She had been about to. If she had not found the list, she would have spoken to him, and what would he have said? Would hehave attempted to spare her feelings, or would he have told her the truth? Or would he have avoided the question entirely?
She turned reluctantly away from the window and the raging storm. She couldn’t remember a storm this bad. Perhaps one when she had been very small, when she had clambered onto the window ledge in her bedroom and watched the lightning strikes, the rain putting out any fires that might have sparked to life.
Back then, it had never occurred to her to be afraid.
“Let’s go to bed,” Eleanor sighed. Olivia had agreed to share her room so she wouldn’t have to be alone, but although she loved her friend dearly, she wondered if her bruised feelings would find more reprieve from being alone. “Perhaps you are right and everything will seem brighter in the morning.”
“You never know. He might come after you.”
“If he does, tell him I have gone already.”
“Ella, surely—”
“It would be better for the both of us if we have a clean break. Promise me that, Olivia. Please. If he comes here asking for me, deny him.”
Olivia’s mouth twisted. “I dislike the idea of that.”
“Believe me, it would be for the best. I don’t want him to throw away his future out of misplaced guilt.”
“If hehasbeen chasing you away,” Olivia said hotly, “then he deserves to feel that guilt. Why, when you have tried so hard to make things work.”
“Don’t.” Eleanor pressed her fingers against her forehead. Her head throbbed. She felt as though every breath was splitting her apart. All the small kindnesses Sebastian had shown her acted now as thorns in her skin, making it so much harder for her to leave him, even if his cruelty proved that she ought to.
She did her best not to remember the times when his cruelty had felt hollow or forced, as though he did it almost against his will.
She slid onto the bed and curled up against the pillow, material cool against her cheek. Olivia climbed into bed behind her, the weight and scent wrong. This was not the bedfellow she wanted.
“Thank you,” she whispered. A tear slid out from between her eyelids. “Thank you for giving me somewhere to go.”
“Of course.” Olivia’s hand brushed the hair back from her aching head. “Anything for you. You’re my best friend.”
“I’ve never had a best friend before. It means a lot that I have your support.”
“You will always have it,” Olivia said, snuggling closer.
Eleanor closed her eyes, wishing it was enough, and listened to the storm raging against the walls of the house.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Sebastian woke painfully wet in a ditch. He sat up, his body aching and his mind clearer than it had been for years. The memories that had taken over so quickly when he fell now seemed far away.
The storm had passed. Sunlight bloomed across the ground.
All around him, London awoke. He climbed from the ditch, noting that Silver had gone. Yet where once he might have thought about how everyone had left him, he felt compassion for his frightened horse. If he were a horse, he probably would have fled in the storm, too. He just hoped that Silver had made his way back home without getting hurt.
Dizziness surged through him and he swayed on his feet, pressing a hand to the side of his head. Pain lanced from the contact, and his hair came away sticky with blood.
For a moment, thoughts escaped him. He stared at the bright red, his clothes clinging uncomfortably to his skin, chilled to the bone. People passed by, oblivious to his state—or not caring enough to intervene.
But he couldn’t let this stop him. He had to find Eleanor.
His legs threatened to give way as he began on his path. The storm had washed the world clean, causing more damage than Sebastian could have accounted for. His feet splashed in puddles as he made his way along the track, tripping over cobblestones. The world twisted and blurred, and he dug his fingers into his palm to steady himself.
He would not give in until he found Eleanor and explained himself. She couldn’t leave him—not because he wished to limit her freedom, but because she did not have the truth. Once he told her, she would be able to make an informed decision.
And maybe—maybe even then she would choose to leave.
And if she did, that would be her choice—he would not stop her.
