Again, Nolan wasn’t new to this—he knew the object of this segment was to explain to non-designers how they could best use his products to decorate a room. On autopilot, he explained about textures and colors. When he finished, Stacey turned to her audience and said, “Do you think this is something you guys can do at home?” When there was a general murmur of assent, she added, “Fantastic. All of you have a gift card to spend at Nolan’s online store so you can put some of these beautiful things in your own home!” She paused for applause and then said, “Let’s chat, Nolan.” She grabbed his hand and led him over to the other side of the set.
Two sofas sat at a forty-five-degree angle. He sat on one end of a sofa, while Stacey sat at the closest end of the other—basically they faced each other.
He took a deep breath, knowing even before Stacey opened her mouth that she’d want to talk about Ricky, something Nolan most assuredly did not want to do. But Stacey would feel the need to explain to her audience why Nolan Hamlin, who used to appear on her show once a month, had pretty much disappeared from public life for a whole year.
“We’re so glad to have you back, my friend,” she said. “For those of you who don’t know, Nolan took some time off because he lost his husband a year ago. How are you doing now?” She turned and looked at him expectantly.
He couldn’t speak for a moment. It had been a year, and he’d prepared himself for this question, but still, it felt like someone had reached into his chest and punched his heart. “I’m… okay.” That felt sort of true. He was trying very hard not to let his emotions show, but still, his voice cracked when he added, “It’s been tough.”
Stacey reached over and squeezed his knee. “I know, honey. But I’m so glad you’ve decided to get back to what you really love to do. I know that’s what Ricky would have wanted.”
Nolan turned to face the audience, because he realized that a slideshow of photos of himself and Ricky was happening on the screen between the two sofas. He couldn’t look or he’d lose it.
Ricardo Vega had been a breakout “teen” actor, starring in a popular soap when he’d been in his midtwenties. He’d spent his thirties struggling for legitimacy, mostly getting cast as the hunky love interest in Hallmark Christmas movies and bit parts on TV… and then he’d gotten that diagnosis. Pancreatic cancer. He’d died three months later.
Nolan still missed him in a way that was physically painful at times, but right now, while on television, he had to keep it together.
Stacey picked up a stack of cards from the side table. She glanced at the one on top and said, “Why don’t we talk about your new show?”
Nolan let out the breath he’d been holding. “Well, we haven’t started filming yet, but I can tell you a little about it. It’s calledResidential Rehab. I’ve been developing it with the Restoration Channel. Basically, we’re helping fix up family homes that seem unfixable. So, like, we’ll work with families who inherited houses that were in rough shape. Or maybe they’ve lived in the same house for decades and never made any upgrades, or they bought a fixer-upper and got in over their heads. So I, and a cohost who is still TBD, will be helping these families complete their renovations and decorate in a modern way that makes the best use of the space.”
“It sounds amazing. Any ideas about your cohost yet?”
“Restoration Channel and I are looking for an up-and-coming designer to help me out.” And this was something Nolan was resigned to but still chafed against. He could do the show by himself, but Garrett Harwood, the Restoration Channel’s head of programming, wanted to give Nolan someone to bounce ideas off of. He’d been out of the game for a while, it was true. Even before Ricky got sick, Nolan had been focused on TV appearances and his home goods line; he hadn’t actually designed a room, let alone a whole house, in a few years. Harwood’s argument was that bringing in a young designer, someone who was hungry and creative, would help Nolan keep his ideas fresh.
“I honestly can’t wait,” said Stacey. “I love your designs so much. I mean, that’s incredible. Any idea when the show will air?”
“If all goes to plan, we’ll find our young designer in the next couple of weeks, then we’ll start filming by late spring and the show will premiere in the fall.”
“Sounds amazing. You’re all going to watch, right?”
The audience cheered.
So Nolan smiled and tried to think about the show and not Ricky.
“Before we let you go,” said Stacey, “I do have a surprise for you.”
On cue, one of the stagehands emerged from the back holding a cake with four lit candles.
“A little birdie told me it’s your fortieth birthday,” said Stacey. “Audience, please help me wish Nolan the happiest of birthdays!”
Nolan hardly knew what to do with himself as the audience sang “Happy Birthday.” He laughed, blew out the candles, and thanked Stacey. His birthday had actually been the day before, but he appreciated the thought. He gazed at the cake, unable to keep from remembering that Ricky hadn’t lived to see his fortieth birthday.
Nolan’s anxiety about this milestone had been intense. Forty didn’t look the way he’d expected. Oh,helooked all right; he had a good skin-care regimen and people kept telling him the gray hair starting to pop up at his temples was sexy and distinguished. But he’d had this whole life plan. He and Ricky were supposed to still be living in their beautiful house in the Hollywood Hills, perhaps now welcoming their first child. This terrible emptiness in Nolan’s chest was not what he was supposed to be feeling while looking at a birthday cake.
He was saved from becoming maudlin when the show wrapped up for the day. Once they’d signed off, a stagehand appeared with a knife and cut the cake into thin slices.
“I know how difficult this must have been,” said Stacey. “But I’m glad you’re back in the world again. I worried about you.”
“I know. It’s been a year, that’s for sure. But I’m all moved into the new place here in New York now. So let’s not be strangers, okay?”
She grinned. “Welcome back to the real world, then. I was so glad to leave LA behind me.”
“Yeah. Me too.” Probably for different reasons.
Stacey gave Nolan a hug. “Happy birthday, my friend. I hope this year treats you well.”
Chapter Two
