And, mortifyingly, it had been with her own husband. One who seemed disinterested in pursuing things further.
“The issue is,” she said, looking back up into Olivia’s sympathetic face, “I simply don’t think Icanseduce him.”
“Oh, dearest, is thatall?” Olivia giggled. “I am certain you can! Listen carefully, and we shall go over all the steps.”
Sebastian stared moodily into the bottom of his brandy tumbler, the remnants of the amber liquid glinting in the dim light. All around him, smoke hung heavy in the air, and drunken men gambled their fortunes away on the toss of a dice.
Usually, when he came here, he felt a modicum of relief, a sense of being a man in a man’s world, and one he had occupied for many years. But today, he felt nothing more than irritated. Here he was, sitting in an armchair that was not his own, drinking alcohol that he had not procured, and all with the intention of avoiding his wife.
After she had disregarded his instructions and barged into his study the previous day, he had known how futile it would be to expect to avoid her entirely in his own house. After all, now shelived there too, it was inevitable they would occupy the same space.
At least he had come here for dinner and would not see her this evening at all. But even that posed no relief. One day, he would have to return. He would have to see her again, and all the desire he had pent up would come bubbling to the fore. How absurd that he could be so attracted to such a shy mouse of a girl.
Except it was more than that. It had been the way she’d responded to his touch. He knew without a doubt that if he had demanded something of her, she would have yielded, and in the most delicious way. Unlike most ladies of his acquaintance, she would understand that pain only added to the edge of pleasure. And he, a manwell-versed in such things, could be the one to show her.
A foolish, idle thought that deserved to be exterminated. Yet it lived on in his mind anyway, tormenting him with thoughts of what could never be.
He held out his glass for a refill, then went to join a table. Faro, perhaps, if the play went deep enough. He needed a distraction. And his wife had at least provided him with the fortune left to him; what use was that if he did not spend it?
By the time he arose again, his pockets were considerably heavier, and he was congratulating himself on a night well spent when a hand shot out to clasp his arm.
“Ravenscroft,” an irritatingly familiar voice chirped. “I had not thought to see you here so soon after your marriage. Come, drink with me!”
Sebastian shrugged him off. “Enough. Leave me be.” He blinked at Luke, the other man coming into focus. More irritation swamped him. Of all people, Luke ought to know that Sebastian did not engage in such frivolous friendships, especially when one’s connection to one’s so-called friend had already been severed. “I have nothing to say to you.”
“Ah, but I have plenty to say to you. You may wish me to the devil, but he and I are already well-acquainted.” He grinned, no doubt expecting Sebastian to return the expression, not faltering in the slightest when Sebastian did no such thing. “Dinner! We must dine together. What do you say to that?”
“No.” Sebastian turned to leave.
“Why, busy with other invitations?” Luke’s voice was abruptly wry. “Don’t tell me you’ve cultivated friendships elsewhere?” He looked pointedly about Sebastian, but Sebastian had not come with anyone, and he had no one by his side. “I won’t let you push me away.”
“I needed to do nothing,” Sebastian reminded him, the throbbing in his head increasing. Perhaps they had once been close, but that was before he knew the dangers of such things. “You were the one who left, and now I have nothing to say to you.”
“I’m afraid that simply isn’t a good enough reason to decline a meal with me.”
“My reason is that I don’t wish to.”
“Unfortunately,Ido,” Luke said, following him outside into the spitting rain. “I will find a way to dine with you, old friend. We will see each other again, and one way or another, we will have a drink like old times.”
Sebastian waved a hand as he stumbled to his carriage, and to his relief, Luke made no attempt to follow him further. As the coach rumbled back toward Ravenscroft Manor, he came to the horrifying realization that his carefully constructed life was falling into disarray.
First the business of his wife, and the marriage that already felt as though it had failed spectacularly. Every assumption he’d made about the quality of his wife and the inevitable outcome of the marriage had proven false. And now this. Luke, a friend who had abandoned him for the West Indies shortly after his parents died, when he was still young and trying to find his way in the world.
Luke, a friend on whom he had once been certain he could depend. Back in London, back in his life, and determined to become a permanent fixture.
Sebastian groaned, massaging his temples and wishing the darkened interior of the carriage would stop spinning. He knew better than to close control of the reins of his life now, especiallywhen this period of his existence left him increasingly open to vulnerability. He could not afford to be vulnerable, not ever but especially notnow; with vulnerability inevitably came disaster and disappointment, and heartache he could not stomach when he had finally gotten to a point where he had everything he had been wishing for.
At least everything, if one did not include the wife.
He rather wished he could not include the wife.
He glanced out of the window at the passing streets and frowned at the sight of unfamiliar houses. This was not a part of London he recognized.
“Driver!” he called, banging the roof of the carriage. “Where the devil do you think you’re going? I said to take me back to the manor.”
“Right you are, guv,” the voice came back. “Just this way. A little farther.”
Sebastian pinched his nose, a little of his inebriation receding as frustration replaced it. Finding good coachmen to replace the old was beginning to prove impossible; this man evidently did not deserve the wage he was being paid. Yet, what else could Sebastian do? He refused to hire someone who had already worked in the position, yet for some reason, he had caved to Eleanor’s request to bring back her maid. Foolish, foolish choice. Inanity at its finest.
