“I shall have to lie,” she muttered to herself, planning the lie in her head. When she returned home the following morning, she would say that she had become lost on her ride in the night and was unable to find her way back until morning. She would have to simply pray that they would believe her foolish tale, for, to them, the alternative of her sneaking out to visit a rake would be more far-fetched.
Nervously, she sat on the edge of the bed and looked to the empty side of the chamber. The shadows were long and deep here, so dark that she looked at every corner of the room with concern.
I despair of rooms that are this dark.
It was one of the reasons she had secretly always liked sharing a chamber with her cousin, Kitty. Even if Kitty was the cousin that perhaps irritated her the most, Evelyn would rather have some company in her bedchamber than none at all.
“It was many years ago,” she whispered aloud, somehow hoping that by talking to herself, she could make her own mind see some degree of sense. “I am not that young girl anymore.”
She closed her eyes and fell back on the bed, keeping two candles and the fire lit, for she did not want the room to go wholly dark. With her eyes so fixedly closed, she saw the last time she had been left alone in a bedchamber.
Tucked away in her chamber as a small girl, she had repeatedly clambered out of bed that night, moving to the window in expectation of her parents’ return from their outing. It was the small hours of the morning the last time she had gotten up, but no one had come home.
The next day, she’d heard the staff around the house. Everyone seemed in uproar about something, and a maid had come to the chamber. Rushing in, she’d pushed some food and water into Evelyn’s hands and urged her to stay inside the chamber, not to come out for any reason.
Evelyn had cried, scared by the maid’s behavior, and begged to know what was happening.
“Where are Ma and Pa?”she had cried as the maid closed the door behind her and refused to tell her.
It was only later that day Evelyn had discovered the door had been locked. She couldn’t get out.
That evening, she saw some of the servants leaving the house through the door. Some were even forced out against their will, and she remembered seeing the maid who had put her in the room clawing to get back into the house, but she was dragged away.
That night, no one had come to tuck Evelyn in bed, and no one had come to light the candles. Evelyn found a tinder box, struggling to light it as she had seen so many adults do. It was difficult, and she had burned her palm attempting it but failed anyway.
The whole night she had spent in complete darkness, crying in corners, fearing what would come at her through that blackness. No one heard her tears and her cries, no one came, not even her parents. She had not slept a wink and by the time the sun rose, she was a quivering mess, darting her head back and forth like a spooked animal.
Two people had run toward the house as the sun tore through the horizon. It was her aunt and uncle, and Peter had burst through the chamber door with Mavis following him inside.
“How could you forget her?”he hissed at his wife.“She’s a child!”
“My sister has just died. Do you truly believe I am thinking straight?”Mavis had barked, hurrying toward Evelyn who cowered in the corner of the room.
Died… she said died.
At no point did anyone tell Evelyn categorically that her parents had died. She was left to infer it from everyone else’s conversations. She’d discovered later that after her parents had died in a carriage accident, the house had been locked up. Peter had swept in to remove the staff, fearful that one of them might try to steal the baron’s things and therefore damage any inheritance that could come their way.
In the midst of all the commotion and fear, both Mavis and Peter hadn’t thought about Evelyn, who had just been four years old at the time. She was remembered later.
Evelyn’s eyes shot open. There was no way she could sleep. Each time she looked around the chamber, she thought of that night alone again, the fear, the shouting and crying she did for her mother and father, who of course, had never been able to come and answer her desperate pleas.
She sometimes wondered if there had been something there with her in the darkness that night. If ghosts exist, was it mad to think her mother and father had been present the entire time? Merely the thought of a ghostly presence in the room had Evelyn bursting out of the bed now.
“I cannot stay in this darkness.”
She needed another room. Any chamber was better than a bedchamber, and as long as she could flood it with candles, then that would be ideal. At least she would be able to find a few hours of sleep then, even if it was not much.
Leaving her auburn hair loose around her shoulders, she reached for a dressing gown that Mrs. Rivers had left hung on the back of a door for her. She wrapped the dressing gown haphazardly around her night rail and slipped her feet into some slippers, hurrying out of the room as quickly as she could, taking one of the candles with her.
Evelyn clung to the brass candle holder as she walked the castle corridors. Soon enough, she was beginning to regret her decision to leave the bedchamber. The castle was so vast with towering, tall ceilings and large corridors, she felt rather like an ant scurrying around it, looking for some refuge.
When certain she was lost and that she had simply padded around in a circle in the middle of a hallway, she caught sight of yellow light at the end of the corridor. Hurrying toward it, she peered inside to find a room flooded with light.
This is what I have been searching for the entire time.
She stepped inside, gawking at the sheer number of candles that had been lit in this room. There were brass and silver candleholders practically on every surface and table, a mismatch of designs and candle heights, but each one bright and alight. The yellow light they emitted was warm and buttery, enshrouding her in a warm feeling.
Evelyn walked deeper into the room, recognizing it was a library. The shelves of books hid the cold stone walls a little, and the fire was larger than some of the others in the house, practically taking up one wall entirely. She reached for an armchair close to that fire and sat down, finally feeling comfortable enough to release the candle she held so tightly onto and place it down beside her on a table.
