Pippa wears Aaron down until he agrees to point out constellations to us, and we crowd on the platform, huddling together while Aaron points out Orion and Aquarius. He thinks he can see Venus winking in the distance, but I’m not so sure. Everyone laughs at Aaron’s attempt to retell a Greek myth associated with one of the constellations, which he punctuates freely with colourful slang. Eventually, the group dwindles. There’s a chorus of ‘thank yous’ to Aaron and the rest of the crew. Miguel claps people on the back as he takes his leave. Our group of nine is starting to feel closer now, more intimate than I was expecting. Pippa and Andrew head to bed. Natalie resigns herself to another face mask after she lays it on thick for Hugh to come with them on their Tablelands tour. She keeps referencing the thing they ‘need to talk about’ and every time she does, I feel my pulse start to race. I’m relieved when she and Derek go to bed.
‘You were quiet at dinner,’ Hugh says once we’re alone.
‘Yeah,’ I say, relaxing into the sturdy planking of the boat. I watch the empty hammock sway above me. I focus on my breathing, in and out, and on the stars and the sound of the ocean waves hitting the hull. I try everything to distract myself from the thoughts swirling in my head. ‘I’ve got a lot on my mind.’
‘If it’s about earlier . . .’
‘It’s not,’ I lie. ‘That was . . .’ I’m at a loss for words.That waselectrifying, terrifying, hopelessly sexy, something I want to happen again, somethingI can’t let happen again . . .‘Um,’ I hesitate. If there is ever a moment to tell Hugh the truth, it’s now. I try to formulate how to explain it.I’ve been pretending to be my sistersounds a little psychotic.
‘If it isn’t about before, is it about your sister?’
I am wondering how he read my mind when it clicks.Millie’s surgery. The surgery I’ve conveniently forgotten about all day because I’ve been distracted and having fun and only thinking about myself.
Hugh takes my guilty silence as an affirmative and scoots closer to me, wrapping a large arm around my shoulders. ‘Hey,’ he says, his voice low. There is so much to that word,hey. I feel cared for, and seen, and valued all at once. There is no ask for anything physical, there is onlyHey, I see that you are sad. I am here.
I sink into his chest, grateful to have him next to me, unable to think straight.
‘Do you want to talk about it?’
‘No,’ I murmur. I know there’s nothing I can do from out here and I know this is where Millie wants me to be, but it feels wrong to be enjoying myself so fully while she undergoes a terrifying procedure, and I hate not knowing how it turned out. It feels like I made a bargain with the universe where I got to go dothisand I have to find the butterfly wrasse in order to earn it.
We sit in companionable silence. The heavy heat of Hugh’s arm hovers on the fringe of my thoughts. He runs his fingertips gently up and down my skin. It feels like this is the emotional version of what happened earlier, and now that we’ve crossed two bridges, there’s no going back. We’re into each other. Or at least, one of us is into the other and the other thinks they’re into someone called Millie.
I like Hugh. I really like Hugh. He seems like a good person despite his know-it-all tendencies. I can’t keep lying to him.
Just as I’m about to open my mouth, Hugh speaks first. ‘Tell me what your sister is like.’
‘Umm,’ I hesitate. It makes the most sense to give Millie my actual job, so I go for it. ‘She works in business. Operations for a cereal company. Pretty run-of-the-mill.’
‘Hmm,’ Hugh grunts. ‘And you guys are close?’
‘Depends on what you mean by close,’ I say, biding time as I figure out if I should continue describing myself or if I should switch to actually explain Millie and maybe cut down on the lies a little.
‘I like knowing things about you,’ Hugh says softly. In that moment I decide to describe myself, who I really think I am. It’s vulnerable serving yourself up on a platter to someone and knowing they will judge you with total honesty. I’m glad he’s not facing me as I try to describe myself through my sister’s eyes.
‘Andi’s great,’ I say, testing the waters, wondering if he knows me well enough to hear the lie in my voice. If he does, he doesn’t say anything. ‘You always know what you’re getting with her. She’s nice and reliable. She never lets people down.’
‘She sounds like I would like her.’
‘I think you would,’ I answer honestly, ‘I hope.’ There’s a hint of regret in my voice. I clear my throat in an effort to hide it.
‘Does she look like you?’
‘Yes.’ I describe Millie this time. ‘Skinnier thighs and shinier hair, but she looks like me.’
‘I like your hair. And I like your th—’ Hugh stops himself.
‘What?’ I ask, wanting so badly to hear him say that he likes my thighs. My voice is a whisper loaded with desire.
It’s Hugh’s turn to cough, and he does, changing the subject after. ‘I know you’re not quite on the market. I know what happened earlier caught us both off guard.’ He elbows me when he says it, but his voice is husky.
‘Mhm.’
‘But if you were . . .’ I know that he’s turned to face me. A lump rises in my throat. I know that if I turn my head to his, we’ll be close, nose to nose, exactly like my dream. I know I won’t be able to resist kissing him. I know that I should. I know that Millie’s most hated work associate is off-limits. But as I’m thinking all these things, I’m also feeling a magnetic pull to turn towards Hugh, to press my lips to his, to taste his skin, to smell his hair, to run my hands all over his chest.
The magnetic pull wins. I flip onto my side. Our noses almost touch.
‘Millie,’ he whispers, gravelly and low. I ignore my sister’s name this time. When I look into his eyes, I know he’s seeingme.
