Sophie is the only thing that makes me want to be better. The only thing that makes me believe there’s still something in life worth fighting for. And I’ll fight for her, even if it’s the last thing I do.
32
SOPHIE
Ispend the rest of the weekend hiding in my room, only coming out to eat and use the bathroom. Eventually, I unlock my phone, just long enough to block Theo’s number and delete our entire text thread without reading a single word. Then I smoke until I can't think straight and binge-watch television, anything mindless enough to keep my brain distracted from the ache clawing at my chest.
Monday morning, I show up to class at the last possible second, slipping into the room without giving myself a chance to overthink it. Avoiding any potential alone time with Theo—Mr. Hayes—is my only goal. I don’t know what I would say if he cornered me. I don’t even know what I think anymore.
Part of me still wants to hear him out. The rational part, the small, stubborn piece that’s been trying to claw its way back to life after two days spent drowning in a haze of smoke and misery.
But the other half, the half scarred by Cole, the half that swore never again… tells me to run. To lock my heart up and throw away the key. To protect myself at any cost. What if it was all a lie? What if he’s just like the rest of them, playing a game, saying all the right things until he got what he wanted?
Still, my rational side fights back.
The nights we spent talking, the way he touched me like I was special, the way he looked at me like he truly saw me… that wasn't fake. It couldn’t have been. It was the kind of connection people write songs about. The kind of love best-selling novels try and fail to capture.
Either that or I really am the biggest fool this world has ever seen. Which I’m not ruling out yet.
The second I step into the classroom, his eyes snap to mine. His whole body jerks forward before he catches himself, clearing his throat and forcing his gaze away.
But I saw it. The pain and regret.
And for a moment, my heart twists so sharply it’s a wonder I don’t crumple to the floor.
I slide into my seat, keeping my head down. Sal reaches over and gives my hand a quick squeeze. I’d given her the quick and dirty version over text, but we haven’t talked about it in person yet. And honestly, I don’t want to. Saying it out loud will only make it hurt worse.
When I glance at her, I catch her locked in a brutal stare-down with Mr. Hayes.
I almost laugh.
If looks could kill, Theo would be six feet under. As he deserves.
The next hour drags unbearably slow. I feel Theo's gaze flicker toward me again and again, but I refuse to look back. When he starts walking the rows, handing out papers, something he never does, he lingers a moment too long by my desk, and my skin prickles with discomfort.
I keep my eyes fixed firmly on the desk in front of me, pretending not to notice, pretending I don’t feel him there. Sal clears her throat obnoxiously loud, and finally, he moves on.
The second the bell rings, I bolt from my seat, desperate for fresh air. Sal catches up to me in the hallway, looping her arm through mine, slowing me down enough for her to keep pace.
“Soph,” she says gently, like she's trying to soothe a pissed off toddler.
“I’m fine,” I say quickly. “I just... I can't. I can't face him right now.”
She nods, understanding. “Totally fair. Just... don't isolate, okay? I’m here. Whatever you need.”
“Thank you,” I murmur, and I mean it. But right now, what I need is space.
We part ways, and the next two classes pass in a blur of white noise. When the lunch bell rings, I head outside to my car, grateful for the excuse to escape. The air outside is crisp, the sky bright, the world carrying on like nothing has changed. Like my heart didn’t just shatter into a million sharp, useless pieces.
I pop open my car door, grabbing the water bottle from the passenger seat. As I slam the door shut harder than necessary, I try to convince myself that it doesn’t matter, that Theo doesn’t matter.
That I’m better off without him.
The problem is... I don't believe a word of it.
My heart still wants him, even now, when it shouldn’t. I force myself to turn back toward the school, squaring my shoulders, locking my feelings down deep inside where no one can reach them. I step through the doors and make my way back down the hallway towards the cafeteria.
And that's when a hand grabs my arm.
