Chapter Eighteen
‘Two lunches in two days, Ella Grant. People will be talking.’ Max settled in his seat, thanking the young waiter who had brought over a drinks list.
‘I’ve got a feeling they already are. Stan gave me one of his looks when I told him you were out with me and if he knows, then Pearl will know and…’
‘Then the shop, the pub and the whole village,’ Max finished. ‘Does it concern you?’
‘For me personally, no.’ A waitress arrived with a menu, and they listened while she carefully outlined today’s choices. ‘But for you and consequently what the children might think, yes,’ she finished when the waitress had gone.
‘I know we have to be rational, Ella.’ He leaned closer now. ‘But I feel as though I’ve been holding my breath for two years and I’m gradually remembering how to let it out again.’
The first waiter was back, and they both ordered water. This was a working lunch, or so Ella had thought until the swerve in direction the conversation had already taken, and she tried to focus on the menu. It was Monday and they’d arranged to meet at the catering college in town. They’d walked up to the first floor, along the usual corridors and past teaching rooms, and turned a corner, finding themselves in a small bar with seats and a pair of sofas lining the walls. There was a comfortable and modern restaurant room next door, with Christmas decorations restricted to a large tree in a corner.
‘How was Arlo this morning? Happy to be going back to school?’ Ella moved their discussion on. She had decided on a starter and was thinking about mains. She wanted to have the full three courses and try the students’ cooking, even if it was considerably more than her usual weekday lunch.
‘Yes.’ Max had his glasses on and he too, was studying the choices on offer. ‘The head emailed over the weekend to say they’d done a risk assessment and arranged some extra support. It’s only a few days until the end of term anyway and by the time he goes back in January it won’t be long until the cast comes off.’
‘So it doesn’t affect him in the nativity? He can still be a sheep?’
‘I think so. One with a broken leg, perhaps. They’ll help him on stage and keep him out of harm’s way. I don’t think he’d have minded about sitting it out but changed his mind when Lily told him he’d be a wimp if he did.’
The waitress returned, along with a tutor who introduced herself as Leah, the course leader, who Ella had already been in touch with. She brought over the four students working front of house today, and Ella was interested to meet them and hear more. She had almost forgotten about Max sitting opposite until the students left to wait on other tables. Their meals ordered; he was watching her with a smile.
‘Sorry, Max, but aren’t they brilliant? So enthusiastic, and the opportunity to cook in a real environment with support while they learn is fantastic. I know you’ve got to head off after lunch but they’re going to show me the kitchens and I’m so pleased to have the chance to meet the team before I come back in January. Most of their guest chefs are from restaurants and they really liked that I worked on so many different events.
‘You’ll see Katie and Ethan again on Wednesday as they’re cooking supper with me,’ she went on, ‘and two students I haven’t met are going to wait at table. It’ll be amazing to work with them and show the local producers what they can do. I know it’s my menu, but they’ll be preparing a lot of it and I’ve kept it simple on purpose— Sorry, I’m getting carried away again. But isn’t it lovely in here?’
Max glanced around the room and Ella assumed he too was admiring their surroundings until he reached across the table.
‘You don’t need to apologise.’ His hand hovered close to hers and she closed the distance to touch the tips of his fingers. ‘I was perfectly happy listening to you. The students were hanging on your every word, in awe.’
‘Hardly. I think it was more that they couldn’t get a word of their own in once I’d ambushed them.’ His hand slid away as a young waiter approached and served a selection of delicious-looking bread rolls with salted butter. Max dived straight in.
‘How did you get that scar?’ She hadn’t noticed it before, a pale line snaking to a knuckle on his left hand.
‘Pruning saw slipped,’ he said. ‘Sliced through the tendon and ended up having surgery.’
‘Ouch. So you like getting hands-on in your gardens then?’
‘I do. I love the planning that goes into creating a garden, but I always spend some time working with the team on site, planting usually but sometimes building as well. I can knock up a retaining wall with the best of them.’ Max was on his second bread roll. He grinned. ‘I did flirt with the idea of becoming an engineer, but the lure of the outdoors was too great.’
The starters arrived and Ella thanked their waiter, giving him time and an encouraging smile as he explained the dish, aware he was slightly nervous of her. She had the impression he was relieved to have said his piece as he escaped.
‘But not music, when you play so beautifully? When I heard you, I felt like I was going to cry happy tears, as though I understood what you were playing without really knowing why, if that makes sense.’
The fork in Max’s hand halted halfway to his mouth and he laughed self-consciously. ‘Probably just a spike of dopamine reducing your stress levels. But it’s very kind to say you enjoyed it.’
‘Why didn’t you study music, go on to be a professional? You must have been good enough and I know you adore it. I hardly know a piano grade from a plant, but I don’t think anyone who isn’t amazing can play like you.’ Ella knew she was pushing him, saw the lines deepen across his brow.
‘So why aren’t you a professional athlete then, someone who probably could’ve competed at the top if you’d carried on?’
‘You know why.’ She had to remember to think of the food, how the dish had been presented, if it matched what had been promised on the menu. It was excellent and when the waitress came over to check, she nodded her appreciation.
‘I do, I’m sorry.’ Max exhaled, picked up his glass. ‘Maybe the simplest answer is that I didn’t love music enough to push myself. Boarding school was a pretty lonely place, and I wasn’t very confident back then. I didn’t want somebody pulling me apart when I played, telling me I’d got it wrong, or I wasn’t good enough. Music got me through a time I didn’t enjoy, and it’s mine, not something I’m good at sharing. I’m not brave like you, taking on someone else’s dream and making it your life.’
His smile was rueful and this time it was Ella who reached for his hand. ‘You are brave, Max. Incredibly brave and gifted, and you help Lily and Arlo to be braver every day too.’ She let go reluctantly. ‘I’m so very brave I’ve always run from any opportunity to get close to someone because I’m afraid I might lose them. It’s always been easier to focus on my career and assume I won’t have a family or make that kind of commitment.’
‘Maybe you don’t always need to be running.’ Max offered the waitress a polite smile as she asked if she could clear their plates. Once she’d left, his voice became more urgent. ‘Whatever’s happening between us feels to me like it might be the beginning of something, Ella. I hadn’t ever imagined being in this situation again and I’d be lying if I said I don’t feel guilty about moving on from Victoria. It’s complicated and yet already I’m scheduling my day to have coffee with you first thing and wondering when I’ll see you again. And you’re so amazing with Lily and Arlo. If you agree, then yes, we keep it simple and don’t take risks in front of the kids. I don’t think either of us can offer any more right now.’
