I feel like she deserves better than me. I’m in a position of power, and I’m willing to give into the chemistry we both feel, crossing the line into the forbidden. If I’m being honest with myself, I should turn in my notice on Monday. I suddenly don’t feel fit to be teaching.
If it were any other teacher in this situation, I would condemn the behavior. I would report them to their superiors without hesitation. She may legally be an adult, but that doesn’t make this okay.
I should block her. I should transfer schools. I should do something, anything, to change the course of my future and hers. But the worst part is that I know I won’t. Because the truth is, I don’t want to let her go. And that might just be my downfall.
I don’t message her again, knowing the drunker I get, the riskier those messages become. Instead, I drink until I can no longer keep my eyes open, falling into a restless sleep.
21
SOPHIE
When I burst into Sal’s, my heart hammering with everything I’m dying to spill, I find her curled up on the couch with Jace. I clear my throat to announce my arrival, and the two spring apart like I’ve caught them in the midst of something I shouldn’t have.
Odd.
But I’m too wired to think much of it. My mind is overflowing, my chest too tight with the weight of tonight’s events. I haven’t yet told Sal everything, not yet, but I can’t hold it in any longer. Sal has always been my confidant, and I know that I can trust her with this secret.
After all, if I can’t trust her, then I can’t trust anyone. And that’s a scary thought.
Jace quickly excuses himself and disappears down the hall. The second he’s out of earshot, I throw myself into Sal’s arms and squeal. “Oh my god. I just had the best night ever.”
Sal’s eyes go wide before she grabs my hand and leads me upstairs. We slip out onto her balcony, the chilly night air wrapping around us. I settle into one of the chaise lounges, pull a fluffy blanket over my legs, and get comfortable. The softcushions mold to my shape instantly, enveloping me in comfort, like the best type of hug. She pulls out a bowl and packs it with pungent weed, taking a deep inhale. “Okay, spill.”
And I do.
I tell her everything. About the night after the party, spending the night curled up on his couch. About the slow burn of my feelings, the stolen glances, the tiny electric moments that left me wondering if I was imagining it all. And then, I tell her about tonight. Tonight changed everything.
“I swore off relationships. I wassodone with guys. But he…” I shake my head, exhaling. “He makes me want to try again.”
She watches me silently, her expression unreadable as I spill every last detail. I need her to understand. Need her to tell me I’m not crazy for feeling this way. If she shuts this down, I might never let the words leave my mouth again.
When I finally stop to catch my breath, having given every detail I can think to give, she hands over the bowl. I smile gratefully. Now, it’s her turn to talk. I take a deep hit, the ember flaring bright as I inhale deeply, almost burning my thumb on the flame. My muscles go lax, the tension of the night seeping out of me. But my mind stays locked on one thing.
Him.
Theo, as he stood there in the dark, watching me drive away, his expression unreadable. I wanted to turn back, to stay in his orbit just a bit longer. But I could see it, clear as day. He was already pulling away. Jokes on him though, because I refuse to let this go so easily.
In just a few short months, high school will be over. I’ll be an adult, truly. That has to count for something, right? Then my age won't matter. Not really.
Sal kicks my leg, snapping me back to reality. “Earth to Sophie!”
I blink at her, a sheepish grin on my face. “Sorry! What were you saying?”
“I cannot believe you kept this from me! I mean, I knew you were hot for our teacher and that you guys have some history… but I had no idea the feeling was mutual!”
I snort. “To be fair, I had no idea either.”
“And you slept at his house?” She shakes her head in disbelief, “While I was freaking out, thinking you'd been kidnapped by an axe murderer, might I add.”
Laughter bubbles up my throat, the high making it impossible to stop. “Oh my god. You didnot. But yes, I did. I still can't believe it.”
She grins. “I'm so here for this. Your very own romantic fairy tale.”
I roll my eyes. “Well, too bad it isn't a romance book. At least then I'd get a happily ever after.”
“What makes you so sure you won't?” Her voice is soft, genuine.
I sigh. “Well, he's my teacher, Sal. Can't get much more forbidden love than that.”
