Reed grinned.He gave Park a pat on the shoulder. “Glad you’re okay.”
“I’ll be in the office tomorrow morning,” Jackson said.
“I’ll see you then, but I’ll be late.” Reed shook his head. “Sorry. Stupid bullshit with Julie. We have an appointment in the morning. She thinks we need couples counseling.”
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah, peachy.” Reed scowled. Jackson must have made a face indicating hedidn’t believe Reed, because Reed added, “It’s... I don’t know. Something I’m trying not to think about too hard. I’ll be in the office by lunch.”
“Okay.”
Reed reached over and gave Jackson a manly hug with a lot of back patting, a rare display of emotion from a guy who was essentially Jackson’s best friend, but one who was usually not very demonstrative when it came to feelings. Jacksonreturned the hug and said goodbye again. Then he turned to Park. “Are you as ready for this day to be over as I am?”
“More,” said Park.
* * *
As soon as Park had washed up and changed into sleep pants and a T-shirt, the waterworks started.
As Park sat on the bed, Jackson stood at the closet, hanging his suit for the next day. Reed had packed him a pair of sweats, so he wore thoseas he shook out the wrinkles in the shirt he was hanging. Park thought it was nice to see Jackson dressed down for a change, since he hadn’t really been since they’d met again over a week ago, and something about how soft those old sweats looked was like a punch to Park’s gut.
Jackson had fussed over him before pushing him into this position, elevating his wrist on a stack of pillows and coveringit with one of the ice packs the paramedic had left with Park. It didn’t really hurt, though Park’s skin itched now. He sat on his other hand to keep from scratching, which annoyed him. But he sat on the bed, watching Jackson put his clothes away, and he couldn’t stop thinking about how warm those old, soft clothes would be against Jackson’s skin, and how much he wanted to hold Jackson, howmuch he wanted to forget this whole goddamn nightmare of a day. He could picture this very scene in an apartment they shared, Jackson hanging up his clothes after ironing them or something similarly domestic, and it broke Park’s heart to think he’d given this up. He thought about running his hands over Jackson’s skin, of lying with Jackson in their own bed in their own apartment, of his past mistakesand the future he’d almost lost. And then he started crying and couldn’t seem to stop.
Park must have sniffled or something, because Jackson turned around and looked at him. “Oh, god, Park, are you okay?”
Park let out a breath. “I think I’m in shock or something. Why can’t I stop crying?”
Jackson abandoned what he’d been doing and sat next to Park on the bed. He pulled Park into hisarms and hugged him tightly, rubbing his back. Park put his good arm around Jackson; he’d been totally right about how great it felt to rub his hand over Jackson’s old T-shirt.
“Go finish,” Park said, pushing Jackson away gently. He grabbed a tissue from the nightstand and wiped his eyes.
Jackson got back up and finished hanging his suit. Then he turned around, his expression reluctant.“We really should talk.”
“Yeah.”
“It can wait if you’re not feeling up to it.”
Park sniffed. “No, I’m okay. Ignore this.” He gestured toward his face.
Jackson sat on the foot of the bed.
Park took a deep breath. “At some point tonight I realized that, if I had to make the decision all over again, choosing between you and my career, I’d pick you a thousand times over. It’s moreimportant to me to have you in my life than it is to win the election. So there’s that.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yes.”
Jackson blinked a few times. “Well, I mean, I don’t know how we make this work, but I... When you were trapped in that bathroom with Tucker, I realized that you leaving me again would basically kill me. It was hard enough getting over you the first time, but at least Iknew you were still out there somewhere. If something had happened to take you from me for good? I can’t even imagine. So I’m here for you if you’ll have me. I don’t want us to be apart again, and I don’t think you do, either.”
“No, I don’t.” Park took a deep breath. “I’m glad to hear you say that, because there was a moment when I really thought I wouldn’t get out of that bathroom. Tuckerpulled a gun, and...all I could think of was you. And how devastated I’d be if I couldn’t see you again.”
Jackson’s face softened and he reached over and put his hand on Park’s foot. That hand was heavy and warm, comforting. Park opened his mouth to say something, but Jackson stopped him.
“I don’t want to let the intensity of tonight cloud my judgment, because I want to be with you, butthere are still things I won’t compromise on, and I’m still not entirely sure about being a political spouse. Or, not spouse, I’m not trying to be presumptuous, but being involved in your life... I’m not sure if it’s...” Jackson shook his head.
“I don’t want you to compromise, either.” Park knew Jackson wouldn’t want to—and didn’t deserve to—go into any closets. And Park wouldn’t make him.
“I won’t pretend to be a Republican, either.”
