“But ultimatelyfalse. The curse took his life that very night after he insisted on holding my bare hands.”
Emily sighed. “Could it not be that your brother died of natural causes? Or perhaps an illness he acquired in his travels? He would not be the first traveler to succumb to an illness unknown to our physicians.”
Julian’s eyes were sharp on her. “You are very perceptive. You seem to see much about my life and my past. Why can’t I see yours?”
His words struck Emily as though they were a physical blow. Julian felt that blow in the tightening of her face, the slackness of her fingers, and the lowering of her gaze. All cut at him keenly.
He kicked aside the second chair with which he had constructed a makeshift bed and stood. Snatching his gloves from the bedside, he put them on, his armor against touch now complete. He denied his pain.
This was a woman he had known for the space of a day and two nights. An attractive woman who appeared to have ensnared him, putting hooks into his heart. There was no reason for pain. He did not know her and she had shown herself to be lying. Or at the very least, actively misleading him about her origins. She had mentionedLoughton Grange.He was vaguely aware of the property on the outskirts of Epping Forest.
“I’m sorry. I would not have lied to you if it weren’t necessary to protect those who are innocent of any wrongdoing,” Emily whispered plaintively.
Julian stopped in the act of walking to the door. He told himself to leave, that Emily was far better in the company of Molly, a servant of her own sex. But he could not bring himself to go. Part of him wanted to return to that glorious moment of awakening when he had been aware of nothing but the feel of her hand upon his. When the burden of memory had not yet settled back onto his shoulders, reminding him of the curse under which this beautiful, mysterious stranger was living.
His stomach clenched.
He glanced back over his shoulder. Emily was sitting up in bed, her nightdress clinging to her where sweat had rendered its opacity less than optimum. It hinted at the body beneath, at least as pale as her face. And even with the remnants of last night’s sweat on her face, her beauty was remarkable indeed.
“I owe you the truth. You saved me,” she stated.
“You owe me nothing, Emily. Your past is your own, as are your secrets. If you choose to share them, that is your prerogative,” Julian replied, stiffly.
“I want to!” Emily cried.
Julian turned to face her, feeling the wall crumbling. Her eyes seemed to gaze into his soul, seeing past the gruff exterior that he showed to the world. He found that he wanted to know her more than anything. Wanted to know what had driven her to attempt to take her own life. To discover what despair wracked her soul so that he might attempt to relieve her of that burden.
Hovering for a heartbeat longer, he finally returned to his chair and sat with a deep huff. Emily cautiously reached out a hand to him and he took it. Immediately, the soft warmth of pleasure suffused him. He yearned to prolong that connection forever. It still felt wrong, however—the instinct to pull away and protect her from the curse was still strong. It was a taboo that he could not ever imagine being free of.
“My name is not Emily Granger. It isEster Fairchild.My father is Percival Fairchild, Earl of Kendrick. My home is KendrickPriory on the outskirts of Chester. Not that I will be able to go back there.”
Her eyes filled with tears and Julian tightened his fingers around hers, wanting to communicate protection and comfort. She gave a weak smile, wiping her eyes.
“I am sorry. Sorry for getting upset and sorry for lying to you. No matter what you say, you deserve more as the man who saved my life. Though, in truth, I see little value worth saving.”
“Do not say that!” Julian said fiercely. “Life is precious and to be clung to. It is all too easily snuffed out. Tell me, if you will, why you lied about your identity.”
“It was to preserve my family’s honor. My mother and father are good and decent people. They are well thought of in Cheshire. My father is a member of the Lords and a magistrate. My mother served on the board of a poor house and is known for her kindness and generosity. My sister makes her debut this year….”
“Forgive me, but this does not tell me why you are so keen to end your life or conceal your name. It seems you should be glad to be part of such honor,” Julian said.
“I am... But there is a scandal which only my family knows of. It has not become public and to keep it from doing so, my family has been forced to relocate from one end of England to the other. To uproot their lives… all for me—because of a foolish mistake I made.”
Silent tears flowed freely down her cheeks now. Julian moved from the chair to sit on the bed beside her. He pressed her hand to his lips, kissing her fiercely. It was inappropriate but her grief moved him to compassion. He could see the glimmer of truth now. This beautiful young woman was at the heart of a scandal. Her family rallied around her to protect her. She felt guilt at the necessity for this, and had attempted to go to extreme lengths to alleviate their burdens.
“I understand,” he whispered, “you feel guilt at the demands that have been put upon your family. I too have guilt. It is a terrible weight and can be unbearable at times. There have been moments where I did not want to feel the weight of it any longer. Wanted to simply put that weight aside and rest. And there is only one means by which one can rest from guilt, isn’t there?”
Ester nodded, eyes red with torment. Tenderly, Julian pressed her wrist to his lips, holding it there, willing his comfort into her.
“I couldn’t bear it. I was humiliated. And exhausted. I had lied to everyone and all because of one stupid mistake!”
Julian wondered what the mistake was. But then what else could it be? A young and impressionable woman. A scandal. His mind found the solution all too readily. There were many men claiming the title of gentleman who had no right to it and they rarely looked as wicked and roguish as they were. Many women had been seduced by such men. Condemned by the morality of their society. Damned and judged.
“I’m glad you have told me the truth, Ester,” Julian finally sighed, “and I do not judge. I understand why you lied. It must have been lonely, pretending to be someone else.”
Ester nodded, gulping her sobs. Julian reached out impulsively to wipe away her tears, but she flinched from his touch. He let his hand fall. Despite her protestations that she could not be harmed anymore by the curse, she rejected his touch. At least when it was a more intimate touch than holding hands. He understood all too well and tried to repress the bitterness he felt at the rejection. It was her prerogative and he had no right to protest.
“It isn’t the curse,” Ester said suddenly, “I do not fear it. It is… something else…”
