‘Andi,’ he breathes again. ‘You’re so sexy.’ And that’s when I realise what’s off. Hugh doesn’t know I’m Andi. Hughcan’tknow that I’m Andi. I scramble away from him in a panic, forgetting where I am and smack my head directly into the low ceiling of our cabin, which jolts me right out of my dream.
‘Ow!’ I cry loudly. My vision swims. I shake my head to clear it and gingerly bring my fingertips up to my forehead. Then I hear a grunt from below me and remember that I am sharing a room with Hugh.What if I made noises while I was dreaming? Can he tell I just had a sex dream about him? Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, I think, listening carefully for any movements on the bunk below me. Thankfully, I only hear the sound of Hugh’s breathing, a peaceful and steady inhale and exhale. I take a deep breath in, trying to slow my racing heart, and register that the room smells not unpleasantly like Hugh.
I gotta get him out of my head, I think, as I quietly clamber down my bunk. But watching him sleep isn’t exactly helpful in that department. His eyelashes flutter against his cheek, his bottom lip is full and pouty, and his hair is delightfully mussed.Snap out of it!I remind myself. I had done well last night, sneaking in after he was already in bed and thankfully avoiding any potentially awkward encounters.I will not argue with him today, I promise myself.Today, I will focus.
Rubbing my forehead, I grab my sweatshirt and my phone from the opposite mattress, where I’m storing all my stuff, and clamber upstairs. My eyes are puffy from crying last night and I’m glad I have some privacy in the cool morning air to try and regain some normalcy. I’m the first one out on the deck, and it feels so good to be out of the confines of our tiny room, and instead in the middle of a great expansive ocean.
The boat feels clean and fresh in the morning, and the smooth white laminate feels cold on my feet. It’s only just dawn, and there’s a grey light all around. I take a deep breath of the salty air. Only because no one else is awake, I take the hammock, gingerly climbing into it. It rocks slowly with the boat’s movement. The sun starts to rise over the water, filling the sky with deep orange, then bright, almost neon pinks. Against the bright blue of the water, the sunrise is breathtaking. I stare at it for so long that when I look away, I have a bright spot in my vision. I take a picture on my phone, including the edge of the hammock so I can remember that there is a paradise somewhere, even if it’s half the world away.
Then I remember that Millie’s had her surgery.
I feel a little sick to my stomach at the thought. The desperation of wanting to know if she’s OK gets to me, and I start to cry again. A tear escapes down my cheek as I watch the sunrise. I hadn’t factored in what waiting for Millie’s results would do to my mental health on the trip.
‘Please God, let Sal have gone gracefully,’ I whisper, the ocean breeze carrying away my words.
‘Sal?’ Hugh asks, clearing his throat. I hadn’t heard him climb up onto the deck, and now he’s standing at the edge of the platform beneath the hammock.
‘Ohmigod,’ I say quickly, the scenes from my dream come back to me and flood me with embarrassment. I sit straight up, causing the hammock to swing violently from side to side. ‘Ah!’ I scream, attempting to regain control of it before it dumps me over onto the platform.
Hugh smiles a sleepy, crooked smile and reaches out a large hand to steady the hammock. ‘I got you,’ he says.
I can barely stand to look at him so closely, his lips, his eyes, even the curve of his shoulders are doing something to me that I don’t want to admit. I want to stay mad at him for being rude and self-important yesterday. It felt like as soon as I made the mistake of thinking he was a nice guy, he wasted no time in proving me wrong. I pointedly look at the sunrise.
‘How’s your head? From the sonic boom that came from your bunk it must be hurting.’
‘It’s fine.’ I brush my fingers over my forehead, gingerly feeling the bump. ‘Oh shoot, I woke you up, didn’t I?’ I decide I don’t care after the words leave my lips, but it’s too late.
‘I was already awake,’ he says, but his eyes crinkle in a way I haven’t seen before. I wonder if that’s his tell that he’s lying. ‘Who’s Sal?’
‘Why do you care?’
‘Hm,’ He sits down on the platform and dips below my line of vision. I peer over the hammock and watch him interlace his fingers behind his head. ‘Well, if I can figure out who Sal is, and really get in your head, then I have a better chance of you never finding the butterfly wrasse.’
I feel tears pooling in my eyes. I know he’s joking, but it doesn’t feel funny to me. Finding the wrasse is all I can do for Millie, and I’m so worried about her.
‘Millie?’ Hugh asks, his voice softer. ‘I was just kidding, I’m not a complete butthead.’
I try to sniffle quietly, but I can’t. I sound like a pig as I rattle air through my nose. ‘I know,’ I whisper.
Hugh reaches a hand up towards the hammock and pats me on the shoulder. ‘Hey, I also came up here to apologise.’
‘For what?’ I sniffle again, refusing to look at him. ‘For shaming me because I forgot my sunscreen? Being a smart ass onlineandin person? Giving Andrew the idea we were somehow differently qualified and then changing your mind? Purposely distracting me because you don’t want me to succeed? You know what—’ I turn, gathering steam ‘—you know you’re hot and more successful and Australian, and you’re weaponising it.’ I’m so close to tears that my bottom lip trembles.
‘OK.’ Hugh puts his hands up in a surrender gesture. ‘It is way too early for these kinds of accusations. Firstly, you’re not so bad-looking yourself and you have also been a kind of a smart ass, I did change my mind, and . . .’ He pauses and shrugs. ‘I kind of thought that the joking was just . . . our thing?’
I decide to think about Hugh saying I’m not bad-looking later. ‘Being rude and unfriendly isourthing? I would never have been such an ass about sunscreen,’ I point out. ‘And you can’t just say we have different attitudes towards the field, whatever that means, and change your mind.’
‘If I do remember correctly you were a bit of an ass about my seasickness. And I actuallyhelpedyou find the appropriate sunscreen?’
‘Well . . .’ I hesitate. Hugh is right, I have been an ass about him being seasick. ‘I didn’t know you actually got sick.’ I glance down. ‘I was teasing. And, in fairness, you were mean to me on the bus about the sunscreen. You started it.’
‘I wasn’t mean!’ He scoffs gently. ‘And even if I was, you would do the same thing if you were me. That sunscreen hurts the ocean.’
‘I know.’ I hang my head. ‘I’m sorry I even said anything. We can go back to being our usual rude and unfriendly selves now.’ I can feel Hugh’s eyes on me without having to look up.
‘Look, I’m up here to extend an olive branch of forgiveness then, considering there are too many things I’m supposed to apologise for.’
I sigh. ‘Oh, lucky me to be forgiven. And what, may I ask, is making you so magnanimous as to offer me forgiveness?’
