But I can’t breathe long enough to wait for one.
I take a step back. Then another.
And that’s when it happens. He turns. Just slightly. Just enough to catch me out of the corner of his eye. His eyes catch mine through the glass, and for one breathless second, we just stare at each other.
His expression changes, fast. Confusion, panic, and what looks awfully like guilt plays across his features.
But I don’t stay to find out.
I turn. I walk.
Not fast, not yet. My body still feels half-frozen, like I’m moving through molasses.
But as soon as I’m out of his line of sight, I break into a run. Fast and reckless and desperate to get away.
I reach my car and slam the door shut like it can shut out the hurt. It doesn’t. I grip the steering wheel, knuckles white, vision blurry.
I tell myself not to cry. I whisper it out loud.
Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.
But the first tear falls anyway. And then another.
And then I’m falling apart.
The sob that rips out of me doesn’t even sound like me. It’s ugly and raw and full of every ounce of hope I just lost. And all I can think, over and over, ishow fucking stupid I feel.
How much I let myself want this. How much I let myself believe in him. In us.
30
SOPHIE
Ican barely see the road through the blur of my tears, my fingers clenched around the steering wheel so tightly they ache. My chest rises and falls in sharp, shallow bursts, panic prickling along my skin.
I can't believe this is happening again. I can't believe I let myself fall for the liea second time. First Cole, now Theo. Both of them were smiling in my face while they invited someone else into the parts of themselves they promised were mine.
My mind replays it on an endless loop. The wine glasses. Her laugh. The way they sat there, comfortable together, and the look in his eyes when he saw me through the window. Shock. Guilt. Panic. I saw it. I know I did. You can't fake that kind of look, not if you're innocent.
I press the gas pedal harder, my car leaping forward as if speed could save me from the crushing weight in my chest. My phone buzzes on the seat next to me, and instinctively I glance down. Theo.
His name lights up the screen, almost mocking me. I hit the side button and silence it, then yank my hand back to thewheel. I don't want to hear his voice. I don't want to hear whatever lie he's already preparing to feed me. I don't want to give him the chance to spin this into something that makes me question what I saw with my own two eyes.
I pull into the driveway, tires screeching slightly, and sit there for a moment in the suffocating silence. My body shakes. Rage, betrayal, heartbreak… they all twist together inside me, a violent knot I can't even begin to untangle.
Another buzz, another text. My hand trembles as I shove the phone into the glove compartment and slam it shut like it can lock away all my stupid, bleeding hope with it.
I feel like I’m fifteen again, standing outside that locker room, clutching my books to my chest, pretending I didn’t hear the way Cole laughed with his friends about the girl he hooked up with over the weekend. Pretending I didn’t understand the smug look in his eyes when he caught me listening.
Back then, I'd blamed myself for everything. For not being enough. Not pretty enough, not fun enough, not wild enough to keep him interested. I thought if I loved him harder, gave more, forgave more, he would choose me the way I'd already chosen him.
I was naive. And he knew it. He used it against me. Chewed me up and spit me out and smiled like he was doing me a favor. His narcissistic love-bombing got me good.
Now, sitting alone in the dark in my car, I wonder if anything's changed at all.
But then something worse happens.
I start to miss Theo.Grievehim.
