He wasn’t quick enough to disguise despair and it flared in his face before he resolutely blinked it away. ‘Yes.’ His reply was a hollow one and Pippa’s hand darted out to rest lightly on his arm, her attempt to delay him pure instinct.
‘It’s just…’ She took a deep breath, trying to hold back the tears pricking at her eyes. ‘I had no idea, that our families were connected.’ Her gaze dropped to the album he held between taut fingers, thinking of the two young boys. ‘That they were friends.’
‘It’s not going to change anything, Pippa,’ he said, his voice low, rough. ‘And I really don’t need any more complications in my life.’
‘I’m not trying to make it complicated for you,’ she whispered, utterly aware of the warmth of his arm beneath her fingers, the soft golden hairs brushing her skin.
‘You already are, even if you don’t know it yet.’ His gaze was unflinching, and she read the awareness in it, her heart bumping in shock and something else: recognition that he felt it too, this pull between them. Gil was staring at her hand as though it was burning him. She snatched it away, horrified that she’d touched him, had tried to make him understand why she needed to know what more of her parents’ lives he held.
The moment crawled into another and he slowly raised a hand, as though he was going to touch her face, smooth away the hair brushing her cheek. Her breath caught and then he hurriedly stepped back and let it fall away. Still holding the photograph album, he spun around and left the room, rattling the door shut behind him.
Pippa couldn’t settle after that, couldn’t shake off what she’d done and had discovered. She made drinks in the kitchen and took a mug of hot chocolate up to Harriet. Her daughter submitted to a surprising and brief good night hug and Pippa forced away the longing to hold her close, to find some comfort in being held too, her thoughts caught on that earlier and unexpected moment with Gil. She crossed the landing to her own room and placed a cup of camomile tea on the bedside table. Without Wi-Fi she couldn’t learn anything else about their families now but there was so much she wanted to understand.
‘Hello, Posy.’ Pippa wondered if the Shetland pony would detect the nervous note in her voice as she approached the stable door, and Posy whinnied. ‘Sorry, I don’t speak pony. But maybe that means you’d like your breakfast?’
She hadn’t been expecting the knot in her stomach as she’d crossed the yard, dreading having to face Gil after last night. A whack on the stable door suggested that Posy did speak human though, and Pippa went to fetch the bucket of feed that Elaine had measured out yesterday. She opened the door warily and Posy almost knocked Pippa backwards in her haste to shove her nose into the bucket.
‘I thought you were going to wake me up.’ Harriet was still drowsy, a coat pulled on over her pyjamas.
‘Oh, hi! I wasn’t sure you’d appreciate it.’ Pippa backed up and shut the door. Her daughter didn’t usually appear out of bed this early for anything less than a summons to school, sport or a shopping trip. ‘But I’m glad you’re here.’
‘I said I’d help, didn’t I?’ Harriet’s eyes were smudged with sleep, and she yawned. Her long hair was gathered into a rough ponytail, phone sticking out of a pocket.
‘You did.’ Pippa flashed her a grateful smile. ‘Thank you for coming. Posy needs to go in the paddock but first we have to get this on.’
She pointed to a contraption hanging from a nearby hook. Part headcollar, part muzzle, Elaine had explained yesterday that it was vital Posy wasn’t allowed to graze without it, as allowing her to guzzle as much grass as she liked was apparently very bad for her.
Posy knew the routine much better than they did, and both Pippa and Harriet were laughing as they tried a fourth time to buckle the headcollar in place and fit the muzzle comfortably over her nose. Tiny though the pony was, she managed to evade them at every turn. Despite the mayhem, Pippa decided it was lovely to laugh with Harriet, as though the sun had come out to shine on her. Bits of shavings were stuck to her jeans and Posy had upended the water bucket, soaking Harriet’s pumps.
‘I never saw two people so useless at trying to get a headcollar on one small pony.’
At Gil’s words Pippa froze, instantly forgetting she was meant to be helping Harriet have another go at fastening the headcollar. Tension made her fingers clumsy, and she looked at him warily, remembering him snatching the photograph album and running from her last night. She wasn’t expecting a quick smile as he propped his arms over the door, and she inadvertently let go of Posy, who took the opportunity to back herself into the far corner of the stable with a triumphant and very loud fart.
‘Mum! I nearly had it right this time. Eww, that stinks!’ Harriet approached Posy again, talking quietly, and Pippa watched in admiration as Posy stood meekly and let Harriet slip the headcollar back on, and carefully fasten the muzzle in place. Apparently even the pony knew when games were over.
Gil opened the stable door and Harriet’s grin was wide as she led Posy into the yard, Lola following. Pippa sidled past him; she hadn’t factored in the extra time spent chasing Posy and needed to get over to the vets if she was going to be ready for the first clients arriving. She’d never felt less equal to a task in her life, regretting that her offer to help Elaine meant she was forced to spend time with someone who rattled her so much.
‘Pippa?’
‘What?’ She wasn’t going to stop, not for him, and the keys Elaine had given her yesterday were in her hand.
‘About last night.’ He caught her up and she busied herself unlocking the door to reception. ‘I’m sorry I reacted so badly.’
She took a deep breath. ‘It’s okay, I’m sorry too. You were right, I shouldn’t have gone looking.’
‘I understand why you did it. Your dad lived in Hartfell too.’
‘Yes.’ She turned, surprised by the glimpse of something softer in his eyes. Her fingers were on the door handle, delaying the moment when she’d have to open it and their conversation would be over. ‘I wasn’t expecting a family connection here, one that maybe goes even further back than my dad. I was hoping to learn more.’
‘I know Elaine told you about my parents.’ Gil swallowed. ‘It’s not something I’m good at talking about. It was a long time ago and I’ve moved on.’
‘I understand.’ Pippa did, perfectly, for similar and yet quite different reasons. ‘I lost my mum at an early age too. I know it’s not the same.’ She wasn’t expecting another rush of sorrow at the reminder. So long ago and still it could knock the air from her lungs.
‘I’m sorry.’ His gaze was tangled with hers until the shutters came back down, and she wondered if he’d ever let her back in. ‘So are you ready for the onslaught? Mondays are always busy.’
‘I hope so.’ She finally pushed open the door and walked inside, Gil right behind her.
‘You know you don’t have to do this?’ He glanced at the empty chairs, waiting to be filled with clients and their pets. ‘Help me, I mean.’
