Dr. Lieber observed our exchange with careful attention. “What I’m hearing is that trust has been broken,” she said. “That’s where we’ll need to start. But before we dive into the affair itself, I’d like to understand more about your relationship. You’ve been together for twenty-five years, is that right?”
“Yes,” I said. “Married for fifteen, since it became legal in Florida.”
“Tell me about how you met,” she suggested. “What drew you to each other initially?”
Ray smiled for the first time since we’d arrived. “It was 1999. We met through Gay Match.”
“One of the early dating apps,” I explained. “More like a website with messaging capabilities. Not as sophisticated as today’s apps.”
“I’d been on the app for months,” Ray continued, “exchanging messages with guys who seemed promising online but fizzled in person.”
“That was me, actually,” I corrected him gently. “You had just joined.”
“Right,” Ray nodded. “My profile showed me on a mountaintop in Colorado, arms raised in victory, and another of me diving into a pool. ‘Former D1 athlete seeks adventure partner,’ I wrote. ‘Looking for someone to share the summit with.’”
“And I couldn’t have been more different,” I added. “My profile emphasized my computer career, starting with learning Fortran in high school and then majoring in computer science at Emory. I mentioned that I loved to read, and I minored in English in college.”
“I thought he was handsome and smart and was surprised that he messaged someone like me,” Ray admitted to Dr. Lieber. “But he did. And he mentioned Jane Austen early in our chats.”
“I asked him if he was Team Elizabeth Bennet or Team Darcy,” I said, finding myself smiling at the memory despite everything.
“And I said neither—I was Team Bingley, the genuinely nice guy who doesn’t judge people.”
Dr. Lieber nodded, encouraging us to continue.
“I was surprised and delighted. We messaged back and forth for a week before meeting,” I said. “He was fascinating—he’d played pro basketball in Switzerland, then started climbing mountains when his knees couldn’t take the court anymore.”
“And Jeffrey was this brilliant guy who could quote literature one minute and then explain complex coding problems the next,” Ray added. “When we finally met at a brewpub, he was exactly what his profile promised. Smart, funny...”
“And sexy as hell,” I finished, quoting his words from that night. “That’s what you said to me.”
Ray’s eyes met mine, a flicker of our old connection passing between us. “I remember.”
Dr. Lieber watched this exchange with interest. “It sounds like you were both drawn to qualities in each other that were different from yourselves. The athlete and the intellectual.”
“Or the jock and the nerd, to put it gay romance terms.”
“Complementary skills,” Ray agreed. “I pushed Jeffrey to try new physical challenges, and he opened my mind to books and ideas I’d never considered.”
“What about shared interests?” Dr. Lieber asked. “Things you both enjoyed together?”
We looked at each other, and I realized with a pang how difficult it was to immediately identify something that wasn’t connected to our son.
“We both love Leo,” Ray said, echoing my thoughts. “Our son. We adopted him when he was five, after Jeffrey’s cousin and his wife died in a car accident.”
“Raising him together has been the greatest joy of our lives,” I added.
Dr. Lieber nodded. “Parenting is certainly a powerful bond. But I’m curious about connections that are just between the two of you, independent of your roles as fathers.”
The silence that followed was uncomfortable. How had we lost track of what connected us beyond parenting?
“We used to hike together,” Ray finally offered. “Early in our relationship. Jeffrey would complain the whole time, but he’d make it to the summit.”
“And Ray would read the books I recommended,” I said. “At least the first few chapters.”
“Before Leo,” Ray continued, his voice softer, “we’d take weekend trips to small towns along the Gulf Coast. Find the local bookstore for Jeffrey, a trail or water activity for me, and then meet up for dinner to talk about our day.”
I’d almost forgotten those trips. “We’d stay at bed and breakfasts. Ray would charm the hosts while I checked our route for the next day.”
