“Right. Sounds fun. Are you going to it?”
“Nope. My camping days are over, and believe me, I’ve seen these particular bands and singers about a million times each. They’ll have fun, but I’d just wake up with creaking joints and a sore back.”
“I could drive us, if you want to go?”
He stands in front of me, all tanned skin and stylish hair and gorgeous smells, and I realise that it’s this kind of thing I will miss when he leaves. The easy way we have paired off, spent time together, enjoyed each other’s company. Even if you take away the ‘fancying him rotten’ aspect, there is a lot left to like.
“I don’t think I do,” I say eventually, after giving it some thought. “It’s actually walking distance anyway, though admittedly quite dangerous walking distance up a big hill if you were drunk… but no. I think I’ll leave them to it. All I can offer you is a very dull night in front of the telly, possibly with some pizza and popcorn.”
“Is there a dress code?”
“Strictly scruffy casual. Anyone too smartly dressed will be turned away at the door.”
He nods and says: “Great. I’ll see you about eight? After Bear has had his nap…”
Cally returned for the tail-end of this conversation, waving goodbye as he disappears towards the back of the building and the stairs that lead up to the hotel rooms. She raises one eyebrow at me as she sips her Prosecco. I can never do that – it’s both or nothing – and I’m jealous of her skills.
“You like him,” she says after a few silent moments.
“Yes, he’s nice – don’t you like him?”
“No, I mean youlikelike him.”
“What are we, twelve?”
“No, about fifteen I’d say – at least from the way you’re reacting. Look, why don’t you do something about it?”
“Like what – get one of my mates to tell him I fancy him?”
“Maybe!” she replies, laughing. “I’d do it for you! Or you could scratch ‘CL Loves ZH’ on one of the benches at the edge of the green. Or send him a note asking him if he wants to walk you home from the school disco…”
I throw a beer mat at her head to shut her up, and she spills her booze as she dodges it. Serves her right, I think.
“I’m too old for any of that nonsense,” I say firmly. “I know I’ve been on a couple of failed dates, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready for anything more than a coffee.”
“I’m calling bullshit on that one, Connie. The way you look at him? The way you are together? It’s obvious there’s something there.”
“It’s called friendship.”
“No, it’s more than that – why are you even bothering to deny it? That’s a genuine question – it’s not like it would do any harm if you two had a fling.”
I take a deep breath and lean back against the wall. I know she’s not even asking to wind me up – she’s really curious. I bite my lip, and try to rally some words that make sense when they’re strung together. I also glance further down to my side, checking that none of the younger crowd are listening in. Of course they aren’t – we’re not that interesting.
“It’s hard to explain,” I say eventually. “I’m not quite sure how to express it.”
“You fancy him, but you’re worried in case he doesn’t fancy you and then you make a tit of yourself?”
“Okay, so maybe that bit isn’t so hard to explain – yes, there is an element of that. But even more scary would be if he actually did fancy me. What would happen then?”
I see Cally bite back laughter before she replies: “Oh, I don’t know – really hot sex? Would that be so awful? You’re never too old for really hot sex!”
“I totally agree… but I’m not sure how good I’d be at that.”
“At sex? I mean, I know it’s been a while for you, Connie, but it’s not like you’ll have forgotten what to do…”
“I don’t mean that – of course I remember what to do, and of course it would be excellent! No, what I mean is, I’m not surehow good I’d be at really hot sex that was casual. The last person I felt this kind of attraction to was Simon, and I married him.”
Cally, of course, knows my history, linked intimately as it is with Archie’s. She considers what I’ve said, and all mockery drains from her face.
