Page 41 of The Heir Affair

She couldn’t remember exactly what she’d said after they’d made love. But what she did remember, all too vividly, was the way the atmosphere between them had changed abruptly as soon as the afterglow had faded. How the playfulness, the openness, the heat and longing—and the intimacy—that had been building all day had suddenly disappeared.

When she had discovered Xander’s identity, she had assumed the abrupt change had been because he had been keen to get rid of her once he’d got what he wanted. But now, she realised, it must have been that offhand comment.

‘I’m sorry, Xander,’ she said, softly. And meant it. She’d hurt him. And she had carried on believing he was a man who couldn’t be hurt. But the fact he’d held onto that criticism for so long told a different story.

He swung round, his expression carefully blank. ‘You have no reason to be sorry. You did not know the man you spoke of was me.’

‘You misunderstand me, Xander.’ She touched his forearm, desperate to sooth the tension crackling in the air between them. The muscles hardened but he didn’t pull away. ‘I’m not sorry for what I said about that billionaire, because you’re right, I didn’t know him then. But I know more about who he is now and, for that reason, I’m sorry what I said hurt you.’

Xander flinched, shocked not just by the unnecessary apology, but also by the fierce compassion in Poppy’s eyes. Why did her compassion, her kindness, feel like a strength, when he had always considered vulnerability of any kind a weakness?

And why did her stalwart belief that he was a good man, despite everything, make him feel like that terrified boy again, who had woken to find himself and his brother alone…? It was almost as if everything he had worked so hard for—the security, the safety, the money—had been for nothing, because he couldn’t defend himself from this slender woman—or resist the tenderness in her eyes.

Shame and embarrassment washed over him.

Why had he mentioned her comment? Had he really allowed himself to stew over that remark for months? How pathetic.

He drew his arm away from her fingertips, resisting the powerful urge to drag her into his embrace and kiss her until they were both breathless.

If only he could tear off that dress and make love to her, until she was crying out his name again, massaging him to climax, so he could obliterate this foolish conversation. But somehow the brutal need to have her only made him feel more defenceless. Because his inability to control the constant hunger felt like a problem now, too.

He bunched his hands into fists and shoved them into his pockets, to stop himself from reaching for her. If for no other reason than to prove he could.

‘You did not hurt me,’ he said, determined to reject her sympathy, her pity. She couldn’t hurt him, not unless he let her. And he could not open himself to that again, however much he might desire her.

‘Okay,’ she said. But then she blinked and the sheen of moisture in her eyes gleamed in the moonlight, disturbing him even more.

‘And I certainly do not require an apology,’ he added, annoyed by the defensive tone. ‘If anything, I should say sorry to you, for not being honest with you that day, about who I was…’ he finished, realising the apology was long overdue.

She nodded, but just when he felt as if he could breathe again she asked: ‘Why did you keep your identity a secret that day? Was what happened between us always just about the sex for you?’

Yes. Because I knew you would never sleep with me if you knew I was him.

He opened his mouth to give her the answer he wanted to be true. The answer he’d managed to convince himselfwastrue, five months ago, when he’d walked away from her on the dock, determined to forget her. But her sincerity—and that bottomless pit forming in his chest—made it impossible to lie to her or himself any longer.

‘It is true I wanted you very much,’ he said. ‘From the first moment you approached me on the beach. You were so fresh, and guileless and fierce… When you spoke of your mother with such passion, it moved me, and I am not a sentimental man.’ He paused to ease the tightness in his chest. ‘And as the day progressed, I could see you desired me, too.’

But what had happened that day had always been more than just sexual attraction. Because she still unsettled him, causing emotions he did not recognise, he hadn’t expected, and he did not want to acknowledge even now. But maybe if he stopped pretending nothing had happened, he would finally be able to control those unthinkable emotions. She was the mother of his child. She would always be a part of his life now. So it was important he found a way to rationalise and eventually overcome the feelings that continued to disturb him.

But he could not admit any of that to her, or it would expose him even more.

‘When you suggested we remain anonymous,’ he added, choosing his words with care, ‘it seemed the perfect solution for us to take what we both wanted without consequences.’

His gaze drifted to her stomach. He pressed his palm to the bump and let out a wry laugh.

‘Ironic, given our circumstances now.’

She covered his hand with both of hers. His heart jumped, making him aware that the pit in his stomach was still there, and still bottomless. What he saw in her eyes—soft and warm and real—terrified him more. But even so, he couldn’t look away when she smiled.

‘Ironic, yes, but somehow wonderful too,’ she whispered. ‘Don’t you think?’

He wasn’t entirely sure what she meant by that, but even so, he nodded, the rush of possessiveness hard to ignore. ‘Yes, I am glad you are having my child,’ he said, surprised to realise it was true.

He doubted he could love a child, and he knew he could never give it what it would need emotionally. He had been forced to give up all those weaknesses on the streets of Athens as a boy to survive—and he did not regret it. But as its mother, Poppy would be able to give their child that so easily.

His role would be as it had been with his brother. To protect, to shelter, and to give their child financial security.

She beamed at him, tears glistening in her eyes now. It made her even more beautiful, and desirable. He tugged his hands out of his pockets to cradle her face, and brush away the tears with his thumbs, ignoring the weightlessness in his belly.