“That I loved you? That I wouldn’t cheat on you? That you could trust me?”
Lindsay shot him a dubious look. “It’s not that easy. I let her get in my head. I started to doubt my own abilities, both to keep you and to do good things in the kitchen. And I get that it’s my issue, but… You see where I was coming from?”
Brad sighed. “I wish we’d had the opportunity to talk about all this at the time.”
“Well, maybe that was the problem. We only ever talked in the abstract.” Lindsay looked at the blank wall opposite the couch.
“Iamsorry. I don’t know how I could have prevented Phoebe from kissing me or you from walking in on me, but you’re right. We should have talked about this stuff before it became a crisis.”
It seemed to Brad, though, that Phoebe was more an excuse than a cause. It was good to have a rational discussion about this stuff. Or at least one using inside voices. And, yes, they should have had a real talk about the future back in culinary school, and Brad should have been more mindful of the minefield created by Lindsay’s issues with her father and how that made her unable to forgive cheating. But he never would have deliberately hurt her, and he wished she would see that.
It felt like they’d come to some sort of conclusion.
“So what happened after culinary school? Why didn’t you get a restaurant job?” It probably wasn’t the right question to ask, but he was curious about it.
She rubbed her forehead, looking a little irritated. “I worked as a line cook for about a year after school and hated every minute of it. I love to cook, but I hated working in that restaurant. Then this opportunity to review came up, so I jumped at it. It didn’t have anything to do with Phoebe, if that’s what you’re asking.”
Brad stayed quiet for a moment, thinking. Of course he’d kept tabs on Lindsay. He understood hating that first job; his hadn’t been a bed of roses, either. But he guessed he had worried their breakup had somehow made food something she hated, too. He wouldn’t have blamed her if it had. He was glad to hear she still loved to cook.
But, lord, Phoebe. He hadn’t really thought of Phoebe in a long time, outside of her being the reason Lindsay dumped him. He hadn’t known Phoebe and Lindsay hated each other.
“I really had no idea you felt that way about Phoebe.”
“Because you weren’t paying attention.”
“No, I wasn’t.” He took a breath. That was true; he had been oblivious. “I was an idiot. But I’m paying attention now. And I want to keep talking. I want you to keep talking to me.”
“Why should I?”
Something in her tone rubbed him the wrong way. She sounded snotty and angry. Hadn’t he groveled enough? Did she not understand? “Because now you’re not listening tome! You didn’t then, either. You never gave me a chance. Itriedto explain what happened, but instead of listening, you dumped me. Youalwaysbelieved the worst about me and used Phoebe as an excuse to leave me. You still don’t seem to believe me now. You were the one who had one foot out the door the whole time, didn’t you?”
“No more than you did!”
“I was in love with you, too. Maybe I didn’t have our whole future planned out or anything, but I sure as hell didn’t want to break up. Hell, if you said the word, I’d want you right here, right now. We were great together, Lindsay. I’ve missed you every damn day since you left.”
***
The words rang in Lindsay’s mind for a long time. Brad hadn’t wanted to break up. He still wanted her.
Lindsay hadn’t trusted him. For years, she’d assumed this was because her instincts were right—he’d kissed Phoebe, after all—but either way, deep down, she hadn’t trusted him. But he hadn’t trusted her enough to commit to the future. And that was no way to carry on a relationship.
“We didn’t trust each other,” she said.
“I guess not. I mean, yeah. That seems to be at the heart of it. Although it wasn’t so much that I didn’t trust you as much as I subconsciously thought you’d find some reason to leave me. And you did.”
Lindsay nodded. She knew why she hadn’t trusted Brad. Growing up with a single mom who put almost all of her energy into hating Lindsay’s philandering dad would make anyone skeptical of relationships. The fact that Brad was always such a flirt didn’t help much. Why did he have to be so goddamned charming? No wonder everyone was always falling in love with him.
This conversation left her feeling spent, like she’d just ugly cried at the end of a sad movie. She looked at Brad now, sitting and looking back at her like he expected her to say or do something. But what was there to say? Lindsay had trust issues; Brad had kissed another woman. He claimed he hadn’t meant for it to happen, and she wanted to believe him. She still didn’t trust him, not completely. So where did that leave them?
As if she’d asked the question aloud, Brad said, “I know your parents did a number on you. And not to be that not-all-men guy, but, well, not all men cheat. Not all men will let you down. I mean, look at your friends! Paige and Lauren are both with great guys, as far as I can tell. Were they wrong to trust their significant others?”
“No,” Lindsay said quietly, knowing he was right. Lauren and Paige had actually given Lindsay some hope that romance was real. She just hadn’t anticipated it happening with Brad. She’d thought that ship had sailed. But he’d just told her the ship was still waiting for her on the dock.
Brad moved over and sat on the sofa. “I wanted to talk because I thought maybe we could clear the air. I work for your friend now, and you must know how things are at the café with everyone being treated like family. So I figured you and I should find a way to put up with each other, because odds are good we’re going to be in the same place every now and then. I don’t know if we can be friends, but we can at least try not to murder each other in the cat room.”
“That’s not a terrible thought.”
“Thanks.” Brad grinned. “I have good ideas occasionally.”
