My throat burns and I swallow the lump there.
Marianna blinks, her posture changing from defensive to concerned. “I never expected a different life. I am under no illusions of safety.”
“But don’t you see that it destroys me? How much I hate the cruelty and the games we all must play? The posturing, and the killing? And that for all I’ve done to get where I am, it hasn’t been enough to keep you safe,” I speak so loud, I feel like more beast than man. There are hot tears welling beneath my eyes, and if my father were here he would beat me for them.
I curse him, that man, whose inheritance was only blood and hurt.
“I hate that I cannot give you a quiet life, and if not quiet, then one that is secure. You should not have to fight, or be attacked in your own home, you have yoked yourself to a broken man in a world that, obviously, willnevertruly be safe for a child.”
I want her to be angry with me, to blame me, to understand that despite it being she who asked me to marry her, I feel that I’ve somehow tricked her into this, maybe by manifestation alone. I thought of her too much, craved to know her too often, and the universe took pity on me, forcing her into my path when she was vulnerable.
And Icouldn’t protect her.
I’ve failed Marianna. I almost lost her, the margin of error was wafer thin, ninety seconds later and she could have been dead. It would have killed me, losing her.
She’s in more danger now than she ever was before, a new target on her back that I was naive to think I could keep her from. She married me for protection, for her, for her family, and I have proven many times now that I cannot adequately protect her. Useless, useless man.
“You should’ve picked someone else.”
“Oh, Maxim.” Her voice is more gentle than I deserve. I cover my eyes with my hand for a long moment and scrape it down my face. When I open my eyes again, she’s watching me with her lower lip pulled between her teeth. I want to reach up and release it, but I won’t touch her.
She opens her mouth but then presses her lips together, stopping whatever she was about to share. I look down to her hands, where she spins her wedding ring on her finger.
“When I realized there was someone in the house, I could have done a lot of things,” Marianna says. She’s looking down at me, so serious, any trace of confusion or anger gone from herexpression. “I think a few months ago I might’ve just tried to deal with it myself.”
The idea of this makes me feel ill, but I don’t look away.
“I would’ve died, I know that.” She bites her lip again and comes to sit to my left. For a silent moment, she watches the fire. “I could’ve called anyone, I didn’t even know if you were nearby.”
It was damn lucky I was. I had a meeting with Colton Tenneson at the Orlov. He tried to convince me to sell the hotel to him again. I hated sitting through it, but am grateful for it now.
“I calledyou, Maxim, because I knew that no matter where you were in this city, you would come.”
“Of course I would,” I whisper. I want so badly to touch her, to kiss every part of her, to make her see how deeply I feel for her, even if she will never reciprocate.
“I know.” She meets my stare, her eyes completely capturing me. “That’s what you’re not getting. I trust you, Iknewyou would come.”
“And if I was late?”
“You weren’t, Maxim.”
“But—”
She cuts me off with her mouth on mine, a tender press of her lips that renders me speechless. Marianna pulls away, and holds my stare.
“You got here. I feel safe with you. I trust you.”
I exhale a sharp breath and kiss her again, longer this time, but just as gentle. It’s not a kiss for sex or to bring her down from a thought spiral; it’s comforting and warm and so intimate it makes my heart feel like a fragile thing.
The weight of my affections for her are so heavy, it’s as if my sternum will break beneath the weight of them. Being withMarianna always feels this way to me, heady and consuming and like loving her will burn up my very organs. It might.
I lift my palm to her neck, sliding my fingers into her hair. I kiss her nose and both cheeks.
“I adore you, Marianna,” I say, and pull her forehead against mine.
“Don’t be dramatic.”
“Am I ever?”
