And then I walk back to my seat, every step feeling like a scream in a silent room. I don’t look back. I won’t give him the satisfaction of seeing the tears in my eyes.
But inside, I’m unraveling. Saturday night felt like something out of a dream. Or maybe a different life. One where we are allowed to want each other, out loud. One where our kisses aren’t accompanied by the threat of severe consequences.
Now? It feels like I’ve been shoved back into the gray reality ofthislife. Where I’m just a student and he’s just a teacher and we can’t be anything else.
Students start to trickle in. I keep my head down. My phoneis clutched tightly in my hand, screen dark, just in case. Just in case he decides to text,to clear the air before class begins, to saysomething.But he doesn’t.
Sal slides into the seat beside me and gives me a long, sideways glance. She knows something is wrong. She always does.
He starts the lecture as if nothing happened, voice steady and clear but somehow colder. Harsher. He’s building a wall between us with every word.
But he keeps looking at me, eyes straying to mine again and again. Too often to be accidental, but too fast to be caught by other students. No one else seems to notice, but I do, and Sal definitely does.
I can feel her fidgeting beside me, clearing her throat every few minutes in an attempt to catch my attention. She’s practically buzzing with curiosity.
By the time the bell rings, I’m about to explode. I yank Sal’s hand and pull her straight to the bathroom, only letting go to begin pacing like a maniac while she watches me with wide eyes like you would an animal in a cage.
“Oh my god. I can’t stand this.” I say, gripping the edge of the sink like it might just keep me from falling apart.
She leans back against the wall, arms crossed, her face an expression of awe. “He couldn’t stop looking at you, Soph. He’s like, obsessed. But you seem so off. What the hell happened?”
“We talked,” I admit, voice quiet. “I got here early, and we talked. And then he told me it can’t happen. That I’m too young. That it’d ruin everything.”
She sighs, stepping closer to me. Filled with strength, enough for the both of us. “Maybe. But he’s lying to himself if he thinks he doesn’t want to be with you.”
I blink hard, trying not to cry. She puts her hands on my shoulders and turns me to face the mirror.
“Look at yourself,” she says. “You are strong. You are worthy.And you are absolutelynotsome silly, young girl with a crush. He knows it too.”
I nod, barely holding myself together. “I love you, you know. In case I haven’t said it lately.”
Her smile is warm, grounding me. “I know. And I love you more.”
23
SOPHIE
By the end of the school day, I’ve entirely given up on the idea of there ever being anus. It’s not going to happen. I’ve just about convinced myself that he doesn’t like me. That I imagined the whole thing or that I did something, said something, that ruined this beyond repair.
That he probably woke up ashamed of me, of us. Of the time we spent together. Of our kiss. The thought carves into me like a knife. I walk to my car with my head down, eyes glued to the pavement. My self-confidence is buried so deep I don’t know that I’ll ever find it again.
The house is empty when I arrive home. A small mercy. I check the calendar in the kitchen and my stomach twists, I’m missing my sister's dance recital. Shit. Another mark against me. Another reason to be mad at myself. I’ve been so wrapped up in my own head I’d forgotten all about it.
I retreat to my room, grabbing fresh clothes and heading to the shower. I need to forget this day ever happened. Forget the weekend with Theo too.
The hot water scalds my back, the heat soaking into my skin. It burns away the chill that has settled inside me. I let thewater run through my hair, down my spine, until I begin to feel faint from the heat. Until the steam clouds my thoughts and there is nothing left but exhaustion.
I barely make it to my bed before I collapse onto it, face buried in the pillow, the world tilting beneath me. My body sinks into the mattress, the memory foam molding to my body, holding me together. Barely. It’s only five in the afternoon, but I let sleep pull me under anyway.
Hours later,the buzz of my phone jolts me awake. I fumble for it, fingers moving clumsily, blinking the sleep from my eyes.
My heart stops for a beat.
It’s Theo.He texted me.
Unknown Number:Trouble?
My stomach flips. Stay. Calm.
