But I’ll trust you. Your plan is better.
“Tell me about falling in love with Dad? You never told me about the breakup stuff.”
“Is all of this about Levi perhaps?” she asks.
“You first, then I’ll spill.”
“Deal. Let’s take a walk.”
Dad ambles in when we’re on our feet. “Hey, sweetie. It’s so good to have you home this week.” He scratches my back in his way and kisses me on the head.
I squeeze his side and step back to analyze him. His brown hair has more gray in it since summer. The laugh lines around his mouth tell of his years smiling at Mom. I can almost imagine him when he was my age.
He wraps an arm around Mom’s waist.
“Archie.” Mom smiles flirtatiously at him. “Kit and I are going on a walk so I can tell her about falling in love with you.”
His eyes sparkle. He grabs Mom’s hand to twirl her in a circle and dip her. She laughs and snuggles into his chest for a hug. He squeezes her tight and kisses her head.
These two … This is nothing new, but the bone-deep ache when I see it is. I wish I knew how to?—
Nope. I shove the mental box back onto the porch. This isn’t for me to mastermind.
For those who love me, all things work together for good.
“God knew,” Dad says to Mom. “He used it all. His gifts are better than anything we could dream up.” He winks at me and leaves us to our walk.
I suck in a breath and let it out. Downstairs, I slide into my warmest coat, hat, and boots and open the front door.
Your gifts are better than anything I could dream up. I can trust you with this.
CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX
“I’ll start from the beginning,”Mom says. Her shoulders square with her determination to help me.
I’ve been pushing her away when I need her most. And what has my secrecy bought me? Nothing but isolation. I can’t do without two-way openness with my people. I crash into Mom with a bear hug, parka squished against parka.
“Oh, my sweet girl.” Tears are in her voice. “I love you so much.”
“I love you, Mom. Okay, go.”
“Your dad … I fell for him so fast. He was charming and affectionate and thought the world of me. He liked my strong opinions and all my words—things others had no patience for. He was a go-getter and climbed the ranks of the Blockbuster we met at in no time flat. Such a hunk.”
“Got it, Mom.”
“Right. I was crushing so hard. So when he finally asked me out, I was all over him.” She winces in apology.
Parent romance is so cringey. And that ache is back.
“I knew I wasn’t going to go all the way, but—Here’s the thing. Kissing is like a snowball rolling down a mountain. It can’t help but grow. More and more snow accumulates, and it explodes at the bottom. That’s how it’s set up, and that’s how it goes. I was under the impression that I could just stop somewhere on the mountain, where I felt was a good idea, and move on with my day, but that wasn’t what I experienced.”
That checks out, but … where is this going?
“It was a beautiful time of falling in love and feeling so deeply, but also, I was a wreck. I felt so guilty. I knew I was doing things I shouldn’t, things God didn’t intend for me until after I was married. Hence my reaction to that song. That was us, except I don’t remember it fondly. I still fight shame over those memories.” She rolls her shoulders.
I forget that she has a tough inner critic behind the feisty exterior.
“The Bible doesn’t cover those in between things. Now, I believe that’s because none of it is kosher—ha, so to speak—but at the time I scoured every verse I could find and just felt confused and overwhelmed and helpless to stop. Our relationship kept growing—faster than it probably should have because of the physical bonding—but also emotionally and spiritually in really special ways. Even though we were so young, I knew so soon that he was the love of my life, the one I wanted to marry, you know, when we were older. But our constant fighting about the Snowball Effect was enough to implode our relationship. I broke up with him after senior year because I couldn’t take it anymore. We could never find a way to fix it, and I couldn’t live that way until we were old enough to get married.”
