Ester caught up with Julian as he walked along the track, gazing out at the bay below.
“Julian.” His name, spoken softly, broke the silence between them.
He didn’t turn. “I am sorry, Ester,” he muttered, voice thick with something she could not name. “I love you, but I cannot, will not, close my eyes and deny reality. I have doomed you and I believe that each touch will accelerate the process. By tying you to me, I risk bringing your death closer. I cannot. The safest place for you to be is as far away from me as possible.”
Ester’s chest tightened, but she refused to let the weight of his words sink her. Not yet. “I understand. It is not the answer I hadhoped for, but...” she forced a lightness into her tone, though her eyes stayed fixed on him, searching, “it seems Helen may have found a beau among the Morgan family. This is certainly a charming place. Perhaps there is something to be said for marrying beneath one's station. Fresh blood, as they say. I will be Lady Kendrick in time. I am my father's heir, after all. Perhaps I will stay here and find a suitor,” she let the words fall carelessly.
Julian grunted, staring at the sea. Ester felt a flash of anger and persisted.
“Would you care so little if I married another?”
“I would hate the man for being your husband. And I might consider him a brother if he made you smile.”
“To make one smile is a simplicity. But to truly make one happy—that is a gift most rare. I can only think of one man who could make me truly happy.”
“If there were another, I would not rest until I had driven him from this earth.”
“And yet you refuse me!” Ester persisted. “You cannot do that and expect me to spend the rest of my life a spinster.”
“I… I know,” Julian murmured. “When I return to Windermere, I shall neither seek to know nor inquire whether you havemarried.” He paused, struggling with his words. “Forgive me for my cowardice, but I cannot bear to know.”
“I will not marry another. And neither will you. We are both condemned to remain alone and miserable, watching the years turn us old and gray. I shall live long enough to see it though. Have you not asked Harper to scour the papers for my obituary?”
Julian looked at her, startled. Ester smiled bitterly.
“Why did you save me?” she asked quietly.
“I... I could not let you die.”
“But you believe that I am dying. Don't you?”
Ester placed herself in front of him, looking up into hooded eyes. They were haunted. His face was pale and drawn. She reached up to gently stroke his cheek. At the faintest of her touches, he shut his eyes, a tortured sigh escaping his lips.
“Yes,” he whispered, broken.
“Then I ask again, why did you save me? Would it not have been kinder to leave me to the mercy of the sea?”
“I can do nothing about the curse, but I cannot simply let you die,” Julian breathed harshly. He raised his gloved hand to hisface, staring at it with loathing. “I should cut off these wretched hands and be done with it.”
“Hmm.” Ester’s hand shot up and grasped Julian’s gloved one. Gripping by the fingers, she swiftly tugged the glove from his hand, the leather slipping free. He lunged to snatch it back but she danced out of reach. Seconds later, she clambered over a fence that separated the track from the pasture and dropped to the close-cropped grass on the other side, skirts swishing about her ankles.
“Ester, give it back!” Julian ordered.
“No!” Ester shot back, her chest heaving with exhilaration and defiance. She clutched the glove close to her heart as if it were a token of her resolve. “I will not be condemned to a lifetime of wonderingwhat if. I will force you to face reality.”
“Iamfacing it!” Julian roared. “It is you who buries her head in the sand continually. When will you accept that to love me is to be doomed to misery?Forever!”
“Then I will be miserable forever!” Ester’s voice rang out. “As long as you are miserable with me.”
For a moment, Julian simply stared at her, stunned into silence. Then he exploded with laughter. Ester joined him a moment later. She backed deeper into the field, the long grass reaching almost to her waist. It tickled against her hands. A few yards away, a cow looked at them with curiosity, its jaws grinding and chewing.
Julian leaned heavily on the fence, dropping his head into his hands, still laughing. But the laughter soon took on a bitter edge, and within moments, she saw the glistening wetness in his eyes.
“I love you to distraction, Ester. Without you, I am lost. I do not think that I am capable any longer of living as a hermit as I once was. Not anymore. Not without you by my side. These past weeks have been hellish.”
“For me, too,” her voice softened. “I want to shake you by the shoulders sometimes... If only you could see that you are in the grip of a superstition. Trust me, Julian. Give me a day. When I do not die, give me another. Then a week. A month. Can you not just trust me with that?”
Julian hung his head, his breath coming in labored gasps, as if he had run a great distance and now found himself at the edge of a precipice. “I cannot fight you.”
