“My cover was blown.”
“So you had to leave?”
I could hear soft music, someone steaming milk, and Ashley’s foot tapping on the floor. I was doing things out of order, but I felt desperate.
“Nathan?” Ashley’s soft voice cut through the building anxiety.
“I never got the chance,” I said, staring at my coffee cup.
Ashley waited for me to say more, but I couldn’t.
“Ashley, I can’t.” Nausea took over. My stomach revolted.
“You can’t, or you won’t?”
My breathing sped up. “I can’t.” I gripped my coffee cup too hard, and the lid popped off.
Concern replaced anger. “Are you okay?”
Clearly, I wasn’t. “I’m fine,” I said through gritted teeth, sounding more angry than panicky.
“Fine? Really?” Now, frustration laced her voice. “I shouldn’t have bothered trying.” She stood up.
The fear of Ashley leaving spurred me into action.I’m a fucking SEAL, I can fight through this. I stood and reached for her arm.
“Please,” I didn’t ask, I begged, reaching the other hand to caress her cheek.
Her eyes widened, but to her credit, she didn’t flinch.
Did she trust me? Or was she too scared to move?
I took two quick deep breaths to calm down, searching her eyes for the answer. No fear.
To my surprise, she waited patiently. Watching. Analyzing.
Our eyes stayed focused on each other as I found my voice. “Ashley,” I growled as I placed my forehead against hers and wrapped my hand around the back of her neck. “Please don’t go. You have no idea…”
I still couldn’t tell her the details of what had happened. Hell, just telling her the summary of the cliff note version resulted in an anxiety attack as memories flooded my mind. Our conversation the night before had caused nightmares that haunted me most of the night.
“Then tell me,” she whispered. “Help me understand why you ghosted me.”
Taking a deep breath in, I said, “The FBI set a trap, but it didn’t work. I was outed as a mole in the organization I was trying to tear down.”
She put her hand on my arm but didn’t pull it off her neck. Her touch was gentle and sympathetic. “How bad?”
Images of chains, knives, and brass knuckle-covered fists flashed before my eyes. The snap of a whip cracking filled my ears. The tangy, metallic scent of blood filled my nose.
My chest rose and fell too fast as I lost control of my breathing.
“Nathan?” Ashley sounded like she was underwater.
Two hands grabbed my face, tilting it down. “Nathan. Are you okay?”
She sounded closer. I shut my eyes and started counting as I forced my lungs to slow down.
She waited, her soft, warm hands holding my face. When I opened my eyes, I was staring into the depths of the most beautiful honey-brown eyes I’d ever seen. Eyes I could get lost in, if she’d let me.
The depth of compassion radiating from them almost dropped me to my knees.
