‘So you see, it’s my fault we’ve never had a pet.’ She smoothed Harriet’s long hair and stroked her daughter’s head against her shoulder. ‘There were practical reasons to consider of course, but on some subconscious level I thought I was protecting you from getting hurt. It’s part of my job, but sometimes it’s really hard to stand by and watch it happen. I don’t want your heart to get broken, by anything.’
‘I’m sorry I’ve been so horrible to you.’ Harriet’s voice was muffled, and Pippa tilted her chin to raise her head, feeling a part of her heart healing. ‘I didn’t know about Ginger.’
‘It’s okay, how could you if I didn’t tell you? And I think being grumpy is kind of your job at this age. But please, tell me if there is something worrying you so I can help. I promise I’m not trying to interfere, and I will do my best to step back when I need to. I know you need to make your own mistakes and it’s also my job to equip you for them.’
‘I’m so afraid of losing you, like Isla lost her dad. I didn’t want to worry you.’ Harriet’s bottom lip wobbled, and Pippa pulled her in tight, loathing that Harriet had carried this alone and hadn’t felt she could share it. ‘I hate what she’s going through and that it happened to you as well. I know I could never be like you and look after someone the way you did with Raf and Tilly when you were young. Grandad told me that it was down to you the family didn’t totally fall apart and that you loved them like your mum did because she couldn’t.’ Harriet swallowed, swiping at a tear. ‘He said it wasn’t fair because you missed out on having fun and grew up before your time because he wasn’t a good enough dad when you needed him to be.’
‘I’m so glad you told me, sweetheart. And I’m not going anywhere.’ Pippa squeezed her fiercely. ‘I know I’m too protective where you’re concerned. You’re growing up so quickly and I’m sorry for not always listening. It’s brilliant, what you’re doing here with Dorothy and the animals. And Alfie. He’s lovely. And an incredibly lucky boy to have met a girl as wonderful as you.’
‘I really like him, Mum. And I’m sorry for pushing you away,’ Harriet said with a sniff.
‘Hey, you’re a teenager, it goes with the territory. Let’s make a promise to be good to each other, okay? And I promise to be more open to letting you try things, maybe even make a few mistakes.’
‘Okay. Thank you. I promise to hug you more often. And be nicer.’
‘Really?’ Pippa pressed home her advantage and tickled Harriet, right on her ribs when as a little girl she would scream with laughter and beg her to stop, and then start again. It still worked, and they were both laughing as Harriet eventually wriggled away.
‘Anyway, your grandad’s not so sad about me that he decided not to send us to Hartfell.’ Pippa’s heart was lifting at the realisation that her dad had seen it, understood just how much of herself she’d sacrificed for her brother and sister. She’d do it again in a heartbeat and would never regret it. If Raf and Tilly were better because of her, then every moment of caring for them had been worth it.
‘Yeah, but look how many nice things have happened since we got here. We’ve both made friends, you’ve got a job, I’m learning loads from Dorothy, and I’ve met Alfie.Halfie,’ Harriet said dreamily, and Pippa smiled at her faraway look, determinedly forcing down her concern.
‘Halfie does have a nice ring to it,’ she agreed. ‘But please, darling, don’t forget we’re going home soon.’
‘That doesn’t mean we can’t both have some fun whilst we’re here.’
‘Fun? Me? I don’t even know how to spell it,’ Pippa retorted. It was so long since she’d let go, she doubted she’d ever really lighten up.
‘I’m not so sure.’ Harriet’s look was beady. ‘I don’t know what’s going on with you and Gil but that looked pretty cosy in the kitchen, before.’
‘He was just being nice, that’s all. He caught me at a bad moment.’ Or maybe a good one, Pippa still wasn’t sure.
‘And it’s okay, about Maud. I know it’s a really stupid idea, having a dog. It wouldn’t be fair to leave it all to you.’
Pippa was reminded of Raf’s words and Gil’s, about holding Harriet back in some misguided attempt to protect her. She knew they were right, however hard it felt to let go. ‘So you don’t want to come shopping with me tomorrow for a collar and lead, and a shedload of wipes?’
Harriet screamed with joy, nearly knocking Pippa backwards as she flung herself into Pippa’s arms. She laughed, lit up by this new happiness. She’d worry about the practicalities of a puppy later.
Chapter Eighteen
The trip the next day was a joy and Pippa loved going round the pet shop in town with Harriet. They were both excited to choose all they needed for Maud, including a cosy bed, cute pink leather collar with matching lead and heart-shaped name tag. After taking care of Posy first thing, Harriet had raced round to Dorothy’s to deliver the good news and arranged to collect Maud this afternoon.
Even though Harriet didn’t yet understand – couldn’t see far enough into the future to realise that college and then university would expand her life even further – Pippa couldn’t deny her the happiness having Maud in their lives would bring. Harriet wasn’t thinking about twice daily feeds and walks, plus everything else that came with a puppy. Days out, holidays, even a few hours away from the house, all would now require planning, but Pippa was so excited to be giving the puppy a home. There were lots of doggy day care places she could try once they were back in London, and she’d returned to work after the summer break.
Elaine, Gil’s receptionist, had been in touch to say that her dad was doing much better, and she expected to be home by the end of next week. Just a few days ago Pippa would have welcomed this lifeline back to London, but although she was relieved for Elaine and her family situation, the news brought the rather unwelcome sense that their time in Hartfell was ending. Without standing in for Elaine, and even though Harriet was settling in and happy with Alfie, and her job with Dorothy, what more reason could they have to stay?
When an ecstatic Harriet returned with Maud, plus Dororthy, who had a cat which needed Gil’s attention, and a shy Alfie, they crossed the yard to the surgery so Gil could microchip Maud once he’d dealt with Dorothy. He showed them into the consulting room and gave Maud the once-over, checking teeth, ears, gums, eyes and her heart. All was fine, and Pippa let out the breath she’d been holding.
‘I think you’re a very lucky little girl, Maud, you’ve got a lovely new home.’
He was smiling at Harriet, and he seemed to be having as much difficulty in meeting Pippa’s eyes as she was his. Both clinging to the pretence that last night hadn’t happened; that he hadn’t held and comforted her in the kitchen quite the way he had.
Maud yelped when Gil inserted the microchip via a needle that made Pippa wince and Harriet clutch Alfie’s hand nervously. Gil scooped Maud into his arms for a cuddle, laughing as she licked his nose and then tried to nibble it. Pippa was shocked to wonder if it was possible to be envious of Maud, able to make him smile like that.
‘Ow. I’m sorry little one, but it had to be done. I think you’ve got your own back now.’ He offered the puppy to Harriet. ‘Are you taking her?’
‘Yes please. Can she go outside now?’
‘Yes, she had all her vaccinations whilst she was with Dorothy, she’s fine to go for walks. But short ones, okay, it’s important not to give her too much exercise before she’s six months old.’
