Page 179 of Darkness Births the Stars

I stared at the ground, fighting the dark pull of my memories, of centuries of pain and loss.

“So we simply hope that your brother and Rada”—I quickly corrected myself—“the queen are successful?”

Aramaz’s gaze returned to the farm, a slight smile playing on his lips. “Let Belekoroz be a hero for once,” he mused. “It might do my brother good.”

I stared at him, incredulous. “And if he seizes the Chaoscrown? If he tries to overthrow you once more?”

The king’s smile deepened, his hand pressing reassuringly on my shoulder. “Then we must trust that Baradaz is right, and he has truly changed.”

Before I could respond, he turned to Enlial.

“There is another Council meeting this morning. We must depart.” He nodded in farewell. “Tayshren.” And then he was gone, leaving me more conflicted than ever, my thoughts racing.

“How curious.” It was only when the Farseer’s voice rang outbeside me that I realized they had not left. “You seemed quite concerned about the queen’s wellbeing earlier.”

My eyes shifted to the Aurea of Air, noting the severe fall of their black hair and the great white wings spread majestically behind them. Though I served Aramaz, I had always believed all the Aurea deserved our deference. But that did not mean I held each of the Ten in equal regard. Some might find foresight awe-inspiring, but I could not help but wonder how easily it lent itself to manipulation. And I did not like their all-too-innocent tone.

“Have you told the king you gave Noctis an Air stone to help him find her?” I retorted, watching that ethereal, flawless face. “I didn’t know you worked as a soothsayer now.”

Enlial smiled, not perturbed by the revelation that I knew it had been them Noctis had encountered in Triannon. “Why didn’t you tell him, king’s herald?” Those bright wings whispered over the ground as they stepped closer, a few feathers trailing over my bare arm. The touch stirred memories I wished to keep buried. “I recall you never had much fondness for the queen,” they continued. “It must be strange, having her care for you as a beloved pet, only to later divulge all her secrets.”

“My loyalty remains unchanged,” I snapped. “It lies with the king.”

“Of course.” Enlial circled me, their golden-blue eyes fixed on my face, as if my reactions were endlessly fascinating. Curse them! “Or else you might have to admit that you have come to understand Baradaz much better now. That you have realized duty is a cold substitute for love, and sometimes doing what we think we have to do is slowly killing who we truly are until we cannot even remember what we are fighting for.”

My heart raced as I stared at them, a sudden nausea churning in my stomach. “Don’t…” I pressed out.

They did not heed the plea in my voice, continuing mercilessly. “What was the name of that lover you left behind at the order of the Council? One of my children, wasn’t he? Didn’t he die in the Battle of Laurelin Forest? I don’t remember.”

“He didn’t die,” I whispered, trembling under the weight of all my regrets.

Though I am dead to him.

I thought of beautiful hazel eyes flecked with gold. Of a smile that had been lost to me. Of the gentleness of a healer’s touch as elegant fingers combed through the soft fur of my cat form.

I should be the last being in all of Aron-Lyr to judge others. Few carried the weight of betrayal and deception as heavily as I did.

Enlial’s voice broke through my reverie, snapping my attention back to the Aurea of Air. “Not many of us receive a second chance in our lives. If we do, we should not turn our backs on it.” They cast an amused glance toward the farm. “I wouldn’t return to the house just yet if I were you. They will need more time to celebrate their reunion.”

A flash of anger cut through the sorrow their words had conjured. “Must be amusing,” I growled. “To move us all around on the playfield of fate.”

That aloof face hardened, piercing eyes suddenly dominating my vision. “No, not amusing at all,” the Farseer said, their voice low and haunting. “Be glad you don’t know half of what awaits us all, herald. Or the despair in your heart might devour you.”

With that they were gone, a bright light in the air signaling their shift into spirit form. Part of me wished I could escape as easily as well. But I was bound. Bound by my orders, and perhaps even more by the impossible wishes of my heart.

For a long time, I stood on the field, my face toward the sun, notfighting the steady flow of tears that escaped my closed eyes. Then I called on my powers, my body falling away and reforming into the familiar shape of the cat called Shadowbane.

The grass rustled. Another mouse. I did not react, though, my nose turned instead to the breeze blowing in from the south. I imagined it carried the smell of blood and ashes with it.