I could remember the glory of it… and then Corrin’s shock that one night at that damn ball when he found out about Sunna traditions. The Munni allowed their youths to undergo their heat. It was something that many Sunna saw as dangerous, but now that I’d experienced something like it, I began to see why Corrin had been so horrified.
It had felt so good—every sensation of the body more vivid than ever before. And Alan had shared it too. The brush of his soft skin beneath my hands roaming over his body. My lips pressed against his, my tongue forcing its way in.
Oh, Gods. I didn’t force him, did I?I hazily mulled over the golden-tinged memories from the night before.I hadn’t, I decided after some thought.Alan had taken me here. He’d said something about something being wrong, but he had remained at my side. He had…My cheeks flushed at the memory of his lightly muscled pale thigh thrown over my shoulder. How I had held him open as I pinned him to the mattress and fucked him senseless.
He had tried to stay quiet. It was all rather strange. Somehow, though, I wasn’t surprised that Alan would try to maintain control. It made the few sounds he’d voiced that much sweeter. Wrenched from him, moment by moment, as I had driven him to bliss.
But then he’d left. I didn’t know when, but at some point, he must have dressed and packed and left. I’d done this exact routine before, but this was the first time it had happened to me. It didn’t make me feel great.
Why didn’t it?I wondered at that. After all, it was common practice. It was preferred even. Talking afterward often turned something beautiful into something crass or mundane.And yet, fucking Alan was different. He was… It wasn’t just having fun. There was an element of something else. Was it because he was trying to help me? Was it because he had remained with me out of worry?I didn’t know. I couldn’t put my finger on it.
It bothered me, nevertheless. I rushed to get changed and made my way down to the long breakfast room where I found Alan working through a plate of potato hash, sausage, beans, and eggs. I quickly shoveled down my own plate of food, but Alan was finished all too soon.
“We need to talk,” I said to him in a low tone.
Alan hesitated and then slowly nodded. “Very well. I ordered a carriage to the castle. Perhaps we can go together.”
He didn’t sound enthused at all about the prospect, but I kept smiling. Alan eased back, ordered a second cup of black tea with copious amounts of sugar and milk, and waited for me to finish eating. Once I was done, we walked down together, where the rest of our belongings awaited. The ride to the castle felt all too brief. The first few minutes were spent in awkward silence.
“Well—“
“Look—“
Our voices clashed, and we fell silent again.
“About last night,” I said quickly.
“Don’t worry about it,” Alan reassured me. “I mean.” He stopped. “You should be worried about what happened. That was… an unnatural rut, Hugh.”
“Rut?” I raised an eyebrow. “As in… my heat?”
“Yes, you experienced…” Here, his voice dropped a little as if sharing a terrible secret. “… your heat. Someone must have dosed you with something.”
“I realized that earlier,” I admitted. “And to be honest, once things got… properly started, it didn’t feel so bad.”
“And if I hadn’t been there?” asked Alan.
“Well, I would have found someone else.” I glanced over at him. “But I am glad it was you. You made me feel… safe, Alan. For that, I am thankful.”
Alan fixed his gaze firmly out of the carriage window.
“I-I was just glad I was there, Hugh,” he reassured me. “You needn’t… feel like you owe me.”
That was also unexpected. In a sense, that was considered the usual way of viewing these things, but yet again, I felt as though things were different with Alan.
“Well, I must thank you at the very least for your kind help, Alan. And if you were ever to need any similar help with any needs of your own…” I trailed off suggestively.
Alan turned then and stared at me with a deadpan expression. He raised a single eyebrow.
“I am not about to let myself get dosed with a strange elixir, Hugh.”
“Yes. I can’t imagine you getting poisoned or anything.” I ran a hand through my rumpled hair distractedly. “I just wanted to make certain you were alright, and that you understood—“
“I understood easily enough,” Alan said stiffly. “I may have spent a majority of my life in the Tower, but I have an idea of general expectations.”
“Yes…”
I was a little crestfallen. It didn’t look as though Alan took my subtle hint. Not that I ought to be hinting at something more… permanent. We were to work together on the investigation, nothing more. Remembering Gareth’s instructions, I cheered up a little. Perhaps in the course of our duty, Alan might with to go for round two—or round three—or more.
