That, it seems, is where we come in, and he is determined to come and visit. Why he can’t just dial up another stunning temporary girlfriend I don’t know – it’s not like he seems short of options on that front.
I have absolutely no right to be bothered by this. I have absolutely no reason to be bothered by this. I have absolutely no clue why I am in fact so bothered – but I definitely am, and as Archie is here with me, a human boulder by my side, maybe I should at least try and talk it through.
“I’m a bit weirded out by it all,” I say simply.
“By what?” Archie asks. “By Marcy’s dad? Sophie told Rose you used to know him, back in the day.”
“Yes. Back in the day. I think that’s the issue – I don’t really have many fond memories of back in the day, or my life when Zack and people like him were involved in it.”
I see Archie turning this over, obviously exploring a few options before he speaks.
“Right. Was he a dick to you? Do you want me to rough him up?”
“No!” I say, laughing. “Nothing like that at all – in fact if anyone was a dick it was me! You know I was on the verge of signing all these various deals, I’m sure I’ve told you – recipe book based on dishes from the restaurant, a signing tour, a TV show?”
“Yeah. I find it hard to imagine all of that, but then again, you probably find it hard to imagine me as a lawyer in London. We both kind of shed our skin when we moved here, didn’t we? Found things that made us happier.”
“Exactly. Well, Zack was the guy producing the TV show. I left him in the lurch so I do feel a bit embarrassed about that, but it was years ago and water under the bridge – he’s not holding grudges. It’s just… I suppose when I shed my skin, I basically burned the old one. Not just burned it – I burned it, locked the ashes in four different boxes, and buried them. It was different for you – you didn’t mind being a lawyer, and you had a life in London you were okay with. It was just that meeting Sandy brought you here and showed you something even better.”
“So how is it different for you?”
“It’s different because I hated everything about myself back then. I hated the way I behaved, the way I looked, the way I treated people – including me. I don’t even like thinking about it, it gives me chills. And then Zack bumbles back into my world,and it’s like everything feels a bit raw – like my old skin is still out there, looking for me.”
“I think you’re going a bit far with the skin thing – it’s starting to sound like a horror film.”
“That’s kind of how it feels.”
Archie shakes his head and says: “I think you might be over-reacting – and yes, I know, a man saying that to a woman usually earns himself a slap on the chops – but in this case I think it’s true. Look, you might like to think that there was this one big turning point, and that the Connie you are now bears no resemblance to the Connie you were then – but you’re wrong. Life can’t be neatly sectioned off like that, into the before and the after. You wouldn’t be who you are now without who you were then.”
“Archie, you’re at risk of sounding like some kind of zen master!”
He grins. “I am. I am the guru of the woods. So, let’s figure this out – tell me one of the things you didn’t like about yourself back then.”
“Well, for a start, I was a chef but I never ate. I was so skinny.”
He gently pokes my admittedly ‘womanly’ thighs, and replies: “I’d say you’ve sorted that out.”
“Gurus aren’t supposed to body shame.”
“I’m not body shaming – you’re gorgeous and you know it.”
I shrug, as if to say well, yes, I’m not too bad.
“What else?” he pushes.
“Okay. I was mean – I was a mean boss, and a bitchy person.”
“You are neither of those things now. You are the kindest woman I know, with the biggest heart.”
He gives me a little smile, and I take the compliment.
“I was selfish,” I go on. “Everything was about me. I never gave a damn about anyone else. I worked hard, and thought the whole world was mine.”
“Well, these days you’re the opposite. You organise all those little things that make people’s lives better – the food deliveries, the minibus, all the events that bring us together. You donate a portion of your earnings to the village funds. You are a mother, a daughter, a friend – your door is quite literally always open. You can’t do enough for other people. In fact, you’re practically a saint!”
“True. Or at the very least a minor angel. But… look, you see what I mean? Things are different here. I’m different here – and I like that.”
“I do see, but I also think you’re being deliberately dense. The life you led before, and the way it made you feel – that’s all fed into the life you lead now. Your experiences then built the foundation of what you are now – even just as an example of what youdidn’twant your life to look like. You have a way of seeing beneath the surface of people, Connie, and figuring out what they need before they do – except when it comes to yourself. Then you’re just really, really thick.”
