightmares that haunt me. The same faceless soldiers beating and cutting into me, and I’m defenseless. Usually bound to a chair or tied to a stone altar. The hard stone surface is the worst because that is when the blades or tools come out to rip and pull at my flesh. Somehow, I know it’s my subconscious eating at me because of my worry for Dax. It has to be. Everyone else believes that he’s dead, but I refuse to accept that as my truth. I know in my heart that if he were dead, I would feel the bond sever. I would feelsomethingwith my magic that would tell me it was true. I think that I would know in my heart—my soul—if he was no longer a part of this life.
