‘Well, if that’s your attitude then I’m better off without you,’ she said as she stalked back across the kitchen.
Jay breathed a sigh of relief as he went back to clearing up the kitchen. To see Susie and feel nothing had finally laid a ghost to rest. And she was wrong. It was he who was better off without her.
* * *
That evening, Jay and Emma lay next to each other on the sofa with the remains of a Chinese takeaway on the table in front of them and some mindless television on in the background. All night Emma had been trying to put thoughts of Susie and Jaytogether to the back of her mind. After the desserts had been served, she’d gone back to the kitchen, to make the coffee for the final stage of the event. She’d just opened the door when she’d seen Susie in the kitchen, standing so close to Jay, her hand on his arm. Assuming that Liz had told Jay Susie wanted to see him, and he’d agreed, Emma fled. Later, when she’d plucked up the courage to go back, Jay was alone. He hadn’t mentioned Susie’s visit, and had been silent about it all night. Emma hadn’t the courage to ask him either, imagining that if she did he’d tell he was going back to his ex-girlfriend.
‘You’re quiet tonight,’ Jay said after they had sat in silence for a while.
‘I’m just tired,’ she replied.
‘I know what you mean. Finally we get an evening off together and look what we’re doing with it — slouching on the sofa. Back in the day, an evening off would involve drinking and dancing, not behaving like two old fogies.’
‘I think we deserve to put our feet up after the day we’ve had,’ Emma said. ‘And besides, I’d rather be snuggling on the sofa with you than in some noisy club.’
Jay put his arm around her and squeezed her gently. ‘Would you?’
‘Of course I would. Why do you ask?’
‘I just worry sometimes. You’re only twenty-two, you should be out enjoying yourself. I know I was when I was your age, and I fear that I’m holding you back because I’m over that now. These days I prefer a quieter life, but is that enough for you? You said yourself we’re in a bit of rut.’
Emma had never been a party girl — she too had always preferred a quieter life and she thought Jay knew that. What she’d tried to explain earlier was that they didn’t see each other often enough. Now, though, his words made her wonder if thiswas his exit speech. Was he going to try to convince her that she didn’t want to be with him, rather than the other way around?
Jay continued when she didn’t answer. ‘I’m right, aren’t I?’
She decided to bite the bullet. ‘No. Actually I was thinking about something else. I saw Susie at the christening today. Did you know she was there?’ She wondered if he would confess about being with her in the kitchen.
‘Yes, Liz told me. And then Susie herself came to see me.’
‘Did you tell Liz you wanted to see her?’
‘I didn’t but she came into the kitchen anyway. So typical of Susie, only ever thinking about what she wants.’
‘And what does she want? To get back with you?’
‘Yes. She said it would be better second time around.’
‘And your reply was?’ Emma held her breath.
‘I told her we were in the past.’ Emma let out her breath in relief. He didn’t want Susie after all. She waited for him to say it was her he wanted to be with, but instead he continued. ‘Susie and I were a definite train-wreck and nothing would convince me to go back there.’
‘Well, that’s good to hear,’ she said. But once again she felt that tears weren’t very far away. What was wrong with her today? She was an emotional wreck. She should be pleased that Jay hadn’t wanted to get back with Susie, whatever the reason.
‘Going back to what we were talking about,’ he said, pushing the Susie issue aside as though it wasn’t important. ‘What are we going to do to make our life more exciting?’
Emma’s head was spinning at the sudden change in conversation. She wanted to delve deeper into why Jay didn’t want Susie, but he’d obviously closed down that conversation. She decided to follow his lead.
‘I know it’s often difficult to get time off together, but, when we do, maybe we should plan to make the most of it?’
‘What? Like date nights?’
‘Yes, something like that.’
He grinned. ‘I like the sound of that.’ He paused. ‘As long as that’s not too staid for you?’
‘Of course it’s not. You know I’ve never been much of a party girl. And I really don’t see our age difference as a problem. Its only eight years.’
‘Um maybe.’
