‘Oh?’ Ella’s heart bumped. She’d had a dread of news for years and the spike of anxiety wouldn’t settle until she’d heard it, good or bad. ‘Hurry up then.’
‘Well, seeing as Jamie’s going to Nick’s family for Christmas and you’re down in Cumbria, we thought we’d take up your Auntie Jenny’s offer to spend a few weeks with them.’
‘What, New Zealand?’ Ella’s voice rose in shock. Her parents had talked about travelling to see her dad’s sister’s family for years and still hadn’t done it. ‘And what’s this about Jamie? He hasn’t said anything to me about going to Nick’s.’
‘I think he tried. He left a couple of messages and said you hadn’t got back to him yet.’
Ella felt a flash of guilt. She’d meant to call her brother and somehow hadn’t found the right moment. Their conversations were snatched between her work and his, as an employment officer with a charity in London. Their hours rarely overlapped, and she knew they were overdue a visit.
‘It’s time, Ella.’ Her mum’s words were gentle, and Ella knew she was trying to soften the blow. ‘We can’t keep Christmas all to ourselves for ever and Nick’s family want him and your brother to be with them for a change. It’s only fair.’ She paused. ‘And now I know you’ll be settled at Halesmere for a while, we thought it was a good time to go while we still can. You know your dad’s always wanted to see the Tasman Glacier and national park.’
Ella did. As a recently retired geography teacher he loved to explore other countries, and he and her mum had always meant to travel more than they had. ‘But that means I won’t see any of you for Christmas.’
She’d been looking forward to the usual break with her parents, being gathered into the familiarity of family at Christmas when they were all together. Almost all together, she corrected herself. All together would never come again whatever they did, and a wave of hurt lurched into her heart. Christmas had long been a time of sadness overshadowing the joy and she only ever wanted to spend it with those who understood.
If her parents were away, then there would be no muted celebration or familiar traditions they’d managed to maintain in the face of their loss. No watchingThe Snowmanevery Christmas Eve or flopping in front of the old black and white classics her dad loved. No home-made Christmas pudding or the sherry trifle Ella could never better, eating turkey sandwiches for supper and helping her mum make the soup they all loved from leftovers. Ella adored that soup; she always took some back to Brighton and made it last for months in her freezer.
She was suddenly dreading the thought of the weeks at Halesmere stretching out in front of her. A winter stuck in Cumbria trying to keep a job Max didn’t want her to have while she tried to plan for her future, one she couldn’t picture yet. Only the outline of something different, hovering beyond reach unless her mind would allow her to follow her heart this time. And now Christmas on her own, for the first time ever.
‘You could come with us if you wanted to?’ Her mum’s voice was gentle, probing, and Ella could picture her in the kitchen, chatting while she loaded the dishwasher or fed the dog. ‘You’ll surely be able to take some holiday even if you are only temporary.’
‘Yes, but not long enough for weeks in New Zealand.’ Ella let out a silent sigh she didn’t want her mum to notice. ‘It’s fine, Mum. You’re absolutely right, go while you have the chance, it’s a brilliant idea.’
‘But will you be okay?’ There was anxiety there now too. ‘They’re nice people, are they, at Halesmere? You’ll be all right, Ella, won’t you?’
‘Of course I will.’ Her laugh was suddenly shaky. ‘I’m a big girl now Mum, I’ll be fine. Once I’ve settled in properly, you’ll have to come. You’ll love it, the landscape is incredible. I kept wanting to stop the car and stare on the way up.’
‘I’m sure it is, sweetheart.’ There was a clatter and Ella smiled as she heard the dog’s bowl being dropped to the floor. ‘We love you, take care. Don’t push yourself too hard.’
‘I will and I won’t.’
‘You won’t and you will, you mean. Send us some pictures, I can’t wait to come over.’
‘Love you both too. Give Dad a hug for me.’
‘Sure thing. Take care, speak soon.’
Ella tried calling Dylan as well, wanting to share that she wouldn’t be going home for Christmas. No matter how flat out she was at work, she’d always made the trek to her parents, even if it meant barely staying a day because she had to get back. Dylan didn’t pick up and she didn’t bother messaging him. He was probably in a bar and fending off a few female tourists, if their usual nights out were anything to go by.
Of course, the Wi-Fi in here was non-existent, and no one had thought to give her a password anyway. She connected her phone to a Bluetooth speaker and got some music going. She liked noise, chatter, people around her. She loathed being alone and the moment she’d been able to afford to buy her flat she had lined up a friend from work to share it. When Dylan had returned from Barcelona and her flatmate moved on, she’d been only too happy to have him take the second bedroom. Only he knew how she hated silence, only he knew how she shivered at night, and more than once he’d crawled into her bed to hold her when she’d woken from a bad dream. Halesmere and this horrid little flat were certain to test her, but she’d make herself come through the night, whatever problems the morning threatened to bring.
Chapter Three
When Ella woke, low winter sun was pouring in through the green curtains, which were so thin she thought at first she’d forgotten to close them, and she fumbled for her phone. She’d set her alarm for seven a.m., planning a quick run before it was time to meet Max for the interview. She had had a more unsettled night than usual and had jerked awake several times, her heart racing in the dark and unfamiliar surroundings. She stared at her phone in disbelief, shrieking as she flung the quilt aside to leap out of bed.
She’d slept straight through the alarm and it was eight forty-five already. No time for a run now. She hurried down the ladder and pulled on a skirt with winter tights, boots, and a jumper from the case she’d left by the door. After brushing her teeth, she swallowed down a glass of water, wishing she could follow it up with a blast of caffeine to get her going.
She raced across the empty courtyard and almost fell through the open door at the back of the house, finding herself in a reception area. It only dawned on Ella it was Saturday when she saw Lily and Arlo either side of Noelle on a narrow sofa in front of a half-panelled, white-painted wall covered in art.
‘Oh! I wasn’t expecting everyone.’
Prim the pointer was lolling at Lily’s feet, and she leapt up when she spotted Ella. Lily was holding Prim’s collar and she tumbled to the floor with a giggle as the dog hurried across to greet Ella. Noelle reached out to haul Lily impatiently back onto the sofa.
‘Lily, that dog is very disobedient.Bonjour, Ella, I hope you slept well.’
Ella didn’t want to give a truthful reply to that and nodded vaguely.
‘She’s not really, Mamie, she’s just very young.’ Lily wasn’t perturbed in the least by her grandmother’s sternness over Prim. ‘Papa hasn’t had time to take her to training classes for a while. We’re supposed to be going again after Christmas.’
